06/07/2010 10:56 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

An Inconvenient Truth: Al And Tipper No More

It's the curious case of Tipper and the former Veep
Of conduct untoward we haven't heard a peep
While there's no sign of a jaunt down the Appalachian trail
Don't think we can rule out behavior beyond the pale

That it's the Gores and not the Clintons is tinged with irony
Al never even got to have his own Lewinsky
Who can forget that make-out at the 2000 Dem Convention?
In their press release, of that there was no mention

Maybe Tipper banned Al's favorite tunes: Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent
If caught listening on the sly, she may have forced him to repent
Or perhaps for them it was a dearth of marital warming
Expect within a day or so the rumors will be swarming:

A love child a la Edwards? Or a beard (Ensign's "Aunt Judy")
Even a next-wife-waiting-in-the-wings, see e.g., Big Apple's Rudy
Doubtful that Al liked his "bags held" by a Rekers rent boy
Nor is he suited, like Mark Souder, to shag one in his (part-time) employ

While we know New York's ex-Governor likes to be pleasured in his socks
We can only guess what Mr. Gore really kept in his lock-box!
His stiff persona was lampooned for years on SNL
But what one is like behind closed doors, none can ever tell

What if Tipper pulled a Nikki Haley and had not one affair, but two?
Though it seems unlikely that's something she's inclined to do
And while Silda stayed with Eliot, and Hillary with Bill
Like Elizabeth and Jenny, of married bliss she's had her fill

Al beat W in the popular vote -- could be his anger did not abate
Over the Supreme Court's recount ruling re: The Sunshine State
Once Katherine Harris was done with him he likely went off the deep end
(A chapter of U.S. history I wish we could amend!)

Juxtaposed with their West Wing pals their union seemed so staid
One wonders now if all that PDA was a charade
No new home in Montecito for the almost-first-couple of our nation
Guess they won't get to partake in any Californication!