One Enlists, One Graduates

He hugged me when I walked in the back door and found him unexpectedly standing in my kitchen. Unlike so many of my 18-year-old son's friends, who've crossed that invisible line into manhood where it's not considered cool.

Because he and my son had drifted apart, I had not seen him in awhile. I knew he had barely finished high school because, like so many young people these days, there wasn't much there for him. He wasn't college-bound, wasn't into theater or band or sports. He had never quite fit in.

So I asked him what he'd been up to, this tall boy with the sweet smile.

"I joined the Army," he said quietly. "So I'm trying to go around and say good-bye to everybody."

When he told me this I tried not to gasp.

Not quite two weeks ago my son walked across a stage and accepted his high-school diploma. A few days before that his friend boarded a plane for Fort Benning, Georgia, to begin basic training.

Two young men. Two paths. It could have been so different.

At five years and counting, we still don't know much about the tragic price of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. How many soldiers will die or to put a face on it, how many like the 20-year-old female Marine who brought a stuffed animal with her to Iraq and was killed last week, will never live to see 21. We also don't know how many will come home severely depressed or suffering Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Or how many will be plagued by traumatic brain injuries, though the recent Rand study gave us a pretty good idea with its staggering estimate of some 320,000 veterans battling the condition.

As if that weren't enough there's a related horror for this generation of soldiers to fear. According to new U.S. Army estimates, soldiers in Iraq are trying to kill themselves at a rate of five a day. The trend is so alarming that at a recent gathering of the American Psychiatric Association, the head of the National Institute of Mental Health warned: "It's quite possible that the suicides and psychiatric mortality of this war could trump the combat deaths."

Yet one thing we do know is this: we have turned the armed forces into the largest vocational training school for young people in the country. What other educational enterprise regularly fields slick, direct-mail pitches to potential recruits with promises of cars, cash, and college tuition? Not long ago I went to the mailbox and, lo and behold, there was one from the Marines for my son. Like the other pitches he's received, I tossed this one out.

But some young people aren't so lucky. They don't have a parent looking out for them or they don't have great options. The military counts on this. With both wars in Iraq and Afghanistan continuing indefinitely, the Army intends to add 65,000 troops by 2010. That's a lot of bodies to dredge up. Is it any wonder that the military was recently caught granting waivers to felons? Or that the majority of new recruits come from families earning less than $60,000 a year?

This is why my son's friend signed on to become a combat medic. Not because he had a passion for war or wanted to fight terrorism or because his father had been an Army Ranger and so the service was in his blood.

His parents were divorced and he lived in a modest apartment with his father. His father ran a small car-detailing business and barely got by.

No, he enlisted in the Army because he was lost. He enlisted because in an economy with few good-paying jobs and little opportunity it was the best future he could envision for himself.

"I applied to be a fire paramedic but they're not taking anyone under 22," he said that afternoon in my kitchen.

After completing his medic training, he said the Army would be shipping him to Alaska or Germany. "Or I might be deployed to Iraq," he said after a pause. "I hope not. I'm really scared of IEDs."

That afternoon his twin sister had come with him. "I am really going to miss him," she kept saying. Her brother kept mentioning the pending date too, as if he couldn't quite fathom it.

This is part of the problem too, and why most Americans have been so thoroughly removed from the realities of the war. Most of us don't have sons or daughters in Iraq or Afghanistan. Most of us haven't had to watch our children wrestle with an impossible decision: a dead-end job at home or a potential career path through the armed forces. Or worse.

When my son walked across the stage to accept his diploma, I reminded myself of this. Then I thought of a tall sweet boy going through another ritual a few thousand miles away. And how it could have been different for him.

