"A message to the Red States"

I received this letter via an email chain and found it thought provoking amidst all the pre-election jitters. The writer forces us to think and reveals a perspective that challenges a voter's righteousness in this tough climate. Though I can't credit who wrote this, as I don't know the author, I thank you for your candor, your humor and your perspective. Where do I sign up?

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, thatincludes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. It may even include Florida and
Ohio, they are seriously considering it. We've given them until Nov. 4th to decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Mississippi. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, (hmm) we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs eventually turn up, really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush/McCain's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the
U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Reddies believe you are people with higher morals then we Blues..

Peace out,
Blue States

Follow Michealene Cristini Risley on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@mcrisley

Comments

[thollandpe]

Please, this is exactly the stuff we need to leave behind. It may be amusing but it belongs somewhere else.

We are being turned against each other by some ridiculous crap and we need to back away from the shrill voices and incendiary rhetoric. It's as if the political forces have co-opted the marketing that divides Pepsi from Coke, Bud from Miller and Chevy from Ford, but way upped the ante to make it ugly and personal. As if Coke ads said drinking Pepsi was un-American, as if a Bud drinker wouldn't sit at a bar that served Miller, and as if Chevy drivers vandalized Fords or wouldn't stop to help one broken down.

It's time to come together, start listening to the better angels of our nature, and vote with our mouse-clicks (and remotes, subscriptions, and checkbooks) for that which unites us by looking away from that which so easily divides us.

I'm with the folks that say this has no place here. Funny, maybe, but inappropriate for a venue that considers itself above the realm of Limbaugh and O'Reilly.

[DinkSinger]

No they don't get all the slave states. In addition to Florida, we'll keep Virginia, North Carolina, and maybe Georgia from the Confederacy plus Missouri, Maryland, Delaware slave states that did not secede.

[alannab99]

After hearing it over and over in 2004, I'm bracing myself for more of this crap if (god forbid) McCain wins. Let's see... the GOP accuses Obama (and Democrats) of being "elitists", so we retort by proclaiming that blue states are so much better than red states? It's both insulting and counterproductive, especially given that Obama's platform is built upon unity and how we're all One America -- or have we forgotten that incredible 2004 convention speech that first catapulted Obama into the national spotlight?

Most red states are going to stay red states, no matter what -- and the same thing is true of most blue states. If anything, the post-election anger should be directed toward swing states that COULD have chosen Obama but didn't. But here's hoping that this will be a moot point come Wednesday morning.

[kylennblack]

*pulls out United States of Canada/Jesusland shirt*

Ah, memories!

[seatea1967]

I've been saying the same thing for years.

[Madisonu]

Please pull this down. This is an insult to every bright blue dot in a red, red, red state.

[kylennblack]

Don't worry, we'll help you Berlin Airlift style.

[Michealene]

Just move. : )

[kjstjohn]

Dear Blue States:

We are just a few points away from being a Blue state. Please send Obama and some Blue settlers to close the deal. Atlanta is a great city with a great airport. If we start taxing the fundamentalist churches who tell their parishioners how to vote, I feel sure they will relocate to Alabama. If necessary, we can disband the University of Georgia. Wouldn't Georgia Tech be a nice catch? If we can also turn North Carolina and Virginia Blue, United America will include almost the entire Eastern seaboard. When can we meet to discuss this exciting proposal?

Regards,

Georgia

[Inoefea]

Actually, it is very well said and I think CitizenE is living in a Red State...don't worry unlike you CitizenE, we will take you in the Blue States. No hard feelings...game will soon be over.

Thank You Cheney!!! Your seal of approval has made this so much easier for those Red States!

[Fzetmptres1]

Love it!

PA for Obama/Biden '08

[DeeTwoCents]

I think this is thoughtful and well written...the reality is that we "blue" folks are constantly demonized by the red states and it is nice to see all teh wonderful things we offer as the "liberal elite"! Thanks

[sdrDusty]

This was funny 4 years ago. Now, it is neither amusing nor accurate.

Blue States? Minnesota? you mean the home of Michelle Bachman? Gee, thanks Blue States.
Or Ka-lee-for-nee-ah? with their punch-line of a govenator out stumping for McCain? And Saddleback Church? Just wow.
Or how about us evil horrid Red States like Georgia, that's so close to going for Obama that it hurts.

The truth is, like Howard Dean set out to establish, we need 50 state solutions. Look how far it's taken us already. This sort of snickering finger pointing is not anything to engage in today.

[Michealene]

Sorry, but we NEED a little satire right now. Find your sense of humor it may be all that we have left!

[sdrDusty]

I have a great sense of humor. I love satire. But if your sense of humor REQUIRES running down various states & or an entire region of the country, something is wrong with you.

[carrieanna]

Per Wikipedia:

"Texas has an economy that is the second largest in the nation and the 15th largest in the world based on GDP (PPP) figures. As the largest exporter of goods in the United States, Texas currently grosses more than 100 billion dollars a year in trade with other nations."

"According the the Tax Foundation, Texan's state and local tax burdens are among the lowest in the nation, 7th lowest nationally, with state and local taxes costing $3,580 per capita, or 8.7% of resident incomes. Texas is only one of 7 states to not have a state income tax."


For all our faults, Texas is still a great place to live.

[Dogwink]

While it is probably true that Texas is the only state that still has "W" and Bush/Cheney '04 bumper stickers gracing the backsides of its various SUVs and F150's. Its not easy living amongst the reds, but its home. At least I'll feel some solidarity on Tuesday when the percentages begin to tally. I suspect that although nowhere close to swinging the election to blue, I could see a reverse Bradley Effect here, resulting in a historic Texas Dem showing at the polls. Besides, LBJ, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter are all products of the red states...Bush was actually born and educated in the blue states, so he doesn't count as ours technicall­y....since the blues don't want him either, maybe an island far, far, away?

Texas Blue

[Vista2020]

Clever. I like it. Some people do not understand satire and the meaning behind it but this is a well thought out piece. There are many heavy issues at this point in history and not enough can be written to put an exclamation point on everything.

Thanks for the great post!

[Michealene]

Your welcome! I wish I had written it, as it is too funny. Puts a different spin on "things". I am tired of "liberal" being a bad word.

[ankjack]

Being liberal couldn't be worse than being a lackey for the robber barons. But I do think the divisive rhetoric will have to change when the election is over. The most perplexing problem, I think, will be with the "Christian" right. Politics isn't about compromise or what is possible; for them, it's about absolutes. We have already seen terrorism from this part of the population (clinic bombings). I fear that such extreme action will escalate in reaction to losing so much power.

Let's hope I'm wrong.

[blaqntelligence]

If only.......

[texanna]

Say, didn't we already try this "let's see other people for awhile" scenario? And, it wasn't a pretty picture, now was it? So, instead of cutting us loose, why not help those of us Bluies stuck in a Reddie state, turn that state the right color? We can do it, I know we can. I've been out walking door to door for a candidate for my Congressional seat and I have talked to lots of people who are nowhere near being Red. So, don't leave us out in the cold, bring us into the fold!

[ankjack]

Hey Texanna,

No, these are going to stay the United States of America, and we'll work on saving the Lone Star State from its historical tendency of poor judgement (e.g. deposing Sam Houston for speaking out against secession, voting Republican, letting Ross Perot out of his office, etc.). Perhaps, if we suspend our intellect, we could conduct a seance to bring the ghost of Ann Richards back to govern Texas, so Texans can be reminded that Bush, like his father, "was born with a silver foot in his mouth." Hopefully, the remaining reddies can connect the dots to McCain, or at least, to Palin.

Peace.