No, it isn't the turkey or the cranberry sauce. If we have a happy Thanksgiving depends on a key ingredient I got from Maya Angelou. My hero Maya Angelou granted me an interview for my book Bouncing Forward six months before we lost her bright light, and I asked her the question that has gripped me for years: How do we manage to triumph over adversities?
Angelou's advice to me was clear-cut: Develop "an attitude of gratitude. I think we have to be grateful," she told me in her deep, raspy voice. "You could have died last night, you know." She laughed. Rather than reveling in the injustice and brutality that stamped her life, she chose to focus on the achievements. "If I live my life with self-confidence and kindness and don't get anything back from that, I'm not overcome. I have so much. I can't believe how blessed I am."
And yet, when the going gets rough, it is easy to get downtrodden. The single best practice to lift our spirit is to keep a gratitude journal. Counting our blessings is one of the simplest and most powerful means to throw an anchor in the midst of chaos. Especially when we are walking in the dark, we need to count every star.
What to do
Every day, write down three things you are grateful for.
It could be small things -- a kiss, or a ray of sun breaking through the clouds -- or big things -- a promotion, a good test result, a baby's first steps.
Jot down the first three things that come to your mind, and then take a minute to reflect on them. What made these moments great? What does this mean to you? Is there something you can do to contribute to this good thing?
Whether you tell your diary or your computer, getting down a tangible reminder of gratitude is important.
"When this becomes a habit, you've developed the attitude of gratitude," says Karen Reivich, a resilience expert at the University of Pennsylvania, who I met when I attended the U.S. Army's resilience training. "Gratitude journal" sounded too touchy-feely for a bunch of combat guys, so the Army renamed it "Hunt the Good Stuff," but the exercise is the same. Instead of rehashing the bad stuff, reflect on the good things that are happening.
Why it works
Professor Robert A. Emmons, at the University of California, Davis, who calls himself "the world's leading scientific expert on gratitude," scientifically examined the impact of gratitude. Students who kept a gratitude journal for ten weeks not only reported that they were more satisfied, optimistic, and content with their life, but they also had fewer medical symptoms. Follow up studies showed that grateful people get better grades, have more energy, and they even sleep better. [1] In addition, cultivating gratitude improves our mood, and makes us more social and willing to help others. [2]
A feeling of gratitude might not come easily when the world looks bleak. That's why writing the journal is essential in redirecting our outlook. The gratitude journal gives us a chance to pause to notice the beauty in small moments, acknowledge it, and savor it.
Take it further
You could start a "gratitude challenge" on social media and share what you're grateful for with others.
Even better, you could actually express your gratitude. Think of a person you are deeply grateful to whom you have never properly thanked. Write a heartfelt, thoughtful letter in which you describe what you are grateful for and how he or she changed your life. Then read the letter to that person, either over the phone or, if possible, in person. People who expressed their gratitude in person showed the largest happiness boost, and it lasted for several weeks. [3] (I've included a detailed guide in Bouncing Forward: Transforming Bad Breaks into Breakthroughs.)
Thank you, Dr. Maya Angelou! I wish I could thank you in person!
Sources:
[1] Alex M. Wood, Stephen Joseph, Joanna Lloyd, and Samuel Atkins, "Gratitude Influences Sleep Through the Mechanism of Pre-sleep Cognitions," Journal of Psychosomatic Research 66 (2009): 43-48.
[2] Philip C. Watkins, Kathrane Woodward, Tamara Stone, and Russell L. Kolts, "Gratitude and Happiness: Development of a Measure of Gratitude, and Relationships with Subjective Well-being," Social Behavior and Personality 31 (2003): 431-451. And Alex M. Wood, Jeffrey J. Froh, and Adam W.A. Geraghty, "Gratitude and Well-being: A Review and Theoretical Integration," Clinical Psychology Review 30 (2010): 890-905. And Kennon M. Sheldon and Sonja Lyubomirsky, "How to Increase and Sustain Positive Emotion: The Effects of Expressing Gratitude and Visualizing Best Possible Selves," Journal of Positive Psychology 1 (2006): 73-82.
[3] Martin E. Seligman, Tracy A. Steen, Nansook Park, and Christopher Peterson. "Positive Psychology Progress: Empirical Validation of Interventions," American Psychologist 60 (2005): 410-421. And Sonja Lyubomirsky and Kristin Layous, "How Do Simple Positive Activities Increase Well-being?" Current Directions in Psychological Science 22 (2013):57-62.