Follow Mona Gable on Twitter: www.twitter.com/monalg

Comments

[Schallvain]

To show such contempt toward the Military just because of you political opinions/feelings shows a complete lack of understanding of the world in which we live and the people we live with. (and I am not refering to the Iraq/Afgan wars). But more importantly, it also shows that you probably don't understand your own son either. Maybe you should start there and try to get to know him. Then maybe you will have some influence, or at least some understanding, in his life. You sound like a divorced parent his more angered with your ex-spouse and you are transfer this anger onto your son.

[mbh78213]

She is writing about her son's friend, not her son, who's joined the Army. Read the article.

[Peddler]

Life deals us cards, and we live them the best we can. And in most instances, life isn't always fair, but you put your best foot forward and make the best of it. You see Mona, I have a similar story. Almost 45 years ago, I graduated and cross the same path as your friend' son did. I was a product of a broken home. My mother did the best she could as a single parent, but surviving on welfare (~$80/month), well my college dreams came abruptly to an end. The rest of my class went on to college, I enlisted in the Air Force and became a medical corpsman, and during my last year of service, I was sent to Vietnam as a combat medic. I was married and my first son was just born.

War is an evil business; it is the summation of all evils. I can't tell you the horror that I saw and the servicemen that die. I felt so guilty because I couldn't do enough to save them and I still live with that horror today. But like your friend's son, really didn't have much of a choice. Serving in the military allowed me to attend college (received a BS and MS) and to continue with my life; in fact I retired from the military after 20 years. I have have three sons; one is a lawyer; one is a speical education teacher; the other is a financial investor. It shall resolve.

[BuckarooBanzai]

My son walked accross the stage of a major university in 2003 to receive his diploma a day after he received his first salute as Naval Officer. 3 months earlier his younger brother and I were one of 500,000 people marching in New York to stop the war. I don't consider any of these actions to be contradictory or unpatriotic.

Your post on the other hand suggests that military service is a last refuge for the economically and intellectually marginalized; in other words the provenance of a new lower class. Its not just that your slighting that boy's decision to serve his country (for whatever reasons), but you are exempting your son and yourself from the same service by claiming a higher level of education and motivation.

This is monstrous! Get off your high horse, recognize the inate bigotry in your point of view. Recognize that you have abdicated your responsiblity to that boy and to America by hiding behind a diploma and your sense of superiority.

In an earlier time, service to the country was the requirement for the elite. If you still want to cling to your elitist pretensions, at the very least you should respect those willing to serve our country .

[usna73]

Thanks Buckaroo. You nailed it. It always seems that June reminds me of taking the train to Annapolis.

Idealism not skepticism. Only then can we restore the nation to greatness.

Non sibi.

Yes, I support Obama and detest what Bush regime has done to us all.

[allwrite]

Unless you can state with authority that economic prospects are not a factor motivating some individuals to enlist, I think you should get off your high horse.

What say you to other bases motivating some to join up: proving one's manhood; testing one's courage?

[bgregs]

Of course it's an issue for some. Just like for others they enlist because a judge told them to, and others because they feel "patriotic". To imply, as the author strongly does, that the only reason for joining is a lack of economic opportunity, however, is a flat out lie!

[ewj1]

In this country everything is done by "some individuals" for economic prospects. That includes joining VISTA or Peace Corp, doing work for Habitat, run for political office and most definitely gong to college.

I guess we are no better than the republicans. We are just as closed mined.

[wmbear]

I ACTUALLY TALKED MY SON OUT OF JOINING THE ARMY...

He came by my house one night in a fit of patriotic tears announcing his intention to join the army because a friend of his was going to and had basically talked him into joining to, evidently. (Misery loves company.) Of course, it would have been a mistake to simply forbid him to do so, so I went through the whole parental "of course, it's your decision" bit. All I did was to describe military life, based on MY father's experience in both World Wars and also recommended that my son view what is arguably the best "war movie" ever made, "Full Metal Jacket." We talked over the whole issue and possibilities for a couple of hourse as I recall, and I actually expected him to go through with it. I was relieved when he finally didn't join and have never regretted talking him out of it (to the extent that I was responsible). This was several years before the Iraq invasion but he might have ended up there, who knows?

