On Friday, Paranoia will run wild at your local movie theater chain. In Paranoia, Harrison Ford (Air Force One) and Gary Oldman (Air Force One) star as dueling titans of technology, with Liam Hemsworth's (
Air Force One) up-and-coming whiz kid caught in the middle. Is anyone actually paranoid in Paranoia? As a service to you, we answer every question that you could possibly have about Paranoia.
Q: Who is paranoid in Paranoia?
A: No one, really. Except perhaps anyone who's buying a ticket to Paranoia, and is paranoid that he or she just bought a ticket to a bad movie.
Q: Is Paranoia at all about paranoia?
A: Honestly, I have no idea where that title comes from (besides the book on which the film is based). Paranoia is about a technology hot shot (Liam Hemsworth) who gets fired from his hot shot technology job after a bad pitch meeting.
Q: Who fires Hot Shot?
A: The character's name is not Hot Shot, it's Adam Cassidy. And he's fired by a technology tycoon named Nicolas Wyatt (Gary Oldman).
Q: For the rest of this fake Q&A, will you refer to Adam Cassidy as "Hot Shot"?
Q: If Hot Shot gets fired so early in the film for being bad at his job, why is he sought after by two big technology companies?
A: After being fired, Hot Shot takes his friends out on the town and runs up $16,000 in charges on his former company's dime. After this, Nicholas Wyatt blackmails Hot Shot into criminal activity.
Q: What kind of criminal activity?
A: Wyatt's former partner and now rival, Jock Goddard (Ford), is developing new smartphone technology that Wyatt wants to steal. With the promise of not prosecuting and $1.5 million, he sends Hot Shot in to steal it.
Q: Is there any chance that Harrison Ford understands (or cares about) the technical jargon in the lines that he's delivering?
Q: Why does Harrison Ford have no hair in Paranoia?
A: He has hair, it's just cut extremely short. It's never explained other than the fact that it appears that he likes the haircut for whatever reason.
Q: Is Paranoia a heist movie?
A: No. Wyatt and his lackeys manipulate a few aspects of Hot Shot's life, making it appear that Hot Shot is in demand. From this, Goddard hires Hot Shot.
Q: What is the technology that everyone wants so bad?
A: This isn't 100 percent clear. Though, I'm fairly sure it's about a new phone that will allow you to leave your keys and your wallet at home.
Q: And from here everything goes smoothly?
A: Hot Shot feels that he's constantly being monitored.
Q: Oh, paranoia! There it is! Is that where the title of the movie come from?
A: I don't feel that's technically paranoia since it turns out that he's right.
Q: So are any of the characters in Paranoia actually paranoid?
A: Not really. They seem acutely aware of their surroundings, if anything.
Q: What would be a better title for Paranoia?
A: Sound Intuition. Or, perhaps, Precise Awareness.
Q: Is there anyone Hot Shot trusts?
A: Hot Shot trusts his dad, played by Richard Dreyfuss.
Q: Wait, Richard Dreyfuss is in Paranoia?
A: Hot Shot's father is sick and needs health care, so this is another reason Hot Shot agrees to this whole scheme.
Q: Since this movie has things to say about the state of health care, too, maybe a better title would have been Stealysium?
A: Stop it.
Q: Why didn't Hot Shot just spend the $16,000 used to booze up his friends on his dad's medical bills?
A: Because Hot Shot isn't a very good person. Honestly, no one in this movie is very likable, which is a problem.
Q: What's an example of a line Hot Shot uses to win the affection of a girl that he likes?
A: "Didn't we have sex?"
Q: What's the most grizzled line that Harrison Ford delivers in Paranoia?
Q: On a scale of one to 10, with "I already work around the clock!" being a 10, where does "And now I'm standing on your neck!" rank on that scale?
A: "And now I'm standing on your neck!" is a solid seven.
Q: Are there any planes involved in this movie?
A: No. So, no, no one is asked to get off of a plane.
Q: With Harrison Ford in this movie, what will be your we-all-know-it's-coming Star Wars reference?
A: Here's that trailer for The Empire Strikes Back in which an insanely spirited Ford provides the voiceover.
Q: With Harrison Ford in this movie, what will be your we-all-know-it's-coming Indiana Jones reference?
A: How about this little known scene of Harrison Ford playing Indiana Jones in an episode of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles?
Q: Is there anything redeeming about Paranoia?
A: Not really. There are some interesting ideas in there, but they're wasted with boring characters that also happen to be unlikable. And, not to mention, an ending that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Mike Ryan is senior writer for Huffington Post Entertainment. You can contact him directly on Twitter.