Guess Who's Not Coming To Dinner: Why Rand Paul's Party Is Invite Only

06/02/2010 04:09 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Certain folk in Kentucky forsook their joe last week
Something a spot more bitter was what they did seek
Their guy beat Mitch McConnell's pick in the primary
Looks like they've found, at long last, the perfect blend of tea

Like the elder Mr. Paul, Rand's a red-blooded libertarian
Though it appears the latter is even more of a contrarian
Irate with the media, Pa thinks they've gone too far
Because they won't abide his view that his son is now a "star"

The Grey Lady ran his photo; catch that fist pump in the air?
Alongside his Stepford spouse, complete with mannequin-like hair
He told the crowd he's "come to take our government back"
Incendiary rhetoric from one who don't know jack!

Anointed by the teabaggers, he's their figurehead de jour
(Paul's namesake is not Ayn -- this Rand she would abhor)
Indeed, this chump would disgust a man like Howard Roark
Don't think we've seen one quite this bad since our old friend Robert Bork

Evidently not a fan of the Act known as Civil Rights
Seems to think the Constitution protects only the whites
Members of his gang were never big on "Yes, we can!"
For their taste our Chief is clearly just a bit too tan

He did a sit-down with Rachel of MSNBC
His beliefs even more frightening than you'd imagine them to be
Maddow grilled him on lunch counter desegregation
Revealing him to be a true abomination

If a proprietor won't serve someone because they're black or gay
Paul's rulebook of private business says that's perfectly ok!
He rambled on about how racist hate speech is protected
It should shock the conscience that this cretin got elected

For him, pre-sit-in Woolworth's would have been the place to dine
All was hunky dory circa 1959!
Those kids back in Greensboro should have known their place
Government can't help if you're not of a certain race

And if you're disabled, just forget the ADA
With that piece of legislation, he'd love to do away
An elevator for employees wheelchair-bound?
Boss can just say no and hope they don't stick around

The Sunday talking heads sure did dissect his victory
Paul blew off Meet the Press (no-show guests now number three)
Steele, on This Week, "can't condemn" Rand's racist views
For the RNC, this should be front page news

But Miss Alaska on Chris Wallace was true must-see TV
Calling Maddow "prejudiced," and babbling incoherently
She thinks the candidate's "right on!" -- he "would've marched with MLK!"
Can't somebody please make Sarah Palin go away?

One thing is for certain, Paul is clearly no apostle
If his bid for Senate fails, Fox can showcase him on Stossel
Let's hope Conway's got the goods to take the midterm election
And take the Bluegrass State in the right direction!