[csavage]

You column is offensive to me, as a DOCTOR who served in the USAF. Our military goes where it is directed to go by it's commander-in-chief, and we, as a people, elected him. Thank God that there are kids still willing to step up and serve, and, believe it or not, there are people who sign up because serving their country is their motivation.
I do not agree with this war either, but, for reasons 99% of you will never understand, I didn't resign my commission in 2002 and I fully expected to go up until my retirement in 2006 and even up until this year. And I would have gone if I had been deployed.
So, yes, your son's friend signed up to the military because he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. And, yes, there are countries that obligate their young people to serve 2 years. One, Israel, has been at war for 60 years, BTW. And, yes, you are concerned that something might happen to him. And, yes, the Repubs have gutted the VA. But until the Dems can field viable opposition candidates and field a Congress with some guts, things are not going to change. So, instead of castigating those people who VOLUNTARILY joined the military, lets stop with collective hand-wringing and do something.

[jennbeez]

"So, instead of castigating those people who VOLUNTARILY joined the military,.­.." The writer was castigating the advertising branch of the ARMY, not the service members. I castigate them too. I castigate their crap right in the trash when it comes to my house.

Most of the men in my family have done military service. I have nothing against the military, but I have everything against my kids being used to invade a country that has not threatened the US and I have everything against my kids being used to line the oil companies pockets. Screw them. Let the Bush bunch send their own kids first.

[SmokinJobaman]

No good paying jobs? No opportunity? Exaggerate much? Give me a break!

[yappnmutt]

this article is disgusting. joining the military is an honorable decision. saying otherwise is unpatriotic. these young people are making a decision that is the definition of courage, the decision to serve their country with a real possibility of combat death and injury. who among us has the fortitude for that kind of responsibility. your job as a civilian is to pray for the safe passage of these individuals and keep those who have given their lives and health in the name of the USA in an immortal place in your heart. remember their blood is on your hands as an american because YOU authorized your gov't to send them into harms way. if you are so concerned about the fate of these kids do something about it instead of whining about their "forced" decision.

[bluesnot]

"your job as a civilian is to pray for the safe passage of these individuals and keep those who have given their lives and health in the name of the USA in an immortal place in your heart. remember their blood is on your hands as an american because YOU authorized your gov't to send them into harms way"

Friend, don't tell me what my job as a civilian is. I didn't vote for Bush and his lies that got us into this war. My job as a civilian is to make sure someone who is competent and who gives a rat's ass about the troops gets elected president.

[bgregs]

And that's a fabulous point to make, however, please don't castigate those who choose to become a military member, simply because you don't agree with what the President says. I also disagree with him, I also didn't vote for him either time, but if he'd told me to go to war, when I was in the Navy, I'd have asked when!

[jack1105]

This breaks my heart. I am the mother of a 19 year old son and I know kids just like the one in this story. I don't want to lose them. This administration has a lot to answer for, I hope someday they are held accountable.

[randyjet]

I see that the writer of this has NOT read Obama's web site. He calls for increasing the military by about 100,000 troops. I suggest if you support Obama, you urge your son to enlist. Put your own kin where your vote is. Or maybe when Obama needs to use force somewhere in the future, you will tell all prospective recruits to NOT enlist to support him. Obama has stated too that he will have an increased military presence in Afganistan. Think only illegal aliens should enlist?

[paganmist]

Look at the voting patterns, then decide for yourself. Republicans:

Vote against abortion. Take money from low-income family planning centers. Vote against making insurance companies cover birth control. Ban "Plan B". Vote against sex ed.

Result? Babies. And lots of them.

Then vote against NEA (funding for arts/music­.) Make policies that actually decrease the number of competent teachers. Vote against increasing loan forgiveness for teachers in math/science. Vote against increasing Pell Grant. Vote against reform that'd save the country 5 billion, while devoting 5 billion to education.

