The New York Times recently featured an article on the new phenomenon of the "buddymoon," a group vacation that masquerades as a honeymoon. Newlyweds are trailed by a cohort of other couples, single friends, college roommates and assorted relatives as they embark on a journey of intimacy and togetherness at the start of their married life.
Like a Facebook page come alive, the Buddymoon is a shared experience, complete with an ongoing dialogue and group participation at (nearly) every juncture. As on Facebook, the public and private experience congeals into one interactive glom, where life is lived before an appreciative audience -- and everyone joins in the fun.
Group trips are great -- as is a tight social network -- at every stage in life. Some of my fondest memories include adventures with girlfriends, extended family vacations, and trips my husband and I have made with our closest friends.
But a honeymoon is a time of oneness, and a rest, after a momentous occasion: the launch of a lifelong partnership. These spouses will create a life together, replete with the joys and challenges of family and adult responsibilities, "for better and for worse." As that existence unfolds, the opportunity for extended intimate time for a couple will shrink from a week in the Caribbean to a night at the movies -- and maybe a drink or cup of coffee afterward if the babysitting meter isn't running too quickly.
Buddymoons -- with all the light and juvenile connotations of the word "buddy" -- cannot compare to honeymoons, just as "living with" cannot compare to marriage. "Living with" is a dress rehearsal, a lead-in to a lifelong committed relationship. Once both parties have passed the try out, they enter a different phase. When people marry, they morph their relationship into a new being. As Shakespeare says in "Romeo and Juliet," marriage means being "newly baptized," into a fresh life. To put it colloquially, marriage is a big deal.
Like all major life passages, honeymooning is a ritual with a purpose. The week (or so) of intimacy and isolation reinforces the message, "It's you and me now, kid." It's a fun trip -- and a journey of the mind and spirit as well as the body, the cementing of a lifelong partnership. Friends and family need to retire to the role of post card recipient, and leave the heavy bonding to the people who made the commitment
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'"just as "living with" cannot compare to marriage. "Living with" is a dress rehearsal, a lead-in to a lifelong committed relationship."'
How is living with a partner that insignificant compared to being married other than it being legally binding on paper? My future spouse and I still expect the same things from each other while we are living together and not married. We both expect each other to be respectful, faithful, honest, and committed toward the relationship. I don't understand how this is not comparable to what you would expect in a marriage. Not to mention that same-sex couples who are denied marital status in other states would disagree with that statement.
Only because humans are stupid, and ruled by social fear and shame rather than their own hearts.
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My parents and brother and his girlfriend, (now wife), came to France for our wedding and we went on a road-trip through the Southwest of France right after. We had a blast. Wife and I are still married after 10 years.
It's almost as if, the more serious a couple take the formalities of marriage, the more likely it is to fail. Keep it simple, is what I recommend...
My husband and I spent 2 weeks traveling through Greece for our honeymoon and we really enjoyed having our meals with other travelers. Obviously different than a buddymoon, but I can see the appeal.
The concept of "honeymoon" is antiquated except as a wedding recovery process.
Unlike times past, most couples are not consummating their marriage for the first time, nor are they free from parental restraints and watchful eyes for the first time.
Plus, the pressure of all that money spent at the beginning of a marriage can add rocks to your backpack before you've even started the trek together.