Let Go of Worry

How often do you catch yourself worrying?

When I was a kid my mom used to say to me, "95 percent of what you worry about never happens." I think she recognized that I was the "worrying type" and was trying to help ease my mind. Although this rarely worked, I appreciated her sentiment and know now that she was right.

For as long as I can remember, I've been prone to worrying. I continue to work on this, let it go, forgive myself for it, and choose different ways of being in the face of my fear. And, I still catch myself worrying more than I'd like -- about the future, about my body, about how things will turn out, about what people think about me, about money, about the well-being of my loved ones, about the state of the world, and much more.

However, no matter how much we worry, it never really helps. And, as we look deeper at what worrying actually is -- a set-up for failure, a negative attractor, and a denial or avoidance of feeling our true feelings -- we see that it can have a damaging impact on our lives, our work, and our relationships. When we worry, we're simply preparing to be upset or angry -- assuming something won't work out in the future.

Worry not only creates stress, it has an impact (usually negative) on what we create and manifest, and on our experiences in life in general. Worry is a superficial emotion. It's clearly something that many of us are all familiar with, can share with others in a way that will garner sympathy, empathy or even pity, and is easy for us to go through daily life experiencing. However, underneath our worry are usually deeper emotions like shame, fear, guilt, hurt or anger; many of which are more difficult for us to feel and express.

If we're able to tell the truth and face our deeper feelings, we won't have to waste our time and energy worrying. We can then deal with the root of the issue, not the superficial impact of it (which is what worry usually is).

There's nothing wrong with feeling scared, angry, hurt and even "worried," in and of itself. These emotions, like love, gratitude, excitement, joy, and others are very important to our human experience. Emotions that are felt deeply and expressed appropriately give us power (regardless of what they are). Emotions that are not felt deeply, that are denied or avoided, and are not effectively expressed, can be damaging to us and those around us.

Worry is always a sign that there are some deeper feelings or issues for us to address. It's often a good reminder for us to get more real, take better care of ourselves, and pay attention.

Below is a list of some things you can do when you get worried. These simple ideas can help you move through your worry in a positive way:

1. When you notice yourself worrying; stop, check in with yourself, and take a few slow deep breaths (all the way down to your belly).
2. Ask yourself, what's underneath my worry? (i.e. why am I really worried and what am I really feeling?)
3. Face, feel, and express these underlying emotions -- get support from others in this process if you need it.
4. Once you have felt and expressed these emotions, choose how you want to feel and what you want to create, instead of playing the role of the victim.
5. Appreciate yourself for the courage it takes to be honest and to deal with the challenging situations or emotions you're experiencing.
6. Focus on the good stuff in your life (i.e. be grateful for what you have, who you are, and what you're going through)
7. Be of service to others -- generously put your attention on those around you who can benefit from your help. It will be a great gift to them and to you. Service can allow you to shift your attention from your worry to what you have to give, which is a true win-win for everyone involved.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of "Focus on the Good Stuff" (Wiley) and "Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken" (Wiley). More info -- www.Mike-Robbins.com

 

 

 

Follow Mike Robbins on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mikedrobbins

Comments

[MissAngela]

03:02 AM on 02/08/2011

I made up a worrying exercise while writing my journal - I wrote down every bad outcome I could think of, in the most dramatic and terrible ways, then asked myself what I would do next, who would I be? I looked at my list and laughed at how improbable it all was and how useless it is to worry so much. It was a release to get it all out there.

[monpetitesweet]

10:05 PM on 02/07/2011

This would be a huge gift to me to stop worrying. I worry about everything, even things twenty years from now. I feel like I am hardwired and feel like there is little I can do to fix it. I absolutely know all the helpful hints you suggest would work, however, my mind seems to never be able to switch off. I just do not know the underlying cause, it has defined me for such a long time.

[veggieone]

09:44 PM on 02/08/2011

I'm sorry you have such a problem with worrying. You should try meditation that could help you a lot. Learning to control your thoughts is the key.

[ToniEmerson]

09:59 PM on 02/07/2011

Great Article, Mike, thanks.
I am a bit worried about worrying now..lol... I appreciate the ideas to move through worries. I can relate to what you are sharing about your own experience. I am better at positively handling certain kinds of worry (finances, relationships) than others (health). Sometimes, the best I can do and the fastest way to get through the other side is to sit with it completely and feel it exhaustively. Then, invariably, it passes.
Thanks,
Toni
www.TheLoveDialogues.com

[MeinNH]

09:27 AM on 02/06/2011

I have tried not to give in to worry, but in all reality it is difficult when you have to wonder if you can afford to pay your rent, keep the power on, have heat, get medications and medical care, have food on the table and so on.

[paxatman]

09:12 AM on 02/06/2011

Thank you for a wonderful and considerate article.

One of my favorites quotes, also proves helpful.

"My ship comes in over calm waters, under grace, in perfect ways" Florence Scolville Shinn.

[David4FreePress]

04:22 PM on 02/05/2011

Thank you for very practical advice.
Energy healers view worry and anger as negative energy to be avoided.
I can only add the step of educating oneself about a worrysome problem to help find a solution or work around.

[feyangel]

12:49 PM on 02/05/2011

Good article. As an inherent "worrier" who has passed the habit along to my daughters, I have been looking at how to break the pattern when it comes up. My awareness has included many of the same steps you wrote about.