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Top Chef All-Stars Liveblog: Episode 5

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Editor's Note: Michelle Weber of the excellent food blog Thursday Night Smackdown begins liveblogging Top Chef with HuffPost Food tonight.

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Thanks for hanging around, everyone (and sorry for the typos as I try to keep up)! See you next week!

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Wrong, Wrong, Wrong.

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Next Week: Double elimination. Fishing. Marcel continues to irritate. So, you know, par for the course.

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Tom, on Carla's dish: "It's not even worth the calories."

Brian: "They have to kick Jamie off tonight. To do anything else would be insulting to the viewers, am I right?"

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No, no, don't applaud Jamie for anything!

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Angelo can barely keep the smirk off his face as he's complimented.

WINNER: Dale!

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Hootie Hoo gets called out for not cooking with her heart, and it's like a knife in the gut for her.

The top: Tiffany, Fabio, Dale, Angelo.

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Susur, on the chicken feet: "If I had a few hours in front of the television, I could probably eat one."

THERE'S NO CRYING ON TOP CHEF.

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JUDGES' TABLE. The bottom: Casey, Antonia, Carla, Jamie and Tre.

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For more Top Chef good times, follow CulinaryPirate, LillyJ and JeffHouck and Twitter.

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Pointless interlude. Mike: "Everything sucked." Except he won immunity and a car, so he doesn't actually sound all that upset about it.

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Commercials. I like my yeast infection solution advertisements to be more subtle.

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Jamie's scallop dumplings are flat as pancakes. Is there anything in there? Let's all start fervently hoping for her elimination, shall we?

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That chicken foot looks vicious.

The diners are forgoing food to feed the children, like we're in a famine. A Dim Sum famine.

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Hootie Hoo referring to Colicchio as "Daddy" = yuck.

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The chefs are so slow that the diners are walking out. I'm surprised it took as long as it did. Tom has to go scold.

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The Chinese diners' comments are better than anything I can say.

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Those long beans look like they've had the life cooked out of them.

"Imma tell you. Pissed off Asian grannies are the most terrifying thing on earth. They made the birds fall out the sky!" (via @LillyJ)

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It's mad wokery back in the kitchen.

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Hey, it's Susur! He also looks kinda pissed before anything even begins.

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The crowd looks pissed before anything even begins, which is AWESOME.

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Also: "I'm hoping to impress the judges with my chicken feet." Which is unintentionally hilarious.

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Jamie's dumplings are not working out the way she's hoped. Jamie: Everything she touches, she destroys.

Casey: "I collect art about butchery." Which is not at all creepy.

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Do we really need our best thinkers spending their time figuring out how to make a self-sustaining amusement park?

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Commercials. You know, I really don't go to Red Lobster frequently enough. Or, you know, ever.

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Wait, Fabio, you braise you ribs at 375? Really? You should be HAPPY the ovens don't go above 300 degrees.

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That's a big ole bag of chicken feet, and that is not a euphemism.

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Now I know Tiffany's bra size, and it's taking up valuable space in my brain that I could really use for other things.

Tre astutely realizes that the Chinatown market is not Whole Foods.

Fabio: turle = "turtle."

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Dale is getting the nostalgia family edit. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN, EDITING MONKEYS?

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Casey. Lipstick. Unfortunate.

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