FACE IT: Who Gets to Write a Memoir?

I was at a cemetery last week, and as we were walking to the gravesite, I glanced at some of the tombstones. One Bessie Jones' made an impression: she was born in 1899 and died in 1996. Now that woman watched an entire American century, I thought. She could have told one hell of a story. Bessie Jones, as far as I know, did not write her story. But Justin Bieber is writing his.

Yes, on the same day, I came home and noticed an item in the paper announcing the upcoming publication of the 16-year-old singer's memoir. Now, I don't need to tell you that even if the teen heartthrob was adopted, abducted and had a sex change, he hasn't been around long enough to have insight or perspective about his life. At a time when virtually every breathing American has been on a reality show, and when tweets alert us to one's trip to the restroom, is it any surprise that everyone thinks his or her life is worthy of a self-told tale?

I only hope the silly ones don't get in the way of those that are worthwhile. There is evidence that the fine ones do rise to the top. Last year's autobiography of Andre Agassi, for example. Like any great memoir, it transcended the author's particular claim to fame--tennis--and was a story about passion, (and the lack thereof) parenting, (and the lack thereof) and admirable acts of courage both on and off the court. (Yes, some juicy stuff too. Who knew those locks were fake?) It was also beautifully written, suspiciously so, since Agassi, nothing if not honest, has never been known for his eloquence. This, in turn, led to a nice side benefit. I for one was so impressed with the co (or ghost) writing of J.R Moehringer that I tracked down his own little read but widely praised memoir, "The Tender Bar."

This one is not necessarily for your average book club, but Moehringer's story--written when he was in his mid 40s--is the best book I have read in a long time. He is an amazingly gifted writer and his story manages to be occasionally harrowing, self-deprecating and full of relatable life lessons. It is fair to say J.R. Moehringer was not especially well known when he wrote his story--I am amazed he got it published--but it is the kind of self-tell book that deserves to be on the shelves or on our Nooks and Kindles.

So what makes a good memoir? "The Tender Bar" proves it does not necessarily have to emanate from a fabulously familiar name. Obviously, it has to be readable and it would be great if it imparts something beyond self absorption. History helps: Ted Sorenson's autobiography a few years back was hungrily anticipated by true JFK aficionados and we were not disappointed. One need not have lived six or seven decades to be able to deliver, but those years can't help but add wisdom.

Sorenson offered great detail without resorting to the salacious stuff. (See Kathryn Harrison.) When I joined a writers group, the organizer suggested we all write short autobiographies (10 pages max) so as to get to know one another. This seemed rather pretentious to me and I kidded that mine would qualify as the most boring. After all I had a really happy childhood and had suffered nothing that could qualify as traumatic. But I went ahead with the assignment.

Well, 10 pages later, I was still uncovering things about my life I had not thought of in years and that did not likely seem significant at the time. It held its own with all the other stories which were filled with far more palpable drama. (I was truly the only one of nine who did not have at least one alcoholic parent.)

Thinking back--for the first time in decades--on a hurtful friendship in middle school, for example, obviously came through strongly. It led to my first play ("Dear Maudie") which has seemed to resonate with many tweens. I am not suggesting we all sit down and write memoirs, but I will say it is a rather healthy exercise, forcing one to dig deep to discover less obvious but obviously meaningful moments. And it's a lot less costly than years of therapy.

Do we need to know someone's back story to appreciate them? Of course not. I guess I respect Andre Agassi more now that I know the pain he went through to give us all those great hours of play. (Frankly, I respect him most for choosing J.R. Moehringer as his writing partner.) Would "Mad Men" be as compelling a series if Don Draper did not have that mysterious past? Part of me thinks so, and I admit to being a tad disappointed when he looks backward. Maybe it's just that the creator's storytelling seems less authentic through a rear view mirror than it does in the vibrant workplace. But others clearly disagree and In a sense "Mad Men" is Don Draper's memoir.

So I guess the answer is we all have a memoir inside us, even if we never write, let alone publish one. Bessie Jones certainly did, and I would have loved to read it. Even Justin Bieber may eventually have one, but let's get that drivers license first.