Anybody For Mud Wrestling?

As the Democratic nomination for President crawls to a conclusion, it seems that this political cycle has lasted eighteen years. Polling indicates nobody wants it to end other than the Obama family. As a reader of this story, you are either a political junkie, or in desperate need of a constructive hobby. As you are aware neither Clinton or Obama can secure the nomination without the superdelegates. This group is filled with Democratic members of Congress, the Democratic National Committee, and "formers;" such as Presidents, Vice Presidents, rock n' roll roadies, and former talk show hosts.

With each passing day I feel more wanted. This has no connection to my Jewish mother, but rather my status as one of the remaining uncommitteds. All of the enthusiastic supporters of the respective camps are writing urging my support. Interestingly, my demographic is very high among females in Northern California. By pure luck all of these folks, independent of each other are working me to support Hillary. What is even more amazing is that the content of the missives are remarkably similar. The "Supers" seem to have become characters in the ultimate reality game show entitled the Democratic Nomination. TNT may "Know Drama," but cannot compare to the twists and turns of my Democratic Party.

The question I am asked every day by relatives, political types, strangers, and annoying friends is always the same. What criteria will you utilize in formulating your opinion? There is no easy answer. If there was, the nomination would be concluded and we could focus on Senator McCain. Similar to Nixon, McCain's slogan could be "Eight More Years!" But, we are Democrats, so let us continue until EVERY voter either is thoroughly bored, or catatonically angry.

CRITERIA

Criteria is an elusive concept. It changes with each passing day, most recent primary, the latest poll, or the number of people who tell me their "secret" plan for winning the November election. The pundits say we should only consider who leads in delegates and popular vote. Perhaps who can win swingable regions, or states with the letter "r" in their name. Lately some have suggested that our standard bearer should be the best bowler, or the smoothest basketball player. A factor worth considering is the candidate best equipped to out talk, and out interrupt Chris Mathews. That is a skill any Attention Defecit Disorder voter can connect with.

Additionally, the candidates have correctly taken the likeability factor to new highs. Each has made the required thirty-seven appearances on late night comedy shows. Obviously there are so many laughs one can get while yakking with Wolf Blitzer. Now new political trails have been blazed with daytime talk television and reality shows. It was enough to watch President Bush on "Deal or No Deal." It was obvious he did not comprehend that concept either. Our candidates are brilliant, because their appearances are the ultimate product placement.

Demographic groups are another consideration every "Super"must evaluate. Because this is the closest nomination in history (thanks Democrats), folks who were never examined now fall under the political microscope. We must research subgroups such as women over eighty-six who watch Wheel of Fortune, and men between twenty to seventy who still watch Saturday morning cartoons and Westerns. Finally, hats off to CNN, who actually found a group I never considered, Menonite youth!

We have a historic opportunity to elect a President who will be either a woman, an African American male, or a really really old guy who can't remember if he supports the Bush policies depending on the time, group, or place. Interestingly, a recent poll indicates that a sizeable segment of the senior population thought McCain to be too old to serve as President. It reminds me of a Jackie Mason routine, where he explains that he does not socialize with certain people because they are "too Jewish."

MAYBE THE END

In my presentations to various political groups, (in my role as County Democratic Chairman) I try very hard to keep everyone calm advising a "political chill pill." Every time I speak, people yell at me, not including my time at home.

My answer to this outcry is always the same. Senator's Obama and Clinton are the two best vetted candidates in our history. Kerry lost because he won the two early primaries (Iowa and New Hampshire), and cruised into the nomination. The two current contenders have both raised historic amounts of money from an expanded donor base. Additionally, they have performed in more debates, dealt with the unanticipated, and have eaten more ribs, hot dogs, and drank more domestic beer than any of their predecessors. They have been tested by the most politically formidable force in politics -- each other. Anyone who can survive that counterpart is worthy of being my nominee.

Both candidates are like us; neither is perfect. I do understand I must make a decision.
Senator Obama's lead seems insurmountable, even if one uses the "new math." But, for the moment I am awaiting approval of my application into the Witness Protection Program. I am told I can expect it probably after Christmas.

P.S. I really really just want to win. This is why my decision is so difficult.

Mitch Ceasar is the Democratic Chairman of Broward County, Florida, and is presently an uncommitted Superdelegate.

Comments

[Liss]

Stop with the bullshit about demographic groups and pick the candidate who has some integrity and decency. The one who moves people for reasons other than identity politics. The undecided supers have to either be scared shitless of the Clintons, totally cynical or completely blind. We'll have a great female president one day - but this dishonest pandering narcissist isn't she. It's astonishing to me that this isn't obvious to everyone.