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Mike Gellman
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Iron Mike Gellman was one of the Web's first bloggers, creating the medium before it had a name. With his antisocial essays published at the eponymous TheIronMike.com, he's been compared to David Sedaris and Larry David and Chuck Klosterman and Chuck Palahniuk. He is the author of the cult classic, Battery Acid for the Soul, and its long-awaited follow-up, Spew. Iron Mike Gellman is based out of Denver, Colorado, where he's a notorious fixture in the local underground.

Blog Entries by Mike Gellman

Strip It Good!

Posted December 2, 2010 | 18:18:39 (EST)

There's a common misconception among women that all men love strip clubs. Well, I'm one man that doesn't love strip clubs. I definitely don't hate them and, depending upon how much I've had to drink, I sometimes really, really, really like them. However, I don't love strip clubs.

Sure I...

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Jammin' on the One

Posted November 17, 2010 | 17:01:46 (EST)

Denver, for all intents and purposes, is the Jam Band Capital of the World. I, like anybody with an iota of taste, know that's nothing to be proud of. Still, it's better than being The Old Person Capital or the World like Miami of The Douchebag Capital of the World...

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No Boarding

Posted November 10, 2010 | 16:52:07 (EST)

With the the fall of the first snow in Colorado, most of my fellow Denverites are preparing for a long winter of mountain sports. They're waxing their skis and sharpening their edges and tightening their boots to ready themselves for what they assume will be an "epic season." I, on...

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Mystery Meat

Posted October 27, 2010 | 12:44:59 (EST)

It seems like everyday a new creature is discovered that was previously thought to be mythical or nonexistent. A few months ago, some Italians discovered a one-horned roe deer that may actually be a Unicorn. Then, a lady in Texas found roadkill which could possibly be a Chupacabra....

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All Hallows' Sleeve

Posted October 21, 2010 | 13:22:19 (EST)

Ladies and gentlemen of the Halloween costume-wearing class of 2010...

Do not dress as Snooki or The Situation.

If I could offer you only one tip for this upcoming holiday, avoiding Jersey Shore garb would be it.

Like St. Patrick's Day, Cinco de Mayo, Flag Day, and Yom Kippur, Halloween...

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Hair of the Mug

Posted October 13, 2010 | 19:20:10 (EST)

It's that time of the year again. The glorious month where I grow my Octobeard.

Usually, when I grow a beard, it's a very organized process. I plan and I trim and I shape. I use Just for Men Beard Formula to get rid of what I call the...

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I Saw You on Intervention

Posted October 7, 2010 | 16:54:00 (EST)

I love Intervention! Yes, the A&E program that takes pathetic people at the lowest points in their lives and blatantly exploits them in order to achieve basic cable ratings glory is one of my true joys.

Why do I adore this show so much? In a nutshell, no matter...

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The Shart Heard Round the World

Posted October 1, 2010 | 17:56:07 (EST)

It happened on a Saturday morning. I was driving to Glendale to pick up my mother-in-law's birds. Back then, I was married and could get talked into things as ridiculous as transporting cockatiels from place to place in order to give them a change of scenery. The night before, I...

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Who Gives a F*** Where You Are

Posted September 28, 2010 | 19:11:13 (EST)

A while back, I launched The Who Gives A F*** What You're Doing Campaign. It was intended to keep Facebook users from posting stupid shit about their kids and pets; tales of marathon running, road biking, and yoga; pictures of their meals and hobbies; or anything related to the weather,...

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