As part of a treatment for tendonitis, I need to put a new anti-inflammatory pad on my right shoulder twice a day. But the gyrations it takes to pry open the package of pads -- the "tear here" suggestion is nothing but a cruel joke -- are the last thing my aching arm needs.
I am a mechanical moron, a species to whom Larry David once gave voice when, in the opening scene of a 2009 episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," he exploded with "wrap rage" after a death-struggle with the plastic shell that encased a newly gifted GPS device. The mega-humiliating payoff comes at the end of the episode, when he's lost and desperately needs to un-package the GPS. But the box cutter he's sure will do the trick turns out to be so hard to open that it requires a box cutter of its own.
Penetrating the packaging of modern products has precipitated many an emergency-room visit. And once you open the damn things, it's even harder to figure out how to use them. Last week I wasted an hour on the Credo website trying to connect my new Blackberry with my old Prius's Bluetooth. I then talked at great length to a clueless Credo techie, who promised he would research the problem and get back to me. When he didn't, I emailed customer service to schedule a follow-up call.
A cheerful rep responded right away! Sadly, her missive ignored my request and simply attached the same instructions that had failed in the first place. The rep added that if I were still not satisfied, "don't hesitate to email me." My heart sank when I saw that her email address began with the dread words "no reply." I love Credo because they're so darn nice and, more important, they go to bat for progressive causes. But guys, get your act together!
More tech savvy than I can muster is required for what used to be the simplest of contraptions. The only timepiece in my house is a bedside clock radio. I've had it for three years, but its alarm-setting mechanism remains baffling and I'm still stumped over how to pre-set my favorite radio stations. I can't even figure out how to change the time! When I want to check it, I have to add thirty-three minutes -- an hour and thirty-three during daylight savings -- to what the clock indicates. I'm sure there's a Web site and a help-line -- the instruction manual is long lost -- but right now I can't find the time to learn how to find the time.
I admit I'm even more hopeless than most at this stuff, but, as John Lennon says, "I'm not the only one."
My mom has no idea how to use half the bells and whistles on the dashboard of her new car. The heavy-as-a-dictionary manual isn't much help -- its syntax suggests a poor translation from, perhaps, the original Korean. Reluctant to ask for assistance, she waits, she says, "Until I sweat" before calling my brother Randy, the sole electronics whiz in my family.
Randy can help me too, but first I have to figure out what to ask. He recently wondered whether the reason my car's GPS -- which, mercifully, I never had to open because it came with the vehicle -- has never worked is because I was trying to program it with the car moving, which Toyota's safety-conscious engineers (!) made impossible. Who knew?
I and others like me aren't Luddites. We love our electronics once they're up and running. But quick-start manuals, Web sites, online help-lines and user forums too often create a blur of inscrutable and even counterproductive information. If we could surrender to a Higher Computer Power, we'd do so in a heartbeat. Whoever creates a product that actually helps the tech-helpless will make a bundle -- as long as it comes in a package we can open without winding up in the hospital.
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As for how to use, I always think of the BADLY designed I-drive system on the BMW.
Don't any of these companies have design experts on how to make their products more intuitive?
Not only that I have a digital themostat on my FAU that I just use to turn off/on the HVAC by temp.
forget about setting the date/time, I've never been able to master that. The alarm clock mentioned-I've noticed they have actually gotten a lot better at being able to set the time and alarm--progress IS being made.
On side note -- I laugh every time I see the CEO of Sprint talk about people who DON'T use their phones for talking. EXCUSE ME? I don't have a smart phone because I don't want a second mortgage to pay for the monthly fees. I use my cell phone for making & receiving phone calls? Sorry Mr. Sprint, but you're insulting us techies who do not need their phones to tell them how much it costs for pizza in Venice Italy.
Lily Tomlin's also had a great insight on this issue. To paraphrase:
"Why should we care about Quality Control? Well, if we didn't control it, quality would just get out of hand."
My hands are still healing after my attack on the cursed sarcophagus-packaging entombing the external hard drive I just bought to hold the data created by a backup program that won't work, as a fail-safe recovery tool for a pc that refuses to recognize the hard drive most of the time anyway. I'd go online looking for help but my modem's down and my internet provider addresses me as "Mr. User Error."
At times like this, I used to relax with a soothing cup of camomile -- but these days I don't want to be seen holding a teabag by anyone who may be open-carrying and hunting for militia recruits.