Mr Pickwick
Sam Pickwick is a round-faced, portly gentleman wearing spectacles prone to making periodic utterances on business and family life in London. He squeezes into the roles in life which make him broadly acceptable, however in some cases, the tightness of fit creates unsightly bulges.

Ageing depresses him for there is still part of him that yearns to go crowd surfing, having relationships with unsuitable people and walking in the rain. He is a big chap though so crowd surfing is unlikely to be realistic. And he is blessed with having married a wonderful wife who he is still very much in love with so watches those around him having relationships with unsuitable people and thanks the big Banana for his good fortune. This leaves walking in the rain which he embraces. One out of three is not bad.

He adores his children and his dog, all of whom make him laugh (also, weep, beat his chest and throw sticks). They seem to do the same, normally when they want something.

He is happiest when he is with his family and when is is busy, either separately or together.

He welcomes any feedback on

Entries by Mr Pickwick

Intolerant, Moi?

(0) Comments | Posted June 6, 2016 | 4:06 PM

As we become older, we become more intolerant. Of pop music, other peoples' children, litter and in my case certain foodstuffs.

My formative years were spent feasting at tables struggling to support the weight of foodstuffs placed on them. When the question arose as to who had eaten all the...

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Introducing Mr and Mrs Tracey Emin - A Rock and a Hard Place

(0) Comments | Posted March 26, 2016 | 8:01 AM

Here's a question - if your mother in law was a type of rock, what would she be. I pondered this issue this morning over a cup of tea.

Sedimentary rock - created from the accumulation of mineral and organic particles
Metamorphic - transformed by the application of heat...

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Confronting Fear and Feathers

(0) Comments | Posted March 19, 2016 | 4:08 PM

I have a fear of dead things. Not death, I can cope with that although I would be mighty pissed off if I got snuffed out prematurely. On arriving at the other place, I would be Mr Angry from Purgatory making such a fuss that St Peter would return me...

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What Am I Good At?

(0) Comments | Posted March 12, 2016 | 12:16 PM

Last night, the younger Pickwick daughter announced to me that the one thing she was good at is lungs.

"Dad - they make such a lot of sense" before providing a brief taster of the icky bits to demonstrate her point. This appeared to have been garnered from the...

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Dogs or Cats - Which Are Better?

(0) Comments | Posted February 24, 2016 | 3:19 PM

Finding out on the Huffington Post that domestic cats will launch themselves swiftly in the opposite direction on being presented with a cucumber has been a wonderful discovery. It has made me reach for a couple of sticks of vegetable dynamite before I leave the house in case I encounter...

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Spectacle Choice - A Tale of Fading Youth, Nudism and Inappropraite Role Models

(0) Comments | Posted November 19, 2015 | 2:14 AM

Age has caused me to take an interest in fashion as a way to preserve my fading youth. I am following well trodden steps in this regard such as William Hague when he reached for a baseball hat and hung out with the Boyz in the Hood. Behind the scenes,...

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A New Approach to Surviving Holidays With the In-Laws

(0) Comments | Posted July 27, 2015 | 3:55 PM

"Father, if you were going to kill someone, how would you do it?" asked the younger Pickwick daughter during lunch some weeks ago.

Mrs Pickwick and I have always felt it important to support our children in the development of their ideas and self expression and to tolerate rebellion. This...

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Getting Older

(0) Comments | Posted May 28, 2015 | 5:19 AM

Like many people, Mrs Pickwick has an unfortunate tendency to complain about her age. Far from being a wizened old hag, she displays radiance and beauty in spades maintained by a routine finely engineered by careful experience and the contents of sweet smelling bottles assuring her she is worth it.

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Am I Beach Body Ready? The True Meaning of the Question

(0) Comments | Posted May 8, 2015 | 5:53 AM

I was forced to consider this question as it stood out before me on an advertising poster in big letters during one otherwise normal day. It was accompanied with a picture of a beautiful blonde-haired woman in a tiny yellow bikini. This was vainly attempting to contain breasts with the...

