David Albo, Republican lawmaker in Virginia, told the House of Delegates this week that his support for the state's transvaginal ultrasound bill cost him a night of sex with his wife. Albo described watching the TV news coverage of the bill with his wife. "Trans V-blahblahblah, and this. Trans-V this, and Trans-V that," he complained to the delegates, who laughed uproariously.
Despite Albo's support for the transvaginal ultrasound, he was unable to say the word "vagina" out loud. Here are some other current bills being discussed in Virginia with words that David Albo has trouble with.
1. HB 42 Line of Duty Act
David Albo calls this the "Line of Doody Act," and while no other delegates can hear the difference, he's always quite satisfied with himself.
2. HB 65 Human papillomavirus vaccine; eliminates requirement of vaccination for female children.
Despite the convenient acronym "HPV," David Albo refers to this bill as the Down There Shot for Sluts.
3. HB 33 Mammograms; information on breast density
David Albo calls mammograms "Squeeze machines" and breasts "tig old bitties." Every time this potentially life saving bill is discussed, he jokingly offers to perform the exams himself, then nudges whoever is standing closest to him and winks.
4. HB 186 Sewage Sludge; authorizes a locality to prohibit land application of
David Albo simply cannot get through this bill's name without laughing. He has no trouble with the words, and has in fact taken to calling Virginia Democrats "Sewage Sludge" when their backs are turned, then windmill hi-fiving the nearest Republican.
5. HB 199 Town of Onancock; liens for water charges.
David Albo calls Onancock "Onanboner."
6. HB 331 Obscenity; modifies educational, artistic, and theatrical exemption to obscenity laws
David Albo discusses this bill by holding up a giant cut-out speech bubble with the symbols "@#%*!" printed on it in Comic Sans font.
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