Getting Fired And How It Teaches You To Be A Better Parent
I was fired at the pinnacle of my career, on my 39th birthday. And in the year that followed, I learned that there are many psychological phases of being "let go."
By 38, I had a shiny new contract as the anchor of the Sunday evening broadcast; a correspondent spot on 60 Minutes Wednesday; and the possibility of co-hosting the CBS Evening News. It was great fun, and a huge steroid injection to the ego. My two girls were especially proud.
After all those years of hard work and dedication, it all ended in a flash. With Dan Rather's departure came the elimination of managers above him -- the very same managers who hired me.
It wasn't long afterward that I was negotiating my very public and very painful exit from CBS. To my kids I acted like I was giving them a gift. Somehow, I felt it was my duty to protect them from the pain I was feeling. I sugarcoated the whole thing. Big mistake.
I fed them a speech explaining how great this would be for all of us and quickly moved on, thinking I had done the right thing as a protective mother. The next day, the school called: Eight-year-old Carlie was upset, and the teacher asked if I could come in. Could I come in? Of course, this was the new me!
I found Carlie outside of her classroom in the fetal position; her teacher crouched over with her hand on Carlie's shoulder. My child was clearly upset; the teacher looked uncomfortable and said in a low voice, "Carlie tells me you're leaving your job, and she's very upset." I turned to Carlie and said, "That's a good thing, right? It's a good thing because we'll get time together. No more rushing. No more missing your events. No more job!" She pulled her head up, and, with two big blue eyes pooling with tears, said, "But Mommy, you love it so much! I don't want you to have to leave your job"
That moment was the first time I truly cried about what had happened to me, to us. I realized it would be OK to mourn together, to be angry together, to be discouraged together, and to be honest with each other. From that moment on, I sugarcoated nothing. They needed to be part of the process, whether I was up or down. It was a humbling yet enriching experience for all of us.
A fundamental lesson on being fired: Never lie about it. People will know what you're saying is a cover-up for how you really feel -- embarrassed, discouraged, and afraid. It's best to simply be true to those feelings and work form them. Kids are a great place to start with that. They too, will face challenges in life, and job loss is an opportunity to show them what you are made of.
For more check out Mika's website www.morningmika.com
Follow Mika Brzezinski on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@morningmika
Jill Brooke: News Flash to Mika Brzezinski: Not All Women Get Your Breaks And Can Have It All
Brzezinski seems to lack any compassion for the many women who desperately wanted husbands and children, but fate -- not desire -- worked against them.
Parenting.com - The home of Parenting and Babytalk
Loading comments…
Want to reply to a comment? Hint: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to
One thing I adore about Mika is her genuine approach. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing the pain of your mourning process on having lost one high-profile media job shortly before taking another. I'm sure the 10% of the country that can't find work will be happy to know that you landed on your feet.
Oh, and FYI, if you're "negotiating" the terms of your exit, that's not a firing. "You have 10 minutes to clean out your desk." That's a firing.
One way to avoid this kind of thing in the future is to do a better job, as in be competent and prepared and know what you are doing, when you get another chance.
Many Americans worship the cult of "smiley face positive thinking" where they are brainwashed into thinking that a disaster is an opportunity. Losing your when you have a family to take care of should be treated as the disaster that it truly is. Losing your job doesn't make you a better anything. All it does is bring on anxieties and no amounts of "positive thinking" will change it.
Disasters can be catalysts for change, but by and large you're correct. People worship positive thinking. It's a cult and a propaganda narrative created by the elite to suppress rage. It keeps us peasants in line with the dominant social and economic order.
I love Mika. I only just now learned that she is married with children. Congratulations. I like your pose posture and words, whenever I am able to watch. Yes you can be married and have a carrier. Find a decent understanding , man when you are young, and have at least two children. Women these days are too career oriented and delay marriage and having children. This is part of our problem. The work enviornment has improved so much for women. So ladies go do it when you are young
Maybe I'm living a different life than Mika. The thought of telling a lie to 'protect my kids' just wouldn't occur to me. I grew up in an family that thought kids were fragile. It turns out that the adults were the fragile ones. My mother died when I was very young and I have no recollection of her. Later, I asked how and why. Nobody would say. I was told not to ask anymore, especially my grandmother (her mother).
I learned that my paternal grandfather wasn't living. I asked how and why. My father only said 'train wreck'. Literally, only two words. I assumed there was a wreck and he was one of the victims.
Fifty years later, I got interested in genealogy and family history. I have no pictures of my grandfather. I went to his home town library and found the newspaper death notice. It turns out that he was a telegraph lineman and got trapped at a place on the tracks where he couldn't escape. He was run over by a freight train. It was downright grizzly. He lived long enough to give a message to his children. That little tidbit told me everything about his life and his character.
His WW I draft registration disclosed that he was tall and thin with a light complexion, blond hair and bule eyes. I have no pictures, so that's all I know.
Tell your kids everything. Their innocence and love will help you more than you know.
Mika,
For as much as I like you - and I do, Morning Joe is a "fav",
your co-hosts have you pegged when they elude to your opinions emanating "from the Hamptons".
Few of us wants our families to take on our burdens,
but when I think about family struggles (Hmmm. How do i say this easily?
