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Monica Bielanko
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Monica Bielanko was born and raised on the wild frontier of late 1970's Utah. She is a recovering Mormon who stopped believing in her early 20s, was super-pissed about it throughout her mid-20s, came to grips with it in her latter-20s and officially resigned when the church helped raise funds in support of Proposition 8 in 2008. She once went to see an unknown band from Philly and several weeks later she married the guitar player. They are still hitched eight years and a billion fights later. She loves nachos and beer and Howard Stern and music and books and her two black labs. Her heart belongs to her kids, Violet, 3, and Henry, 1. Oh yeah, she also likes wine. Monica writes at and you can find her at

Entries by Monica Bielanko

King Henry Is Not Amused

(0) Comments | Posted October 21, 2013 | 8:31 AM

Me? I've just been busy backstroking through waves of mucus and phlegm and Goldfish-speckled throw-up.

Surf's up, dude. Hold on, I just found a soggy French fry in my cleavage. Nevermind. I'll get it later.

Initially, I dove into the snotty ocean of kid sickness like an Olympian. The damn...

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Love of My Life

(6) Comments | Posted July 28, 2013 | 10:23 AM

Imagine that someone is able to predict to you the exact day you will meet one of the great loves of your life. Intense, right? Somebody is able to specify the exact month, week or even the precise day on which you will behold the face of your true love....

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Thrill Hill

(14) Comments | Posted May 20, 2013 | 10:26 AM

It was one of the few times I saw how Mom must've looked before the four of us slipped from her body, robbing her youth like thieves in the night. How she must have looked to those who knew her before she knew us.




Moms have a...

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Surrender Dorothy

(73) Comments | Posted April 14, 2013 | 9:48 AM

We've had a kind of rolling sickness affecting our household for the past two months, and while I thoroughly enjoy motherhood, my enjoyment most definitely does not stretch into the perverse realms of tending to sick kids. Sick kids who have suddenly reached that horrific phase of childhood that involves...

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Love Disposal

(53) Comments | Posted February 18, 2013 | 10:29 AM

I can hear the low rumble of the approaching garbage truck as I type this. I have been dreading this moment all week, ever since Serge took the initiative of placing Henry's high chair and changing table at the side of our house, where the garbage cans await their weekly...

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Little Blue Charger

(26) Comments | Posted August 9, 2012 | 3:33 PM

Sometimes I write from a coffee shop that's nestled in the center of the town I drive my 3-year-old to every day so she can trade boogers, spit and God knows what else with the pre-schooler set at the local YMCA. I drop Violet off and try to make a...

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