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Nancy Wurtzel

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Scrub a Dub Dub, There's an Ex in My Tub

Posted: 04/23/2012 12:20 pm

Divorce brings up all sorts of emotions, and sometimes people find themselves acting a little crazy. Those who have ended marriages have their own personal divorce story -- some are sad, some are scary and some are just plain funny.

My slightly twisted divorce tale starts when I had been separated for about a year.

Hiking in a local park, I took a fall, landing hard on my backside. When I woke up the next morning, everything hurt.

I took some over-the-counter pain meds and then a long, hot shower. The shower simply didn't cut it. Don't get me wrong. Showers are great, but sometimes you just want (or need) a nice hot soak to help relieve those achy muscles.

So here's the rub (sorry, but you had to know it was coming): My rented townhouse didn't have a comfortable bathtub. Yes, there was a tub in the guest bathroom, however it was one of those weird, plastic, molded, all-in-one shower and tub combos that is as ugly as it is cramped. I'd tried taking baths in it and always end up disappointed.

It so happens I had to meet with my former husband (hereafter known as FH) at his home office to discuss financial aid applications for our soon-to-be-college-bound daughter.

FH kept the family home when we separated and eventually divorced.

By this time, my back was really hurting and all I could think of was the master bedroom just down the hall. You see, if you walk through that bedroom, you get to the master bath, and in that master bath you will find an huge, amazing, oval bathtub.

I longed for that tub.

After an hour or so, FH had to dash off to a meeting, while I stayed behind to finish up my share of the paperwork.

Suddenly, it dawned on me: I was alone in the house and this was my chance. Could I really cross that line? Who would know? Was this going to far... even for me? Before I knew what I was doing, I was sitting on the side of the tub, stroking the pristine porcelain and imagining how good it would feel to sink down into a nice hot bath.

My inner voice said: "Stop, right there. This isn't your house anymore." Dejected, I packed up my papers and slunk home.

Tossing and turning that night, my back was keeping me awake, and all I could think of was that gleaming tub. By morning, I'd made up my mind.

Dammit. That bathtub was mine for 16 years. I needed it now and by god I was going to have it.

Learning that FH told would be out for the afternoon, I dug out the spare key to my old house and packed a small duffle bag. Towel. Check. Bath salts. Check. Candles. Check, Check.

So how was it?

It was pretty much a slice of heaven -- wonderful, relaxing and better than I remembered. The water was hot and possibly (if I am being totally honest) tinged with a bit of revenge. I didn't realize how much I had missed that tub and resented leaving the family home. After it was over, I gathered up my things, wiped down the bathtub and quietly left the house.

The moral of my story is you can't throw the divorce out with the bathwater.

However, sometimes you can momentarily reclaim what was once yours. Which, in my case, surprisingly turned out to be very therapeutic. My afternoon soak was healing to both my back and my psychic. As I left, I closed the door on my former home feeling renewed and ready to move forward.

 

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Divorce brings up all sorts of emotions, and sometimes people find themselves acting a little crazy. Those who have ended marriages have their own personal divorce story -- some are sad, some are scar...
Divorce brings up all sorts of emotions, and sometimes people find themselves acting a little crazy. Those who have ended marriages have their own personal divorce story -- some are sad, some are scar...
 
 
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10:31 AM on 05/01/2012
Love it, Nancy!
12:50 PM on 04/27/2012
Nancy Wurtzel - burglary is a crime. Why do you have a 'spare' key?
11:24 AM on 04/27/2012
What's the name of that old song... "Breaking and entering is hard to do' ?
mary jane3
Optimistic pessimist
02:05 PM on 04/25/2012
Why not just call him and ask him? If the author is on such great terms that her ex allowed her to keep a key and to roam around alone in the house after he left, then I can't imagine that he would have begrudged her a hot bath after an injury. This is like a sitcom that you're watching and thinking no one really would act that way - going to weird and crazy extremes when everything could have been solved very easily had it been addressed immediately. Use common sense, people.
01:54 PM on 04/25/2012
It does not matter if this story was real or fabricated. This lady selfishly boasts that the tub was hers as if the man did not exist in her previous home. What else there, in her ex's home, was only hers? Now I know why her marriage ended--real or fictitious. Well, about $2000-$4000 she could have replaced the bathtub in her townhouse with a whirlpool...and enjoy it everyday instead of trespassing and or intruding on someone else's property...and, privacy. Her vengeance was rewarding only once, but a whirlpool in her own home could have been rewarding for a long, long time. We can further conclude, that the man was a sweet, patient, understanding, generous and trusting human being unlike her, to let her alone in his house.
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niceguy71653
01:52 PM on 04/25/2012
If I was him I would have offered up a trade. Or maybe that's why they got divorced in the first place?
01:50 PM on 04/25/2012
Even though she had a key to the place, she was legally divorced and therefore bound to fork over any and all keys to the house. So if he came home and she got arrested for BE, then it would be her own damn fault. Not a wise move to make when you can get arrested for a lame thing like that. Just ask for the tub in the div., that simple or get one of your own to use in your townhouse, easy enough.
01:47 PM on 04/25/2012
There goes two minutes I'll never get back.
01:27 PM on 04/25/2012
why is this news
01:12 PM on 04/25/2012
I thought it was cute. If my Ex asked to use my tub I'd probably say yes. Then I'd let loose the Kraken!
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lovetogutyou
I hide behind my eyes
01:38 PM on 04/25/2012
LOL! That was actually a pretty cute comment.
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Paulo Anozie
12:43 PM on 04/25/2012
This is a fictitious story and you guys are jumping all over it like it actually happened. Who in this world would leave his/her ex in his/her house alone? It would be sucidal to do such a thing, the story is to test your reasoning and you guys fall flat in your thinking. There's no such a thing in real life.
12:29 PM on 04/25/2012
The first thing I would have done in a divorce is change the locks....
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Joie Travis Durham
12:17 PM on 04/25/2012
I can't believe I read this.
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christalt1
Spread Your Love
12:17 PM on 04/25/2012
I thought he would walk in on her and they would rekindle the romance. Disappointing story! Lol
12:11 PM on 04/25/2012
I agree with the other posts, if this was reversed it wouldn't be so funny, you'd have an article about an ex-wife claiming she felt violated that an ex entered the home without prior knowledge....but we are all suppose to 'lighten up' and laugh because it was the ex-wife entering without permission?
02:05 PM on 04/25/2012
In the right curcumstances, I think a woman coming home to her ex husband taking a bubble bath to be funny, like if the separation was amicable and the husband isn't trying to sleep with the ex.