Let's Get Real About Money: Tips for Financial Sobriety
How much money do you make? How much debt do you have? How much money do you spend each month? How much money do you have saved? How do you feel about money in general and yourself in terms of your financial situation?
These questions, and others like them, are about as personal and intimate as almost any questions we can ask ourselves and each other. Money is one of the most emotionally charged issues in our lives, especially these days. Because of our feelings of shame, guilt, confusion, judgment, fear, and more about money - we often don't ask or answer these questions in an honest way. Our inability or lack of comfort with this type of authentic discussion about money is one of the biggest reasons money continues to be such an area of stress, struggle, and confusion for so many of us.
I’ve struggled with money for much of my life – both not having money (growing up poor) and also not really understanding how it works, how to plan/spend/save in a conscious way, or how to attract it into my life. Over the past few years as I’ve begun to learn a little bit about money and also manifest a bit more of it in my life, my feelings have not really changed all that much. For example, instead of feeling ashamed of not having much money, I’ve simply shifted to feeling ashamed of not saving better or spending more wisely (and then assuming something was really wrong with me because even with more money coming in, we didn’t seem to be making that much financial progress).
As our financial circumstances change, how we relate to money often doesn’t change on its own, unless we intervene in a conscious way. And, as many of us have been impacted by the current recession, it may be shining a light on some of the unhealthy, unconscious, and negative patterns we have about money – both specific and emotional. My wife Michelle and I have been humbled this year by our decrease in revenue and the impact it has had on us, both financially and emotionally (as have so many people I’ve talked to about it). Yet, at the same time – we’re finding ourselves eternally grateful for the wake-up call and the increased awareness this has brought about for us – both in terms of money and with life in general.
This “financial sobriety” that many of us are going through, whether we wanted to or not, can be such a blessing in our lives if we’re willing to really embrace it, tell the truth about it, and use it as an opportunity to grow, learn, and transform. However, in order to do this we’re going to have to GET REAL about it. Getting real about how we feel about money and, more specifically, about our specific financial situation is challenging for many of us. We often spend and waste so much time and energy in judgment (of ourselves and others) about money; the thought of being vulnerable and transparent about it is something most of us choose not to do.
What if we did actually tell the truth about money – in detail, with specifics, and in an honest way? While doing this may seem scary on the surface, think of how liberating it would be, how much stress it could reduce, and how much genuine support we could receive ourselves or provide for others if we did.
Here are a few things you can do to challenge yourself to get more real about money, and in the process liberate yourself with more freedom, less stress, and increased peace about your finances and your life.
1) Tell the truth about how you feel about money. How obsessed are you with money? How much of your self-worth comes from your net worth (or lack thereof)? Do you avoid your finances, judge yourself and others about money, or pretend money isn’t really all that important (when in truth it is for you)? See if you can be honest about your own personal relationship to money. You may feel great and very peaceful about money (although I don’t know too many people who do). You may have a lot of fear, stress, shame, guilt, confusion, or anger about money. As with everything else in life, “the truth will set you free.” The more honest you are about your own relationship to money, the more freedom you’ll have.
2) Share the specifics of your financial situation with others. This one is BIG and for many of us, and quite scary. First, you have to confront that fact that you may not actually know the specifics of your finances (how much you make, how much you spend, how much debt or savings you have, etc.) When it comes to our money, “knowledge is power.” If we’re not clear about the details of our finances, it makes it difficult, if not impossible, to change them. Once we do know, being able to share our financial details with others, even if we feel a sense of fear, shame, guilt, or anything else about them, can be incredibly liberating and empowering. It takes a lot of energy to lie and pretend we have things all together when we don’t. When we share our finances with other people, we have the ability to be free about it, as well as get some valuable feedback and support.
3) Ask for support and give it to others. Being able to ask basic (or advanced) questions, reach out for help, and lean on others is so important in all aspects of life, especially with our finances. However, because of our emotional charge with money specifically, this is one of those areas we tend not to reach out to others about. It’s counter-productive for us to try to figure it out all by ourselves, especially if money is something we struggle with personally. And, regardless of how financially “successful” or knowledgeable we consider ourselves, we can always support and encourage those around us...even if it’s simply listening to them or being someone who they feel safe enough to share with about this vulnerable subject. We don’t have to do this all alone!
Have as much empathy and compassion for yourself and other people as possible when it comes to money. This one is such a big deal for so many of us, especially in today’s environment and climate. Being honest and vulnerable about money one of the best things we can do, not only right now during this recession, but as we move forward – to deepen our capacities for authenticity, abundance, and fulfillment in life!
Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info - www.Mike-Robbins.com
Follow Mike Robbins on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mikedrobbins
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God! Really well said, RuleOfLaw! Beautifully said. And I agree with you 1000%.
Soory I missed to post the video :
http://www
Possibly of great use in that context would be a look back at what the financial experts
forecast and predicted at the height of the recent media hype, a hype in which some of the TV experts
were incredibly wrong. As what they said speaks for itself:
Mike, we are way past the need for this.
If you truly want to help people, lay out a step by step program that anyone can use to protect themselves, their family, their homes, and survive the second half of this artificial economic progrom.
What was a tragedy in 1932 will, this time, be a catastrophe. What have you got for us?
See Mike Robbins's Profile
While I appreciate you taking the time to comment, I am not sure I understand your frustration or your question. I don't agree that we are "past" this - most of us are so full of it about our money and until we get honest and real about, we will have a difficult time as individuals and as a society making progress financially.
And I appreciate you're taking the time to reply, so let me clarify. It isn't that what you offer here has no value, it does. But for most working and middle class Americans--the ones most negatively affected by this economic tsunami that's being run by Wall Street--there is a real need for nut and bolts information about exactly what needs to be done to keep them from being swept away by the wave.
Yes, we should deal with the shame guilt anger and confusion and also the sense of powerlessness and disenfranc
pt2
That is my frustration, and that of everyone I know who is facing the day to day agony of just surviving lost jobs, homes, retirement, health coverage. People who's "options" are where they will park the car tonight to sleep in. Or how many places they'll hand out their resumes tomorrow. Or whether to pay the electric bill or eat that tonight. Washington is so out of touch with that reality, that of the nearly 12.5 Trillion spent on the bailout, only 13% has gone to the people.
http://www
We're being ignored--or worse, set up to fail. Not one blogger that I've spoken with with offer a 10 point program for survival. Perhaps, as you suggest, talking about it, creating support groups and networks is the most logical first step. But then what? No one will say. As though there is a prohibition on giving those who most need it the tools to protect themselves.
pt3
In the last Great Depression we were still an agrarian society and many people could at least feed themselves
We don't have the luxury of time. We need answers today. I hope I've been more clear about what I think the People need. And my frustration with the celebrity bloggers here on HuffPo. If no one will help create real world workable solutions for basic survival that the People can implement Today, then we will see a level of misery in this country that will make the last Great Depression look like a Hollywood movie.
Thank you.
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