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Monica Medina

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The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Posted: 12/27/11 08:25 PM ET

In honor of the New Year, I'm here to offer some hope. After all, like many of you, I've been through the ringer of divorce. I've paid my dues and am now an alumnus of "Divorce University." That means I'm in a position to bring you some good news.

Wherever you are with your divorce, whatever stage you're in, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That light might be on the blink right now, but rest assured that one day, it will be there, with a strong, bright beam. In the meantime, take a breath, do your best to keep a positive attitude and keep saying to yourself, "This, too, shall pass."

If you ask me, divorce might very well be the worst experience of your life, second only to the passing of a loved one. (I should know; I lost both of my parents during my divorce.) Think of it as a revolution inside your head, one that you feel all the way to the pit of your stomach. You're in the eye of the storm, grappling with what went wrong and meeting with lawyers and mediators. You may even be doing all this while feeling numb and shocked by the demise of your marriage. Perhaps, you're feeling as though you have been hit by a truck. Repeatedly.

Well, these emotions don't last forever, though it may be hard to see that while you're smack in the middle of it and all that it entails -- the "he said, she said" banter, the dividing of the assets, custody battles, etc. Having hope that you can make it through the tunnel or, even, that there is a tunnel, can be hard to imagine. But, having graduated from D.U., I speak from experience. It will get better, with a lot of perseverance, and a little help from the old adage, time heals everything.

Believe it or not, divorce can be an opportunity. It has the potential to uplift you. For, when the day comes that you reach the other side of the tunnel, you'll likely find, not only did you recover and come out of it okay, you are no longer the same person you were before the divorce, and the change you're seeing is, no doubt, for the better. Which is what happened to me.

When I was first going through my divorce, I'd wake up everyday, saying to myself:

"Welcome to my nightmare!"

I can't pinpoint when I stopped, but I know it took years. One morning, I just woke up and realized I wasn't saying it anymore. I discovered I had power. For the first time in ages, my self-esteem was high, and I was feeling good about myself. I had achieved this through the will to survive, which is inherent in all of us, and by taking baby steps. Sounds corny, I know. But it's true.

You see, even though my ex initiated the discussion of divorce, and moved out, he wasn't ready to take any further action than that. He said he needed time to think about our future, and whether we could possibly have one together. So, I waited. And then, I waited some more. I spent months in limbo. Almost a year. I was hoping we could work it out.

But, one day I finally realized that it just wasn't going to happen. So I made up my mind to stop waiting, since the uncertainty of my situation was doing a major number on me. I needed to take my future into my own hands, and not leave it up to him.

It was time for me to think about what I wanted. Which is when I went to see a lawyer and filed the papers. I made a slew of other decisions, too. Like taking my maiden name back, and establishing my own accounts and credit. And, with each decision I made, I felt empowered.

I was changing and no longer kowtowing to my ex, or to his parents. He noticed the difference and I could tell that it made him uncomfortable. But I didn't care. I was finding my inner strength!

Each choice that I made represented a baby step, and before I knew it, I was hitting my stride! I felt like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. I finally figured out how to get back home -- to me.

So, patience. It takes time. Getting there isn't easy and each of us has to get there in our own way. Maybe this will be the year for you. And when you do reach the end of that tunnel, you'll know it's worth it. And so are you.

 

Follow Monica Medina on Twitter: www.twitter.com/monicastangled

 
 
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OneMomsBatlle
Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom's Battle
03:45 PM on 01/13/2012
I have been through battle-- to hell and back.

There IS light at the end of the tunnel-- no matter how dark it seems at the time.

I am stronger, more confident and more open to real love than I have ever been in my life. Good can come from bad.

Tina www.onemomsbattle.com
12:27 AM on 01/09/2012
I so can relate to what you went through because I am going through exactly the same thing now. My husband has moved out, says we are done, yet will not discuss divorce. We went to family therapy a few months ago where we were asked if there is any hope at all for our marriage, I said no, none, he said I don't know! As far as he and I, there is no limbo, but yet in a way I am. I have done my best to move on after many months of being an emotional mess. I am back in school, I started seeing someone, who has been very understanding and supportive. And I know I am going to have to be the one to initiate a divorce and honestly I don't look forward to it. There are days I am so ready to, but I still have moments when I just can't. I think it really sucks that it is because of him that it even came to this, yet he won't completely finish it. It's so cowardly really. But I know It's inevitable that I am going to have to tackle it if I ever want to completely move on.
01:28 AM on 01/06/2012
Lost both parents during the divorce... OP, you deserve a medal!
04:01 PM on 01/03/2012
I've lost a parent and been divorced. For me, the divorce was much harder, and it's never really over when you have children together. I would guess it's easier for the one who wants the divorce if it's something she's been thinking about for years. I didn't see mine coming at all. There was another man. It absolutely destroyed me. And we used to actually get along, never really fought, but things blew up in the end and now things are so much more difficult and we have to deal with each other nearly everyday. The light at the end of the tunnel for me is when our kids are finally grown and I have to deal with her less. I hate that. I don't want to look foward to my girls growing up and leaving.
11:42 AM on 01/03/2012
The problem this author and many other women have is that they think they have to give up themselves to be married. She admitted giving over her power and waiting a year for things to get better. Did they try counseling or other ways to work on it?