Result? Babies that grow up poorly-educated, under-skilled, and apathetic.

That's when you vote against raising minimum wage, despite constant inflation. Now they can't make enough money to feed themselves.

The only thing left to do is pour funding into military recruiting.

Then invest/form a contracting company.

Close your eyes, point to a country on the map, see if there's money in it, then tell America it's dangerous. Send your new generation of soldiers over to make a mess that your company is paid to fix.

Result: profit.

[cct84]

Jeez...is this the latest left-wing talking points or did you come up with these vacuous comments all by yourself?

Some food for thought...

-If recent Republican "actions" have been the cause of "...lots of babies" (I assume these are unwanted pregnancies) then why is it that out-of-wedlock births and teen birth rates were significantly lower prior to the 60s, when birth control and abortion were not even available?
-The U.S. spends more on education than any other nation on earth, yet we rank below average in educational test scores. Countries such as Australia, Finland, Ireland, Korea and the United Kingdom spend less than us (significantly so in some cases) but still manage to out perform us on standardized tests. The point here is that lack of funding is not the problem with the US educational system--personal responsibility and accountability are.
-Minimum wage is not the reason why there are some who cannot feed themselves; given all the available entitlements and government give-aways, there is no reason why anyone should starve in this country. BTW, if you want to make more than minimum wage you need to make yourself worth more than minimum wage to your employer..­.this usually means getting an education or learning a trade. It is the left-wing mindset, steeped in socialistic ideas, that lead sheep like you to believe an employer should pay you based on some artificial scale set by bureaucrats. You get paid what you're worth

[bgregs]

Mona,

As I read this story, I first thought, "Oh how touching." Then I read some more, and I began to get increasingly angry. I spent six years in the US Navy because I was that boy in your kitchen. I "graduated" high school with a 1.97 GPA. The only place that I could go was the Navy. I got lucky, I didn't have to serve in a war zone, and the first 3 years of my service were in peacetime.

I agree with you in that I don't support this war. I agree with you in that I would oppose any of my children joining the military while we are in this war. I agree with you about how I see the military recruiting now (I'm receiving information for my soon to be freshman daughter). However, the military is not evil, the military is performing a difficult job with a leadership which has abused their trust. The military is not the organization that creates the policies of the United States. That belongs to the President, and ultimately, to the American People.

[vippy]

Military service is the choice for most people who want out of their environment, not going anywhere. It offers college and therefore, most joined, for their future. No one counted on this
forever war, no one thought they would not see the next day. Michael Moore hit the problem on the head. I don't care what you did, it is a fact. You can be proud for what you accomplished but
the problem still exists and as time moves on, more so! And we have not fought a honorable war
since WW2. And please do not tell me, that one of you died for me or my freedom. Nothing could
be further from the truth. They are dying to enrich a few!

[bgregs]

You are right, but the military (at least at the levels below O-6) are NOT the problem, nor the cause. Those who are Colonel (Captain in the Navy) and higher, plus the civilian leadership are the ones that we need to lash out at!

[cct84]

As someone with 24 years of military service I can certainly attest that the military isn’t for everyone; however, speaking for myself, it has been one of the best decisions I ever made—and I had plenty of other choices. What annoys me about articles like this are the blatant distortions and willful ignorance of the facts: this notion that only the poorest of the poor, the dumbest of the dumb, or people with nowhere else to go join the military. As someone who has trained and/or supervised many young enlistees, I can testify that people join the military for lots of different reasons...­sense of belonging, to see the world, job training, educational benefits, I need a job, and yes, sometimes just plain ol' patriotism­...each circumstance is unique to the individual and any one reason is just as legitimate as the other. I can also attest to the fact that people who join the military come from all walks of life, but most come from middle-income backgrounds--not the poor as the writer believes. In fact, the poor are underrepresented in the military. Here's another distortion of truth: the author highlights the recent increase in suicides in the military but fails to tell you that even with that increase, the suicide rate of military personnel is less than the suicide rate for civilians in the same age group. Statistically, her son is more likely to commit suicide than the kid joining the military.

