PROBLEM: Compulsive Behaviors (Dad keeps taking everything out of his wallet and putting it back in.)
Your loved one may constantly check to see if the door is locked, empty or rearrange wallets or purses, pack and repack clothing, etc.
These things are all manifestations of anxiety. The patient knows he has something important to remember but has forgotten what it was ... and this causes his repetitive behaviors.
The "big four in anxiety" are the basics for all of us: food, shelter, clothing and family -- and it's not surprising that many compulsive behaviors revolve around these issues.
SOLUTIONS: First, ignore the behavior and remember that although it seems strange to you, it's probably not doing any real harm.
Giving cease-and-desist advice to your loved one will only spark stress and arguments. Plus, if a behavior isn't reinforced, it may stop.
In general, do all you can to help the patient cope with his anxiety. Speak in a calm, gentle voice, and don't be afraid to touch or hug.
No matter who we are and how we choose to care for loved ones who are disabled by disease, we can feel a sense of depletion, exhaustion and fear. I have found that caring for a loved one with dementia is a particular kind of heartbreak, because the loss I feel for my mother's departure deepens over and over and over again, with each step she takes away from me into a world I cannot understand.
I find posts and forums like this one, with a thoughtful community of caregivers and comments, to be extremely helpful. Thank you all.
I also got a cell phone with a GPS for my husband. I click it onto his belt every morning. Does he need it yet? No, but I want him completely comfortable with it..has all the emergency contacts hi-lighted in red, too, in case he does become confused away from home..someone can help him. And, I can always check in when he is with others, etc., or is late coming back from the store/golf...all close to home.
labeled with Alzheimers, try becoming a part of that persons life. Ask them why they are doing
something and do so with the intent to understand. Have a few follow-up questions to ask to
let them know you really want to know, to understand Them.
The unaccepted reason Alzheimers is fatal is because that person is actually looking for ways
that will be 'acceptable' (the 'degenerative' part) to his family and friends to exit this life. They're
through. They've had enough.
So ask them, "Are you tired of this world?" "Are you looking for a way out?" "Have you talked to
someone on the other side about crossing over?" Watch the expressions, the facial response, the
look. You may not get them, but be prepared for them and for unusual answers.
Tell them "We love you and would like for you to hang around. There's so much we could
learn from you." or "We love you, you're fun to be with, but if you want to go, it's okay."
And let them.
Drawing the blinds so night isn't obvious.
Using Full Spectrum light bulbs -just as if it were Season Affective Disorder (actually I firmly believe that some of her sadness was actually S.A. D. and the lighting helped) Use cozy lighing too, not too bright-not too dark...
Eliminating references to Dinner, Night, Darkness- behaving as if it could be lunch time on a Sunday and we're all going to snooze afterwards-something she idealized from childhood.
Asking her to watch some really soothing children's television with my little daughter-Clifford the Big Red Dog- Curious George and Caillou are very gentle shows that she enjoyed sharing with her great -grand daughter. I could give my mom a break and make a meal and my grandmother would have the feeling of helping me by caring for the littlest.
Actually, as my daughter grew older and my Grandmother's dementias progressed she still responded to those shows and we got all the tapes just to put on. There are no jarring chords or high drama to invoke strong feelings. She used to shake her head and smile and say, "that Clifford". It was sad at first to see her intellect slip away but then so nice to see her enjoy something.
I hope this helps you. And I wish you and your mom all the best
Alice, babe...no litter box. Roll urself and Morris' daddy a big ol' fatty 2day!
But it's a good point. As much as I hate to admit it, "going with it" has been the hardest thing for me to do, yet the most effective. It's frustrating when I'm tired or trying to concentrate on a task to be asked even the most thoughtful things, like "do you want more to eat," every 30 seconds at length without letup. But it doesn't hurt anything, so I've had to change my attitude toward it.
My 83-year-old mother sometimes verbally attacked me relentlessly and got enormously agitated for the entire evening, because I wouldn't take her to live with her grandmother. Obviously, telling her that her grandmother died nearly 50 years would only upset her more. And you can't divert the attention of an Alzheimers' patient, at least not this one, when she's on a real tear.
So I started getting her suitcases and telling her to pack, offering to help (no thanks, she said). I also asked her to start thinking about directions, since I didn't know where to go. Sometimes she never finishes packing, sometimes she gets to the car before deciding it would be better to go tomorrow and settling down for a pleasant and relatively rational evening with no more mention of her grandmother.
To avoid agitation and conflict, she must be the decision-maker and not feel foolish or out of control.