Medium Shot of Tina Fey in full Sarah Palin costume sitting behind a large executive desk with a Vice-Presidential seal attached, American, Confederate and Alaska Independence flags in the background, plastic Jesus on the desk. Through the monologue, the camera slowly zooms in until Tina is in close-up by the end.
Tina: My name is Tina Fey, and tonight I'm announcing my endorsement of John McCain and Sarah Palin.
Does that mean I believe McCain and Palin are the best candidates for the country? Not on your life.
Does that mean McCain and Palin are the best candidates for me, Tina Fey? You can bet your boodies!
The economy may be going into the crapper, McCain and Palin may not have a clue what to do about it, and lots of you out there may end up losing your jobs and your homes.
But why should I care? Personally, I'll be in hog heaven, with or without lipstick (and yes, the pig reference is meant for you, Sarah, since it will all be because of you.)
My price will quadruple. I'll be selling out arenas from Bangor to Fairbanks with my Sarah impersonation act. They'll even have to build me my own theater in Vegas like Cher.
The Republicans believe that the best thing for the country is to get the government out of the way of the free market and let us each pursue our own enlightened self-interest. Well, I'll be pursuing mine, Jack! I won't be sticking out my fingers for no stinking government handouts.
While you all lose your homes, I'll be using my newfound cash to buy them up at foreclosure sales from bankrupt banks, hiring you for minimum wage to slap on a new coat of paint, and flipping them at a profit.
And if McCain should kick the bucket and Sarah makes it all the way to the White House from the VP Mansion at Naval Observatory where she'll be keeping tabs on the Russkis from her telescope, well, then the skies the limit for me.
So you all may be screwed, but what's it to me? I'll be too busy drinking champagne and eating caviar. After all, according to the Republicans, isn't that the American way?
Cut to close-up of Tina, now out of costume appearing as herself:
Tina: My name is Tina Fey, and I approved this ad.
Fade to new campaign poster with picture of Tina as Sarah waving to a crowd and the new logo:
PUTTING ME FIRST!"