[SouthpawSass]

The job of the military is to take lost boys and girls, put them through basic training, turn them into blank canvas's, and mold them into fighting machines, or more bluntly, killing machines. The military doesn't coddle.

It's not the job of the military to make policy, but to follow orders from those in charge. If those in charge do it right, we can avoid war. If those in charge don't, we end up in Iraq. Yet, if the American people did their job as responsible, well informed citizens who actually voted in their own best interests, I doubt very much if Iraq would have been invaded at all.

So, while you can blame the miliary for doing its job, you should equally blame our leaders and ourselves for not doing ours.

[bgregs]

Thank you!

[rejoyce5]

No one forces a boy to join the military. Maybe your son felt lost because their was no direction at home. We have been in the Army for 20 years and have seen fine young men who know what they want and the Army provides it for them whether it is a sense of belonging to future career opportunities. Its not perfect but it has been an exciting and hard life. Young soldiers come from all walks of life rich and poor. Its a misstatement to think otherwise. Talk to other Army families and find out how they feel. Scared for their sons, but proud.

[UPer]

If the military is so great as you claim as a positive mold for young people, don't you agree a draft should be instituted? That way, every young person, including those from privileged familites could reap the benefits of military life. Petition your congressmen now for this excellent life experience.

[SouthpawSass]

It's what brought the youth into the mix with Vietnam... That and the fact that more families owned their own televisions to see for themselves. Less for the government propaganda machine to control. Which was the lesson for this Iraq war.

Our leaders knew that by seeing our dead soldiers coming home in flag draped coffins would be a bad image, so they banned it. And we let them...

[cct84]

What a dumb thing to say. Firemen and police officers provide a positive mold for young people also, should we mandate service in those occupations too? The left's dogmatic calls for the draft have nothing to do with public service and everything to do with pushing their "peace at all costs" agenda.

[Viper]

While I gennerally agree with your article... It does not mean much to say the majoirty of the recruits are from familes making under $60K... Duh, the average family income in the U.S. is under $46K. Most families in the U.S. make under $60K.

Also note that college does not mean that much now either since in the 80s and 90s, it was the factory workers competing with the 3rd world wages and now its also the college graduates.

Only 1 in 4 college graduates in science and engineering finds a job in those fields. The DEAN of Georgia Tech (MIT of the South) said several years ago given how hard it was for them to place graduates due to outsourcing, he was not sure there was a need for engineering schools in America. Do you hire here for 70K or in China for 3K?

Of course McCain would say we need to retrain workers who are displaced by globalizat­ion... But for what jobs... we have been hiring our college graduates from Chilies when we need one.

So good luck for your son... but when he graduates.­.. it may be he ends up in the same place... unless we wise up and start designing and making stuff here again and pass the type of legislation that makes that possible..­.. becuase blind free trade is a race to the bottom!


Regards



Regards

[vippy]

I so agree. I don't care what label put on it these days like proud military service, etc. it does not
fly. It only justifies what one chose to do but the fact remains, there was nothing else at hand.
Who would take on a job where there is a 50/50 chance of getting killed if there are other choices?

[SouthpawSass]

If they joined at a time of peace, before 9/11, perhaps they had in mind education, travel, experience, or thought structure would bring them order in their lives.

If they joined immediately after 9/11, perhaps they joined as a sense of loyalty to one's nation, defense of one's homeland.

If they joined after finding out that there were no WMD's, perhaps it was as a last resort, not knowing or having other choices. Or, perhaps for any of the the above reasons.

Regardless of why people joined the military, they expect the leaders of this country, as well as the American people, to make good decisions knowing that it's their lives in jeapardy. They follow what they are ordered to do. That is the military and lucky for us we have a great fighting force, all branches of it.

Now, if our leaders served as well and as honorably.­..