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My Sex Life with the TSA

Posted: 05/27/11 11:46 AM ET

So this blog post is titled: "My Sex Life with the TSA". Because I am getting a LOT of action from them.

I went through JFK this past week. As usual, I request not to go through the backscatter machines. And as usual, they tell me that SINCE I mentioned it at all, they have to give me a "pat-down."

Well, without flowers or candlelight or even a nice dinner, I am led into a highly visible corner, after quite a wait for a "female officer". They did ask if I wanted to go somewhere private but I would have felt even MORE uncomfortable NOT in a public setting.

A very attractive African-American woman in her mid-twenties was tasked with searching me. So of course, a skanky male traveler -- white, mid-forties, affluent -- decides to stand around and watch.

As this nice young woman goes through the whole procedure, I asked her -- as I always ask TSA officials -- if their training had explained to them WHY this process was necessary or what purpose it served. She said, "No," and her female colleague standing nearby also said "No."

Interestingly, the procedure is quite highly eroticized. She kept saying "Now I am going to touch your sensitive area." Which made me think that at least a generation of young women are going to learn where their clitorises are through our US tax dollar, which certainly has a social benefit.

But as she was engaged in quite thoroughly going through this process, the skanky white affluent male traveler, who was now done with his own security process, was HANGING OVER THE EDGE of the low barrier, perfectly relaxed, enjoying the scenario! And commenting: "Hey, can I have you pat me down?" "Hey, its always big hairy men with hair on their knuckles patting me down... I want you to pat me down... can I participate? I'll sign a waiver!" Swear to God.

So this poor woman -- shades of the DSK cleaner, but harassed this time by the State -- is being sexually degraded by the process she has to go through; sexually degraded by a passenger; and I feel rather sexually degraded too, by the process put in place by the State.

Finally I say sharply to him, "That's enough!" and the two women look at me in surprise.

"We thought he was with you!" they say.

"Never seen him before," I comment. And we all have a moment of bonding, being women in a state of complete skanked-at-ness.

Brought to you by the United States Government.

 
 
 
 
 
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11:27 AM on 06/06/2011
I like it-that's it!

Surely, this story somehow echoes a jock of a male traveller from a particular ethinic background, visiting an urology male doctor before a flight imminent because he had got an hour to a departure and needed some gentle touch-for-free urgently.

However, the jock was popular in a different distant place and in the timing far prior to 9/11.

And it was just a jock reflecting then inter-racial affairs in that particular part of the world.

Michael Kerjman
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khg1
12:11 PM on 06/03/2011
I travel up to 80% for my job - I do not have a choice about it. Even when the scanners are not on or in use I have been pulled for pat downs. The last trip this happened each way. Leaving Phoenix I got the pat down, some of my perfume must have set off an alarm from the gloves. So I was taken to a frosted booth with no ceiling, and they go through the whole thing again, including taking every single thing from my purse and computer back pack to wipe with their test cloths - including my blackberry out of the case, my iPod, all my power cords, my facial powder- everything. I asked them to leave my tampons alone or I would consider them unsanitary. So now in the 2nd pat down - more vigorous then the first. I asked the female TSA agent if she would do my annual exam while she was there since she was so interested in my crotch in every possible way. Since I travel in a sports bra, track pants and a golf shirt I have no pockets and could not conceal anything if I tried. I have short hair - but they insist on getting their hand all up in my do. Having only seen my husband in passing for 7 weeks, it seems I get more action form the TSA, and it is unwanted action. I resent being harassed during what is my equivalent of a Monday
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Cherie Lyon
The truth sets you free-lies are chains
09:26 AM on 06/02/2011
Does anyone know how much money we've put into this TSA program?
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khg1
12:15 PM on 06/03/2011
Too much for no protection at all. We are reactive, not proactive.If you think this TSA ridiculousness and physical harassment makes you safe - you are the fool. It is a very false sense of security. I know that traveling has hazards - including getting hijacked. You have to accept that there is a possibility of that every time you get on a plane. Or the plane just going down, blowing up, getting hole ripped in it....
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dayzee10
Get busy living or get busy dying! Damn right
09:49 PM on 06/01/2011
If you are a male and were to get sexually stimulated during this pat down would it "arouse" suspicion?
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khg1
12:16 PM on 06/03/2011
Nice pun! I would pay to watch how a male TSA agent would deal with the crotch pat down, if the man was "at attention"! LOL!
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MyAhaMoment
What do you want to do today Brain?
10:58 AM on 06/01/2011
I was patted down after going through the "all seeing eye" of the full body scanner, and asked the gal.."Do I need to tip you when you're finished?" got a good laugh and eased the awkwardness. although, i was not offered a more private pat-down location then in the middle of the four security lines.
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writeon1
Pundit in my own mind
06:37 PM on 05/30/2011
I've seen them do this to little kids because the parents don't want to go through the scanner and it just scares the heck out of some kids. And of course we tell kids to not let strangers touch them etc. Why would parents put their kids through this? And it's not like the TSA people are kid friendly.
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khg1
12:18 PM on 06/03/2011
It is child molestation. I don't blame the kids for being scared. They are being touched in ways that they have been told are bad.

