Today, April 1st, is the first day in two years that I can say what I want. Until yesterday, I was employed as spokesman, speechwriter and press flack for a Member of Congress. As such, whatever I said or wrote was attributed to my boss and, honestly, I don't even claim credit for half the crap I spout. So, here are some basic observations from two years inside the belly of the beast:
1. Congress is a fairly adequate representation of America.
It's frightening, but true. House members and senators represent the best, worst and most mediocre of America. They're health nuts and heavy drinkers; family folks and philanderers; geniuses and Joe Wilson. Granted, women and minorities are under-represented and I have to believe that there's a much higher percentage of closeted gay Republicans here than in the country at large. But, all-in-all the lawyers, car dealers, community organizers and offspring of former politicians who serve in Congress represent us all too well.
2. Incumbents aren't the problem, likely voters are.
Seriously, has there ever been a more incompetent pack of idiots than those of us who vote in every election? The one constant that binds every political embarrassment - from Duke Cunningham to Rod Blagojevich to William Jefferson - is that they were all repeatedly elected by likely voters.
You want to vote out the incumbents? Fine, have at it. But what makes you think the dimwits who sent Virginia Foxx to Washington would replace her with someone from our planet? Not to mention the obvious fact that ridding Washington of incumbents is a never-ending chore. Every two years there's another batch of bums to toss out.
Besides, whatever problems Congress has - swollen prostates, an inability to listen, latent sexual deviancy - won't be cured by turning the institution over to rookies. Look at the states with term limits, like California, and see what happens to government when your legislators are all virgins and the lobbyists are high school quarterbacks.
3. Hypocrisy knows no party.
It's hard to beat a Treasury Secretary who doesn't pay taxes or the Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee who can't handle money. But for pure balls-out hypocrisy, few hold a candle to South Carolina congressman Addison Graves (Joe) Wilson. Never mind the impressive BS skills to shorten the elitist "Addison" to just plain "Joe", Rep. Wilson's real skills are on display when he rails to his Tea Party base about the evils of government-run health care, while embracing government-run health care for he and his family. And I'm not talking about the Federal Workers plan that Congress gets. No, chickenhawk Joe benefits from military Tricare for as long as his tiny little legs are still kicking. This is a reward from a grateful nation for dodging the Vietnam War in 1972 by joining the Army Reserves and rising to the rank of Weekend Colonel.
4. The old definitions no longer apply.
I arrived in Washington thinking that I was pretty well-versed in politics, but quickly came to realize that even the most commonly-used political terms didn't mean what I thought they did. So here are a few definitions to help make sense of the evening news:
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Don't get me wrong, this post was funny and I did chuckle, but how sad as a nation that we will respond with interest and delight to humor and won't learn to read a darn piece of legislation.
If Americans knew the wheeling and dealing going on between Politicians, no one would ever get elected. People have to take the blinders off, they never will but one can always hope.
Great post, if we cannot laugh at politics we would spend all our time crying, or at least screaming. Your definitions are right on the nose, especially Democrats, its true most of us just don't have a reasonable alternative.
I agree with those who say Write a Book!
I think if more people started actually following politics, we'd see less radicalism in our government. An enlightened electorate wouldn't be fooled by sloganeering, jingoism, and spin.
We need a better educated country.
I agree. We have built and settled for a society where the legal drinking, driving and military service ages are looked forward to rather than the legal voting age. We purposefully work toward a politically ignorant populace.
This could change, but politicians have no interest in dealing with an educated youth - that's why during the presidential years there's always the "youth vote" question, and whether the youth will bother to show. Older people don't want to lose political power, so there's never a move to educate young people about our process.
Kids don't know to organize, esp when they have more immediate concerns, like dating, driving and moving out of our parents' homes. Our youngest, most energetic citizens should be the ones that definitely vote every time. But, no, politics are boring we're told. Everything is boring if you don't know the rules.
Sloganeering and jingoism will never stop as long as 1) they work, 2) they're relatively inexpensive, and 3) we (populace) expect them - "That's just the way politicians are!"
Even if politics as we know them today hurts millions of people, as long as politicians know how to get elected there will be no change.
(though it does make a dandy booster seat for my three year-old great-nephew)
Thanks for lightening my day! Have a good one yourself.
And I absolutely adored Grace Under Fire. Brett Butler was just hilarious on that show. I hope she's doing well now.