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Miles Klee

Miles Klee

Posted: October 16, 2009 12:08 PM

Doctors Tackle The Rickrolling Pandemic

What's Your Reaction?

Hippocrates
In short, the spread of this abhorrent condition can in no way be attributed to deities, and I am content to put that matter to rest forever.

Some Monk
Whan that drad maladye of rickrollyng, delivered to us by Our Lord and Savior as portente of His Hooly Judgment, strykes with terrible corage, leaping from flyckereng Devilbox to Devilbox across the miasma in the cweer disgyse of Richard of Astley, Galen adviseth couching a deed polcat upon the cheste of the rickrolld ful swithe to balance the overly sangwyn humors caused by daemonic, forbidden styles of dance. Should aught myscarie, the tempting daemon in ewe's tranchcoat may be exorsysed by a pothecarie and monk with vipere flesh treacle and pious flagellation. The images borne to the disesed are natheless a symbol of Our Father's sacred promyse to N'er Let Us Downe

B.F. Skinner
The behavioral evolution and evident superstition of "rickrollers." 30 assorted clerical office workers placed in modified operant conditioning chamber w/ Internet-ready laptops. Participants given private e-mail accounts, basic primer on web browsing; tasked with trivial clerical duties. Baloney sandwich on WonderBread dropped thru access slot at regular intervals w/o reference to subject behavior. Individuals associate sandwiches with behaviors preceding appearance of said, in most cases, "rickrolling" a member of control group in conditioning chamber next door. No positive reinforcement required for compulsive "rickrolling"--participants believe behavior requisite for feeding. Negative ratio reinforcement in form of short electric shock administered at exponentially shorter intervals: useless. Control group response times in reciting lyrics to select 1987 "pop" music single diminishing along quadratic curve.

Josef Mengele
Using stray skin and hair cells meticulously collected from Rick Astley's bathroom sink (in 1987, at the height of his power), I have cloned over 100 shining perfect new Rick Astley children and arranged unwitting adoptive families for each. These foster households, scattered amongst the small coal-mining towns of Northern England, will serve to replicate the formative environment that gave our world its glorious Third Rick (following Rick James and Rick Springfield). At an appointed time during a clone's teenage years, a shadow complement of former SS officers will materialize and invite him to join their mediocre soul band, providing the necessary springboard for his meteoric and triumphant solo career, which will last forever this time.

Jack Kevorkian
Rickrollers experience no quality of life and want to give up some things more than others.