At least the UK figured out early on that the graphic nature of the images actually violated their child pornography laws and so no persons under 18 are asked for the scan. Don;t know about the pat downs. They seemed more relaxed in Australia, and looked at me funny when I took off my shoes....
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TitaniumAvatar
Sinister yet Dexterous
04:27 PM on 05/30/2011
I'm sure those stupid terrorists will never figure out how to strike the US without using a Commercial Airliner.

I feel safer every time I get a rub-down, oh I mean Pat-Down from those friendly TSA Agents.
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the grange gorman
Rachel Corrie is the greatest person since Lennon
01:27 PM on 05/30/2011
This is one reason there are so few tourists , the skiing in Colorado is better than the skiing in Canada but you arent assaulted at Canadian airports.
09:41 PM on 05/29/2011
Good blog... Does anyone actually feel threatened by terrorism? I understand that 9/11 was a good reason to go get Bin Laden, but that could have been done differently than beginning a perpetual war on terror.

Intellectual honesty tells me that Ron Paul is the only one that's been consistant long enough to gain my trust in the fight against the encroachments against my personal Liberty.

Anyone disagree?
10:36 PM on 05/29/2011
I feel that Senator Bernie Sanders, Independent from Vermont, has been more honest, consistently accurate on the facts, correct with his warnings about the government policies, and more insightful in his proposals than any other elected official...Personally, I'm writing in his name in the next Presidential election.
10:59 PM on 05/29/2011
I like Sanders, but he is not running.
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eepah
The price of bootstraps grows ever higher
06:14 PM on 05/31/2011
I do agree, and I'd gladly vote red for the first time in my life IF AND ONLY IF he downgraded his harsh anti-abortion rights stance and softened it into an "abortion-prevention is a matter of public health" stance.
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Pinky Lee
Stop voting against your own best interests.
09:32 PM on 05/29/2011
Maybe I should start flying more.
09:29 PM on 05/29/2011
The joke is that TSA pat downs and X-rays don't matter. If someone really wants to take people out all they have to do is drive up to the terminal with a bomb laden auto and BANG, lots are dead. No cars are stopped and checked on the way to the terminals.
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waltzacrosstexas
When in doubt... just ask "HER" to dance!
09:55 PM on 05/29/2011
That's probably next!
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khg1
12:21 PM on 06/03/2011
I figured the next thing was to implant the bombs inside of people bodies. Especially the new crop of female suicide bombers. Who is going to argue with a woman in an abaya or burqa - they won;t do the back scatter xray....and they won't allow a pat down either - they would probably end up whipped or stoned by their relatives.
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09:11 PM on 05/29/2011
Have you noticed that the people most in favor of state-sponsored communal groping, are also opposed to sex education?
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khg1
12:23 PM on 06/03/2011
And birth control, and choice, and allowing pharmacists to impose their religious beliefs by not filling certain prescriptions......

Ever notice that these "people" are people you wouldn't want to have sex with in the first place? Just sayin.....
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wernerholm
bio doesnt ever meet guidelines
09:01 PM on 05/29/2011
Number of Americans who are killed by 'Terrorists' every day 0.0063

Number of Americans who are killed by their cars each day 114.76
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Pinky Lee
Stop voting against your own best interests.
09:34 PM on 05/29/2011
Been preaching that for years now.
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03:59 AM on 05/30/2011
Number of Iraqis killed in their beds every day... 6.98352

[http://www.casualty-monitor.org/]
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sposton
right to tell what they don't want to hear
08:38 PM on 05/29/2011
Texas House of Representatives passed a unanimous protest law to curb the TSA usurpation of American freedoms and liberties. Federal government threatened Texas with suspension of air traffic in Texas - Texas Senate killed the bill.
09:05 PM on 05/29/2011
Your liberties are alive and well. Drink a glass of warm milk and to to bed.
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sposton
right to tell what they don't want to hear
09:51 PM on 05/29/2011
It is OK to disagree with me, but why belittle anyone with whom you disagree? I grew up under communism and I know something about what tyranny looks like. My opinion is influenced by the empirical evidence around me. I suspect yours is influenced largely by a blind belief that a tyranny could never happened here, certainly not under "your" president. I don't care about parties or personalities. I look at problems systemically and from that perspective I see a perfect continuation between Bush and Obama.

You go ahead and belittle me as much as you wish but I believe what is happening around us is too important to reduce to puerile mud throwing.
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tnkeating
Dyslexic agnostic insomniac
08:30 PM on 05/29/2011
I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body screaming to get out, so naturally I would prefer a pat down from a very attractive African American women. All I usually get is please remove your shoes and belt and walk through the machine and an occasional sniff machine. Oh well if a man wants to pat me down, I'll just have to cancel my trip cause that ain't happening.
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khg1
12:24 PM on 06/03/2011
yeah good luck with that.