As a woman in midlife we possess a particular depth of experience, a sense of hard-earned cultivated wisdom -- and we certainly deserve that distinction. We've raised kids, managed households, lead careers, engaged in marriages and relationships, cared for our aging parents and then -- wham.
In 2008, I ran up against my wham. I was a 22-year veteran exec of a Wall Street firm who was unceremoniously shown the door. I was faced with a real conundrum. My identity was tightly woven around and through the walls of that tall, shining office tower. It may as well have been a long-term marriage. It was what I knew. And I achieved, full out. I was earning in the top tier, raising my kids in Manhattan, married 15 years -- plenty to be proud of.
However, my intrinsically rewarding life was instantly obliterated when I was forced out. My identity was shattered. Five days later, I lost my father of 92 years. He was my hero. He raised me from age 6 by himself, along with my two older brothers after we lost our mother tragically. I was no stranger to sudden loss -- it coursed through me all my life.
Practice in loss doesn't make one a pro at grief. It does, however, serve as a point of deep reflection. Choosing to positively incorporate the recognition of mind-blowing loss initiates the road to recovery and honors the blessings of that person or experience gone by.
Through the darkness of personal collapse I slowly evolved, finally realizing that softening into gratitude beats the vulnerability of grief to the punch. Gratitude for the six years I had with my radiant and extraordinary mother. Gratitude for my loving and heroic father who inspired me to be the resilient survivor that I am today. Gratitude for my two older brothers who loved and protected me as the three of us grew up motherless. Gratitude for being alive today to watch my sparkling children grow.
And ultimately, gratitude to the firm for showing me the door, offering me the gateway to the best chapter of my life. Once I got up off the floor and the shock subsided, and I finally stopped feeling like a victimized, washed-up old troll, I realized they gave me the gift of liberation: the golden opportunity to create a life I love. A life fully expressed.
Once I made my way out of the hollows of despair, my mind's eye saw a fresh, clean, white canvas. I reached for the most vibrant colors and began my dazzling re-creation, etched in my divine signature, as my authentic self, and all on my own terms. Today, there is no delineation between my professional and personal life; it is together, all a clear reflection of who I am essentially.
Identity loss is to rebirth as change is to evolution. Both painful, both bursting with opportunity. I created A Zestful Life as a place to serve women motivated to reclaim, recreate and rejuvenate through big life changes; a place to support women crafting their own customized and artfully blended life. Because there is no such thing as a balanced life in today's world.
It takes more than optimism, hope and future-mindedness to revitalize a shattered identity. It takes being deliberate, staying committed and creating a plan. First, we identify who we are essentially vs. who we've become socially to satisfy our personal "board of directors." We also engage in the energizing exploration of identifying our passions and character strengths. Using our natural talents and strengths in new ways serves as the critical underpinnings of recreating a wholehearted life, a life well-lived. Overall, the deeper we understand how to create our personalized recipe of the elements of well-being -- positive emotion, engagement, relationships with others, meaning and purpose, and achievement -- the better positioned we are to thrive.
I believe the power of coaching is a pre-eminent catalyst for human change. Funny enough, I did not choose coaching. It called me. In his book "Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being," Martin Seligman cited sociologists distinguishing between jobs, careers and callings. Jobs are for the money; careers are for promotions, benefits, and the hope of longer-term security. A calling is different. Seligman describes a calling as "a passionate commitment to work for its own sake."
What called me to coaching? As I became a student of my own well-being, coaching was presented with distinct clarity. What better way to spend my days than exercising the best parts of myself? Ask yourself: What are you doing when you're at your best? What's your secret sauce that people can count on you for? It's time to create a life around that.
Do what you love. And do what you do best. Get deliberate. Get inspired. Get going.
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
Follow Nancy Sherr on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@NancySherr
Get deliberate. Get inspired. Get going! :-)
I am still after 19 months of no work unable to get over this blow of being fired,despite it being my fault.How do I handle when asked why I left my last job??I am so humilated by it all,any suggestions as to how I can get over this??Would be deeply appreciated.
These experiences are never easy and it takes time to regroup. To more forward, we need to accept the past. It happened, we can't change it. What we can do is create a life for today and the future. Whatever the circumstances of your departure, look for and talk about the positive aspects of the experience you had at your former job and focus on them as you position yourself for a new one. Its all about positivity, and being deliberate in that vein. Keep going -- good things to come!
-Nancy
Remember: As long as you and your love ones have excellent health, roof over your head, and eat three (3) square meals a day then considered yourself LUCKY...Why? Because millions of people around the world are starving, homeless, and suffering. Most of them don't even have clean water to drink.
