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Michelle Madhok Headshot

Probably Not: Ear Stapling To Reduce Appetite

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There are a lot of things I'd try out to tap that fountain of eternal body-size bliss. I think putting extra holes in my body isn't one of them. Not so much because it's so out-there extreme or dangerous (believe me I'm all over the liposuction), but because it just doesn't seem to make sense. But, you know, I've never had my ear stapled.

Here's the lowdown: an ear-stapling practitioner pokes a hole in that piece of cartilage that sticks out right above the opening to your ear canal. A thin stainless steel staple is inserted, and it stays there until you get it removed.

Allegedly, the staple hits some sort of pressure point - similar to what happens in acupuncture - that can reduce appetite, curb stress, and even eliminate nicotine cravings. Unlike acupuncture, the thing continues to pierce your skin for up to four months.

The part of the whole spiel that I find most disconcerting is the remove-and-replace cycle: Apparently, when your body gets "used to the stimulus," you have to re-staple in a "slightly different position." This sounds awfully suspect, considering the whole reason this is supposed to work in the first place is based upon a point on your ear that's connected to appetite control. Wouldn't we run out of space on that point in a few re-staples?

HowStuffWorks points out that the placebo effect could be at work here - or maybe will power kicks in when you don't want to look like you had a 60-dollar hole put in your body for no real reason.

I'm thinking I'll start with a less permanent adornment - a necklace from Conscious Jewelry. The idea is that special stones in a necklace can speed up your metabolism, relieve PMS, calm stress-related conditions, detoxify your system of pollutants, and bolster health, happiness, and enthusiasm all with the proper accessory.