Why do so many effeminate gay men prefer in their partners the very masculinity they've bleached out of themselves?
The obvious answer is that they're attracted to their opposites. But that answer only goes so far. Effeminate men may lust for their masculine counterparts but most masculine men don't return the favor.
Effeminate men get hoisted on their own chiffon petards. The more they take on effeminate characteristics the less able they are to attract the kinds of guys they want to sleep with. This is a mating absurdity.
Imagine birds trying to attract mates with red and white plumage when the objects of their affection are attracted to yellow and green.
The mis-matched mating call of the merry marys brings up a great question: If effeminacy is counter-productive to attracting the kind of sexual partners you want, then why not butch it up?
Is it because like being gay, being effeminate isn't a choice?
Nobody knows what fuels the gay flame -- nature or nurture. Some believe gay guys turn sissy because they're naturally nelly and some think it's because they're conforming to a culture that expects it.
I've always maintained that effeminacy is like obesity. Sometimes it's glandular, but mostly it's cultural.
There's an undeniable Pansy Vortex in gay life. You fall into it with baggy jeans and a t-shirt and climb out of it with spandex up the crack of your ass.
How else do you explain my ex-boyfriend "Larry?" Closeted when I met him, he was popular, gorgeous, smart and athletic. He was the be to everyone's bop. Then he came out. Everybody he hung out with liked to do drag and camp it up. Suddenly, Larry started shaving his legs, wearing tight shorts, and calling everyone "girl." He ripened into a fruit before my very eyes.
Larry slid into the Pansy Vortex and I couldn't do anything about it. One day he made me close my eyes and sit at the foot of his bed for a surprise. He pulled out a long black wig and a slinky Bob Mackie knock-off. And that was the end of that.
Now was Larry born with the desire to dress like Cher or did he just adapt to a culture that demanded it? After all, gay culture encourages effeminacy -- we venerate drag, often call each other "girl," love bitchy humor and consider camp an art form.
Whether the ability to walk with a lisp is in-born or lea rned, there's no denying that most nelly guys don't find other nelly guys sexy. A study published in the American Psychological Association showed a substantial number of effeminate-identified men who prefer masculine men for their sexual partners.
Even the nelly don't equate nelliness with sexiness. And that's a shame. Because there's something self-negating about taking on characteristics you don't want your partners to have. There are lots of ironies in gay life but none perhaps greater than this: Sissies are often the biggest sissyphobes of all.
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Misogyny much, bro? (The more masculine among us gay men like to throw out 'dude' and 'bro,' ya know, just for full effect...)
But since he seems to feel that it's worthwhile to create sub-sets of gay men, I'll simply ask him which column he places his own name under and how that effects his life.
Would you put people down who do have "nelly" voices or "limp writst"? That's what Alvear is doing here. He's an Uncle Tom sucking up to the guys who don't have the balls to be identified as gay but can't seem to stop sleeping with men. I'm glad you feel like your "efforts paid off" but I'm sorry if you think that other people need to change similarly in order to be acceptable. I'd rather know a man for who he is than for who he pretends to be.
I've always been "in the middle" on the butch/fem scale, but I definitely was more effeminate as a kid. I grew up in a small town, felt isolated and, as a young adult, it was a form of expression and my attempt to stand out and feel accepted. I also thought the world revolved around me and if I didn't fem it up, I would wither and die.
So, I had it in me to begin with, but I felt an artificial nature to flesh it out. Definitely nature and nurture.
The Sanctity of the Self.
Most gay men seem to fall between the two extremes themselves, and are attracted to neither they effeminate nor the hypermasculine.
There's a gene that stops you from sensing yourself as a different presence in the room, when defective people feel like they are always being watched when alone. We aren't even close to figuring it all out.
Ever heard of the phrase: "I'm gay because I like MEN not women?" or "No Fats, No Fems"? Mike merely attempts to dissect the phenomenon. Sorry but he has a point and I for one observed the same scenes in Gay America. Makes for the gay man's obsession with "straight" men to the point of destruction. Same reason why a previously closeted star who comes out becomes unimportant to gay men because the fantasy of a heterosexual star is diminished. I think it the most reason why some actors stay in the closet too. To keep them guessing and interested. That is after all the selling point of a star. For any effete guy to deny this attraction to their more muscular counterpart is a meaningless lie. Unpleasant truth to some but nevertheless there it is.
Your post is a series of bigoted lies. The vast majority of gay men - virtually all of them, except for the very young - are looking for other gay men. That's the main reason for "gaydar," to spot a potential mate. And even young gay guys aren't really looking for straight people, they just misidentify people's sexual orientation. Later, they'll hone their gaydar and use it more effectively.
I'm also not aware of any evidence, even anecdotal, that gay men prefer heterosexual stars and lose interest when a star comes out. The celebrities who get (positive) attention from gay media are those who are either gay or vocally pro-gay. The exception is people like Pete Wenz who, though straight, are highly androgenous.
Your claim that all "effete" men are attracted to muscular men, and that they're lying if they say otherwise, is downright laughable - and it's at this point where your purpose for posting becomes clearest. You're not even trying to post accurately. I think what you're trying to do is be inflammatory.