Thank you for your comment. Everyone has their authentic 'secret sauce'. So, you've got it, indeed you have. Only you have your perfectly unique fingerprint. And you know what your secret sauce is -- when people say "Oh, that's soooo On2Somethng"! If you are able to see beyond your blind spots -- you have all the answers. My experience has proven that it takes is a true look through a clear lens. A great coach, or perhaps a group coaching setting could perhaps be helpful to start you on your road! My best to you -- get inspired for your journey! -Nancy
I do have to keep financial resources in mind to ensure I get back on track with savings, etc. but I feel that taking this time to gain perspective has been crucial - otherwise I could have easily woken up at age 62 ready to retire, but extremely unhappy.
Loved your comment! First, it's one thing to be motivated by recognizing your passions, but what's more -- to act on them by starting to envision your day-to-day and formalize plans is awesome. That's really being true to yourself! Sounds like you've found your 'calling' as referenced in my post. YESSSS!! As for the financial rewards, don't underestimate - you can be creative once you get going and can certainly make a very rewarding living. All kinds of additional specialties can be generated from coaching that will generate your livelihood. You should be paid for: your time, talent, insight and training. Go for it!! Best to you, Nancy
This is awesome. I am the cofounder of a coworking space that provides a professional work space for solopreneurs, freelancers, and independent consultants who are tired of working from home and from Starbucks. We provide wifi, coffee and meeting rooms for those who don't want to commit to a long-term office lease.
We are fortunate to have many women members of our community who, like you, have decided to start businesses of their own. Your post is very inspiring and hopefully you've given people, not just women, the assurance that losing your job is not the end of the world. It's important to focus on the knowledge and skills you have acquired and create your own job if necessary. This is not intuitive for many people as conventional education (at least in the US) seems geared toward preparing you to be an employee rather than an owner.
Good on you for taking the lemons of losing your job and making the sweet lemonade of owning your own business.
Peace.
Thanks so much for your inspiring comment! I found the reinvention process both enlightening and challenging. Our authentic selves are living deep within us, and somehow over the years it gets buried and becomes our 'blind spot'. So, after The Wham, we are (particularly in mid-life and in a tough economy) forced to find it in order to recreate and exercise the best parts of ourselves. I've found through my personal experiences and through my coaching practice -- its definitely a process. And I agree on entrepreneurship -- it isn't for everyone, its lots of hard work, but it sure is liberating :) Feel free to pass along my link to my About page http://www.nancysherr.com/about/ to anyone you think interested. My free 5-part e-course sign up is there and its all about this topic: the cycles of catalytic change and the process of reinvention! Wishing you all the best and many thanks again. -Nancy
I was fired from my job for political reasons in February 2009. Despite having an MBA, going for interview coaching, resume re-writing, etc., I have not been able to land a full time job. I am working part-time for $7.50/hr. If not for financial support from my mother, I would not have health insurance or a roof over my head.
After 3.5 years of being rejected by employers for different roles, I am at a loss for what to do at age 43. I am open to any suggestions.
Thanks for listening.
I changed your name, for starters :) As tough as it feels, personal momentum builds from seeing yourself standing with hope, so turn that dial up. First, I'd invite you to sign up for my free e-course: http://www.nancysherr.com/about/ It talks about the cycles of big life changes, and the process of reinvention, etc. To life your spirits, take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths from UPenn's Authetic Happiness -- its free and its motivating to see what your top 5 strengths are:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx We have all 24, the top 5 are what we use the most. Something may inspire you from that exercise. And one question for you -- think about what activities you are doing to recreate your professional life, and come up with a few sparkly new ideas..what are you passionate about? Change your plan tactics, if even with one new avenue. You may be surprised where that leads you, and what doors open up! And above all: never, ever give up! It's out there, re-energize yourself and go for it! Best to you and let me know how you're doing! Keep your eyes looking ahead, Nancy
Thank you for your comment. I certainly can empathize. Loosing one's job/career is devastating. It was for me both from a financial and an emotional perspective. My family and I endured very hard times as a result, particularly living in a very expensive city. The theme in my post today was not undermining the challenges and bedlam an experience like that creates, but more how we deal with the "Wham" and how we utilize the best parts of ourselves to recreate. The event of being fired is not "a good thing" at the time, but when we argue with reality, we loose 100% of the time. If it happens we have no choice other than accept it, and push forward to create something better -- because "better" is always available to us. Wishing you all the very best. - Nancy