Being clear about who you are and what you will and will not move on is critical for a successful relationship of any kind. If you abdicate yourself, your relationship will eventually fail. Yes, you can survive divorce. The better goal is to keep it from happening in the first place, especially if there are children. Learn how to stand your ground calmly and respectfully. It is possible to be married and happy. You just need to learn the rules--there are some.
04:04 PM on 01/03/2012
But what if you love the guy but you just aren't "in love" anymore after 15 or 20 years? You owe yourself happiness, right? It's okay then to get a boyfriend and dump the guy then, right?
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Monica Medina
writer, blogger, storyteller
11:57 PM on 01/03/2012
Lesli, thank you for your input. You ask whether we tried counseling. Answer: Yes. We went to two sessions but the therapist said, for this to work, my spouse would have to stop seeing the other woman. He refused to stop seeing her. So what was I supposed to do? Keep going to therapy with someone who already had one foot out the door? I did continue therapy, but on my own, with another therapist. So yes, I tried and yes, I took back my power.
03:27 PM on 12/28/2011
I loved this article...simple but to the point.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Monica Medina
writer, blogger, storyteller
11:59 PM on 01/03/2012
Thank you. I'm so glad you understand the point I'm trying to make here.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
boydlemon
11:07 AM on 12/28/2011
I agree with you completely, Monica. Divorce is a loss, but it is also an opportunity to start a new life, the one you really want, without interference from a partner. Then, once you find out who you are and what you want, you have a chance to enter into a more satisfying relationship, if you want to.

Boyd Lemon-Author of "Digging Deep: A Writer Uncovers His Marriages," a memoir of the author's journey to understand his role in the destruction of his three marriages, helpful for anyone to deal with issues in their own relationships. Information, excerpts and reviews: http://www.BoydLemon-Writer.com.
10:50 AM on 12/28/2011
Thank you.
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10:12 AM on 12/28/2011
" and the change you're seeing is, no doubt, for the better. Which is what happened to me."

Well, that is if you do the work necessary, it will be for the better. Doesn't always work that way though. Those that have the most difficult time getting through it, who take the longest to get through that tunnel are likely the ones who have done the work, and will be "for the better".
RealistBC
Micro-bios must pass muster.
11:28 PM on 12/27/2011
Divorce: the lesson for other to learn from about a mistake not to make themselves.
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GrantS
I'm liberal through and through.
10:55 PM on 12/27/2011
Women initiate divorce twice as often as men. I hope the many male dumpees also see the light at the end of the tunnel afterwards.

I'm glad you overcame any negativity associated with your divorce.
09:10 AM on 12/28/2011
"You see, even though my ex initiated the discussion of divorce, and moved out, he wasn't ready to take any further action than that. He said he needed time to think about our future, and whether we could possibly have one together. So, I waited. And then, I waited some more. I spent months in limbo. Almost a year. I was hoping we could work it out."

the author may have filed the final papers but her husband wasn't exactly the victim in this situation - he initiated the divorce and moved out. raw data about who files rarely tells the whole story.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Zalkreb
11:25 AM on 12/28/2011
When researchers survey divorced couples about who initiated divorce -- not just who filed the paperwork -- the figures are even more lopsided than when you look at who filed the paperwork. That is, women initiate divorce more than twice as often as men. If women initiated divorce as often as men and nothing else changed, the divorce rate would drop by nearly half. Divorce is, to a rough approximation, a female phenomenon.

When survey-takers asked about reasons for seeking divorce, the most commonly cited were related to emotional fulfillment -- feeling unloved, feeling unappreciated, lacking communication, etc. Serious breaches of the marital compact such as abuse and infidelity figured in a minority.

You can check this out by visiting Google Scholar, typing "reasons for divorce" in the search box and spending five minutes reading a few of the many one-paragraph abstracts of articles from juried research journals. They consistently find that divorce is driven primarily by women, primarily in search of emotional fulfillment, to the significant and lasting detriment of children and former spouses. Apparently, women place a high value on their personal happiness, and are often willing to sacrifice the health and happiness of their partners and offspring in that pursuit. It's surprising, but that seems to be the way it is.
09:40 PM on 12/27/2011
I must say, I read these columns based on the headlines, but everytime I wind up feeling alienated - I am a man who's partner of 10 yrs, wife of 5 left him on his birthday, two days before Christmas, because she needed to "find herself." My life is over, but instead of a lost woman I'm a shocked lonely man who does not want to date, tour strip clubs, or get over himself. Sorry for venting, but where's the reality that some of us weren't mean, ugly, fat, drunk, violent guys, we just got dumped by bored women who think, unlike the rest of us, they will never get old and die? For every guy jerk I ASSURE you all there is a woman; statisticly, control of the world aside, you guys should outnumber us in every category. Did in my house, anyway. ;)
12:04 PM on 12/28/2011
Bob - I think trying to change the public's perception of the usual impression that every divorce is because 1) the man is a jerk 2) the man didn't help out enough around the house 3) the man didn't help with the children 4) the man had an affair(s) - is a waste of time. My own relatives will often trot out the old lines that men have all the affairs, men have mid life crisis's, men remarry very quickly because they are needy - all of it has perhaps, only a bit of truth, or in many cases, no truth at all. So, rather than worry about those perceptions (I too wonder about these articles, but still enjoy them) I continue on my personal journey of recovery and new life. My ex remarried the co-worker she had the affair with pretty quickly. So have most of my friends wives who left after they had an affair. So, these headlines DO NOT at all comport to my life experience.