College Anxiety: Modern Families Caught in The Middle

Just when I thought I was one of a handful to embrace the comedy in college-bound families, Hollywood put its hand on the pulse of family angst. It happens every year, but suddenly sitcoms are sitting up and taking notice of college-bound anxiety. As they should. It's rampant and there's humor if you look hard enough -- especially when they help parents discover that panic is practically universal and their teen isn't the only one rolling his eyes and procrastinating.

This year approximately 3 million families are in the middle of chaos. Deadlines are right around the corner and the "to do" list is jammed. SATs. College visits. Essay writing. Admissions and scholarship applications. Financial aid forms. With the exception of early decision admissions (fraught with it's own dilemmas), there's no rest or peace until May 2012, when the deals are sealed.

Thankfully, parents and teens can take a well-deserved comedic break and feel a little better in the process.The writers of Modern Family and The Middle must be parents of college-bound kids, because they brilliantly nail college-bound family dynamics. There's lots of finger pointing, drama, and spellchecking.

In separate episodes of Modern Family, high school senior Haley (Sarah Hyland) struggles with finding an essay topic (Spoiler Alert: Mom's means of inspiring her borders on child abuse, but it's a sitcom!) and touring her dad's alma matter with dad (always embarrassing). You will smile at the teen trauma and overboard parents. And you will wonder if parents are really that annoying. Heads up -- Yes, we are.

In my favorite college comedy episode ("The Test") The Middle's Frankie (Patricia Heaton) experiences the parental anxiety of learning a standardized testing deadline a little too late. And while it also eluded her teen son Axl (Charlie McDermott), it is, of course, her fault. And then there are the obnoxiously competitive other parents. It's like a script from our lives. In another episode, when Axl is approached by a football recruiter, the family focuses on impression management, highlighting the fact that everybody's scrambling to impress the admissions officers.

Yes, there's comedy in college-bound anxiety, and parents and teens are giving Hollywood some rich material. Indulge in a little to keep your parental perspective. It'll help you remember there's light and laughs at the end of the college journey -- until you get the bill.

 

 

 

Follow Nancy Berk, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/nancyberk

Comments

[MegaMomSC]

02:06 PM on 11/10/2011

My son is a sophomore at one of the top public schools in our state. The pressure is already starting. (Actually, it started in the 7th grade when he first took the SAT for the Duke TIPS Scholar Program.) But now we are getting brochures from colleges and universities about why he should consider them and what he needs to be doing now to ensure acceptance. Next year the PSAT will determine if he's a National Merit Scholar. We lucked out in one area. He is a minority (Hispanic), and he was accepted into a program that helps him find scholarships that he qualifies for, pays for his college applications, and pays for him to take the SAT. I am assuming that they also keep up with the timelines for all of these things, because he may have book smarts, but he has no common sense. And I didn't get much in that area either. All I know is the next two years will be crunch time. Fortunately, he wants to attend the local public university, which is a great school, for his undergraduate degree. So, we won't have applications spread out all over the country. At least that is what he is saying at the moment.

[Kalie]

08:30 PM on 11/10/2011

If your son has book smarts, and no common sense, my best advice for him, with all my research (I have done alot on colleges) is a smaller college. Don't let him loose at a large college, because he doesn't need it and can shine at a smaller one. Really analyze your kid. If he wants to stay close to home, look at college websites for the best college, he can get into, after he takes his SATS/ACT. Most kids take those tests 2-3 times starting after sophomore year. If he is in a lot of AP classes, the sooner the better. One tip of things you don't want to do: since he is only a sophomore, don't put a lot of pressure on him right now. I always tried to balance schoolwork/sports/social so that my son didn't feel cheated out of any. Junior year is when he must shine on those tests. Grades are hugely important and a 3.5 or better will get him into a good school with an ACT of 28+ (I dont know SATS). I personally think colleges are hurting now and are giving more scholarships than ever because of hard economic times --people are opting for junior colleges! Go for it!

[MegaMomSC]

12:54 PM on 11/11/2011

He had one AP class last year, and he made a 5 on the exam. He is taking two this year, statistics and European history. He's got an A in both, so it's looking pretty good. We live in Columbia, SC, and he's hoping to go to USC Honors College, which is rather self-contained within the larger USC system. He needs to apply himself a little more in science and English. I don't know what it is about those subjects, but he's just never shown an interest. He writes well for his other classes, but doesn't put the effort in for English class itself. But, with the weighted grades of honors and AP classes, he still has a 3.5, thank goodness.

[Kalie]

08:31 PM on 11/05/2011

I have met the obnoxiously competitive parents. "My son has a free ride AND is a better athlete than yours!" And Im ready to retire but have to pay for college for four more years... Uggg

[MegaMomSC]

02:12 PM on 11/10/2011

I had a friend like that whose son was a year behind mine. She actually did some of his homework for him to ensure he made all As. Wow, she was neurotic and was clearly on the way to making him neurotic as well. I don't know what she's going to do when the math gets too hard. My son's became too much for me in 7th grade. She was hilarious to watch, but I had to end my friendship with her for other reasons, primarily to save my sanity. I feel for her son, who is severely punished if he brings home anything other than straight As. It's sad to be that competitive.

[Kalie]

08:18 PM on 11/10/2011

I've talked to parents who have children in college, and I heard the "helicoptering" doesn't end in college for some of these parents. I have seen mothers make their sons soooooo high maintenance, I don't know how any woman will be able to deal with them. And I have seen other moms who are sooo overbearing, their kids can't order for themselves, in a restaurant. You would think that high schoolers should be able to order, even if they need price instructions. My mom died very young, so without much help, I raised my sons to work hard and be nice people. Apparently, nice doesn't go very far these days. I get kudos from their girlfriends parents, but the rest of the world is what I worry about.

[Nancy Berk]

10:51 AM on 11/11/2011

You need a little strategy and a lot of patience and humor as you parent through the college process. Good luck! You sound try grounded :)
Nancy

[Nancy Berk]

11:18 AM on 11/05/2011

Thanks Donna. I hope you like the book. You've gotta find the humor and survival skills when you are going through the process, right?

[Donna Cavanagh]

04:10 PM on 11/04/2011

Nancy this is an excellent post and I cannot wait to read your book on this topic. I saw that College Bound and Gagged is now published so I am going to buy it for my brother whose kids are nearing this experience. I also want to read it to finally see the humor in what I went through. :)