04/10/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Sex, Lies, and (a Subpoenaed) Videotape

Have we reached the saturation point for the current media tour
Of the trusted secret keeper for Edwards and his paramour
We've listened 'round the clock to this cautionary tale
Missing simpler days of "I didn't inhale"

Promoting his real baby, whom he's named The Politician
Former aide and spouse were full of contrition
Doing their mea culpa pas de deux on the tube
About as tough to decode as an old Rubik's cube

Facing confessor Woodruff, who got the scoop for 20/20
On life with Rielle, they said more than plenty
Detailing the ex-Senator's deplorable behavior
Admitting they had covered for their fallen '08 savior

Next stop: Stephanopoulos on GMA
(Seeing Matt Lauer? Not Today!)
The cutest Sunday morning roundtable host
Was hot under the collar -- we were all so engrossed

Then a trip to see the ladies of The View
Ms. Walters wishing "this book does some good for you"
You were "lying to the country," from an indignant Whoopi G.
"We did not think of consequences," answered poor Cheri

Clearly wanting to see Joy Behar again
He popped up on her evening gig for HLN
They somehow got to talking 'bout Rielle's private parts
Seems she was kept around for something other than her smarts

On MSNBC, Matthews played a bit of Hardball
Called his guest a "rat fink" -- you could almost hear Young squall
Chris pressed him for a date on which he stopped being loyal
To his former boss for whom he played the perfect foil

Yet he saved his bombshell for our dear friend Mr. Hannity:
(How long must we contend with this level of inanity?)
Just between us boys, the guy is still seeing Hunter!!
Perhaps Jerry Springer can get Elizabeth to confront her

Young told an ABC affiliate Liz was more like John's mother
(Surely this must justify relations with another)
He said Rielle believed her child would "save the universe"
Who'd have possibly imagined this could get any worse?

But soon network talking heads were seen with mouths agape
Salivating over news of the "pregnant woman" sex tape
Faux baby daddy's being sued, but right now it's his for keeps
Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll play it during sweeps

Appears this former fall guy turned out not to be so meek
At long last, he's grown a set and won't turn the other cheek
As Homer knew, revenge "is sweeter far than flowing honey"
Especially when coupled with a pile of royalty money!

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