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The 2015 General Election Campaign - Doing It Doggy Style

(0) Comments | Posted April 29, 2015 | 3:51 PM

This is the first General Election campaign I have lived through where I am at a loss who to vote for.

The ability to vote is one of the most important rights assumed by the individual on reaching the age of majority. It is on the list of rights which...

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Sex-Inspired Spring Cleaning - I Am a Three Times a Day Man

(0) Comments | Posted March 26, 2015 | 3:42 PM

As the week came to a close, I identified a small voice inside me which grew louder and louder as I approached Saturday morning. On arriving at the allotted time, it became deafening.

Saturday morning - a moment of the week when normal people breathe a sigh of relief knowing...

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The Day Mrs Pickwick Invited Someone Else Into Our Bed

(0) Comments | Posted February 24, 2015 | 3:50 PM

It being Valentine's Day and the opening weekend at the local cinema for "50 Shades of Grey", Mrs Anastasia Pickwick and I came to the inevitable conclusion that we should invite someone else into our bed for the night. We had known Dudley for four years, after he had been...

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Oh My God, Who Am I Going to Vote For?

(0) Comments | Posted February 2, 2015 | 2:45 PM

With the General Election appearing on the horizon, the choice of which party to vote for has created the same dilemma as deciding upon how best you would like to be killed. The only difference being that if you are dead, you would not have to contemplate the outcomes of...

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An Antidote to Karl Pilkington - An Idiosyncratic Abroad

(0) Comments | Posted December 21, 2014 | 4:07 AM

With the emergence of a week when I was free to do as I pleased, Mrs Pickwick suggested I take a short holiday on my own as the other members of the family were occupied by the great hamster wheel of life. Aware that these opportunities come about rarely and...

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A Smart Car or a Sex Life - A Husband Decides

(1) Comments | Posted October 23, 2014 | 4:05 PM

It was an extreme reaction from Mrs Pickwick. You buy a Smart car and our sex life is over.

There were two possible scenarios to interpret this warning. The practical one - that should we consider such activity in a Smart Car, the absence of a back seat and the...

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Smalls Are Beautiful

(0) Comments | Posted October 6, 2014 | 3:40 PM

An unsettling scourge has landed on the Pickwick house. Normal service has been disrupted following the delivery of a M&S Menswear catalogue largely made up of undergarments modelled by the British model David Gandy. This has led to the Pickwick females moving from their normal state of kick-ass 21st Century...

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Shouldn't We All be a Little Bit Gay? Reflections on Amsterdam Gay Pride 2014

(0) Comments | Posted August 7, 2014 | 5:37 PM

Etched on my brain from last weekend is the memory of my wife reacting in astonishment at the sight of a boat sponsored by the Dutch National Railways floating past us as we watched the 2014 Amsterdam Gay Pride Boat Parade with the slogan "all you need is Faith, Trust...

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The First Skinny Dip of the Year

(0) Comments | Posted July 22, 2014 | 6:09 PM

I am always reluctant admitting I have a swimming pool. The decadence it suggests is outweighed by the fact that it costs an enormous sum to maintain which we can barely afford, can only operate with the application of such strong chemicals that I am sure it will catch fire...

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Feeling Stressed - Pour Barbeque Sauce on a Cocker Spaniel

(0) Comments | Posted July 10, 2014 | 5:24 PM

I am currently coming out the back end of a tempus horribilis. A drip, drip, drip of disasters whose weight has brought the dam down flooding the horizon with challenge to those around. The final drip occurred today leading me to attach myself to the family dog and be propelled...

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Guilt - The Day the Dog Had His Bits Removed

(0) Comments | Posted March 29, 2014 | 8:05 AM

Dudley, the Pickwick family dog has his crown jewels removed early this week.

The decision to do this was driven by advice from the local vet who said that there was a 20 per cent risk of testicular cancer if he retained them.

Mrs Pickwick and I were torn by...

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