Well, watch a few episodes of Ty Pennington and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition)!
With incumbent family values being increasingly supplanted in our homes
by a culture more closely aligned with that of Corporations (with a dollop of greed as an enhanced ingredient) will we ever evolve toward being forthright and honest, while having compassion and concern...not only for our own families, but for others'?
having grown up with nothing, and having spent those years hiding lest someone see me and start picking on me AGAIN, I have learned to be honest with my kids, and to make my own happy.
I have been fired, my husband has been fired, we mourn, and we get moving.
Mika, I am sorry for your loss but happy for your gain. I, too was "let go" over two years ago after being with the same company for 15 years and having achieved my dream. I was 40 years old. Your daughter's reaction to the experience sounds so raw, real and open. It is amazing what we can learn about ourselves from the mouths of babes. You gave a gift to one another. I applaud your openness with your blog. This is an experience that millions are going through or will go through. Your advice about being honest and sharing your truth is spot on. Being "fired" is becoming a universal experience. From someone who embraced the transition, I can tell you there is tremendous beauty in the aftermath. I started my own Consulting business two years ago and professionally am happier than I've ever been. Having the time to find balance and the truth behind what truly fulfills us is a journey but a worthwhile one. My best to you and your girls.
We all come together at a certain place and time and being. Sorcerers call this the assemblage point. Catholics call it the soul. Drug addicts and drunks don;t like where they come togther so they try to "move" this point chemiacally. After the drugs where off you're right back. The single most important way is to stop caring about what other people think. This moves the point to a more desirable and stable place. It's not as easy as it sounds. You have to continually monitor your thoughts and you MUST cease intercting with your family, which is the single biggest impediment to happiness there is. Your family has an "opinion" of you and they will fight like hell to make sure that opinion reamins intact. Usually this "opinion" involves some personal traits that they insist you have, most likely becasue they put them there. Ditto your employer. We all come togther in life as managers, engineers, thieves, whores whatever. But that is NOT who you are.
it appears that the hardships in life develops our souls.
for all you atheists without a soul it develops your level of compassion. or not.
Who says atheists don't have souls?
Ooooh, those despicable atheists! Uh-huh. The trouble is you use "soul" two different ways here. (1) Character, hardiness, compassion, love and (2) a mythical ball of energy that is separate from and persists after the body. The first can be verified to exist and the second cannot.
As an atheist, I find great comfort in may things -- friends, children, brave people, readings from great and thoughtful minds -- but I don't begin to understand how people find their "soul" by believing myths and outright lies about things that don't exist in the real world. How is your believing in your "god" and its attendant trappings any different from ancient peoples who were so sure that burning that woman at the stake would protect them from evil?
Illusions make people feel safe from the realities of a harsh world. It's why the religion racket was created. Sure it's useful but it's done far more harm than good. Wars, GOP, are all bad outcomes associated with cults (religion)
So atheists can't be compassionate? Wow. That's a new (and despicable) one.
To be fair, I think researcher was suggesting that "compassion" would be the preferred vocabulary for someone who doesn't (presumably) believe in a soul.
Of course, since we all have the direct experience of having what most would call a "soul" it seems to be a strange thing to say. Some of us just accept that souls are made out of neurons.
And why would not believing in a ravenous desert god mean you don't have a soul?
Be as honest with children as they can handle, but don't burden them more than necessary with one's emotional wreckage. If a parent is hurting, children will pick up on it quickly enough, anyway.
There is a fine line between using children as emotional crutches and being honest with them. Not every parent can walk that line without crossing over it.
I find Mika to be an honest woman because she's learned that when it comes to making an attempt to have it all, it's hard. My mom is a superhero (in my eyes at least) and she's always up on her feet making dinner, taking the dog on walks, cleaning up after dinner and etc, so i can see that it's definitely hard. I praise Mika for not letting a loss get her down, even after the initial let-down and she's never been one to say that she's perfect cause from this experience, she's not and nobody is.
So to Mika, keep pushing on and don't let failure get you down.
Ann (Jade)
I came across a video http://www.youtube.com/user/bethatwomann) that shows opportunity, and may be helpful and inspirational to many women in the world that have lost their jobs. Please watch and share... It may be helpful to some people...
I posted a comment before but that link wasn't working, so this one should.. :-)
Yeah... It's so much fun losing your job. It was party-time! After losing my job, I must admit I really enjoyed it when my ex-wife walked out of our apartment stiffing me with the rest of the lease. That was loads of fun! Then she returned two days later and took all of her possessions out of the apartment. That was even more fun! Then I discovered she had been sleeping with the brother of a friend. That was just bloody hilarious! I couldn't afford the apartment anymore so I was homeless for about a year. That was the highlight of my life - a constant party!
Those were memorable days...
I think you missed the point, but whatever. . .
Ooo, ooo, ooo, I know, I know. Permenant camping in the park! Sleeping in the car! Fishing for dumpster food! Panhandling! Standing in line at the shelter! Visiting the food bank! So much fun can be had when you are unemployed. Thanks, Mika, your tragic experiences help all of us. You're just the bestest ever.
LOL
You must be logged in to comment. Log in or connect with
