Side Stepping Statement? Take Drink. Depressed About Country? Take Drink. Blog!

END. FINAL. OVERRRR. Well, this debate was a pretty grueling exercise in tedium but I think I'm going to call it for Barack. He needed to come off presidential and he did. He showed up memorized, fact driven, and steady. McCain came off as agitated and fussy. Obama gave off the impression that, like a good student, he had memorized the factoids and crafted an argument around them. McCain seemed to be winging it. I thought his performance was abysmal. At moments he would sputter out some platitude but in general he was talking circles around himself. At the same time Obama proved himself to be Miss Congeniality, he didn't draw the blood and serve the knock out punches that he needed to. Let's hope both senators decide to bring the heat (and their balls) to the next debate.

10:34 pm YES! CHINA TAKE DOWN!! Oh I love it. "The conspicuousness of their presence is enlarged by our absence!" Ehhhh, now he jumped to veterans. Obama is throwing the kitchen sink right now. Stick to terrifying people about China. Fuck! Well actually I'm getting kind of pissed when McCain goes on about experience and judgment: there's a 300 pound bumbling, moose shooting, bespectacled, gorilla in the too the room that proves the McCain Ticket's poor judgment and inexperience (hint: the gorilla wears Revlon)

10:23 Ukraine, Georgia, Turkmenistan, Boratistan, Chavezistan. American's don't give a fuck about all the stamps on your damn passport McCain.

10:21 JOHN McCAIN IS NOT WEARING A FLAG PIN!!!1! I

END. OVER: Pretty uninspiring. Simply put, Obama came off as more presidential. Kept the focus tight and clear. McCain came off agitated and fussy. Obama = Miss Congeniality, not aggressive enough. But in all, I would say it was Barrack's night. We'll debrief over cocktails next time.

10:16 Are you guys hammered yet? Since most HuffPo readers are boomers --lets hope it isn't light out in the assisted living facility (omg jk! lylas!) yet -- let me ask y'all was :Nixon-Kennedy this soul crushingly boring? We're you all just excited because TeeVee was just more sparkly than the radio? Every one take a shot when Obama calls Russia a "frenemy!"

10:10 WHY IS NO ONE TALKING SHIT ON CHINA?! Seriously people, they are a huge problem. Like a thrillion people type of big problem. I don't know about ya'll but I like living in The Empire and those fools are itchin to take it away from us with their explosive trade power and economy. Just sayin. M-Jad, ain't as scary as China, he wears a member's only jacket and makes out with Andy Samberg .

10:00 pm McCain is not Miss Congeniality. Not opposed to jewelry. JESUS CHRIST is this how we honor fucking soldiers? With rubber wrapped around our limp limbs??? If that were the case then my high school boyfriend should be made secretary of state. HEY-O! Rubber bracelets make for purple fingers, not purple hearts, fellas.

9:56 Intermarrying between the Pakistanis and the Pockostanis is the real problem here people. General surge in mispronunciation clusterfuck. update: TOLLYBON!

9:50 pm: 50 mins in and the first mention of Afghanistan. Sad to be a solider these days. Republicans, all three of you who read this site, you must admit that you're getting whipped. Not because Obama's killin' it. He's doing totally decent. But your boy John is slipping and unfocused. Piss poor job. Saying we're winning and we just need more time sounds like a gambler down to his last hundred bones begging for a loan so he can finish out this hot streak that's bound to come back.

9:43 pm Iraq. Obama is just handling this pure high school debate style: numbers, stats, few platitudes, prepared statements. McCain keeps trying to open this up for vagueness to blur Obama's crystal clear rhetoric. He also has the patenetted Bush "Heh Heh" when he's uncomfortable. The smile is holding back McCain's slow burning rage so POORLY.

9:32 pm: Google for government! Music to my millennial ears! I'm not sure how that works but it will look good on my facebook status bar "Natasha is Googling the government, kthnxbai". Obama knows how to reach out and make me twitter. There's been a lot of talk about new cars as well. Until you fuckers tell me how you're going to fund Personal Jetpack research, I'm writing in Kucinich.

9:24 pm Running tally of McCain self-effacing jokes: not congenial, not a lady, has old writing utensils, has hearing problems. Jim Leher is acting more like a marriage counselor than a damn moderator.

9:20 pmMcCain says earmarks are the problem. Obama says that's its federal policies that aren't investing in a middle class safety net. Obama is on the attack. mmmm delicious. Obama is actually looking us in the eye. Mccain seems afraid of the camera stealing his soul.

9:04 First Question: Where you guys at on this whole Economy thing? Winner: Obama
Memorized and Clear. Transparency , accountability, and loans to failing business not just Wallstreet. McCain can't stay on topic. The old feller's tired, telling old stories from the Eisenhower days. This is not inspiring leadership. McCain is just full of platitudes, where's the policy?

8:51 Pizza guy just came, thank god. Almost that it was Putin rearing his head.

8:45 Don't get the whole economic downfall thing? No worries! Debates aren't about that. They're about watching "how the contenders look next to their opponents, how they react when challenged, how well or poorly they come up with the words we later see in print." Ah! The Atlantic, it's informed so you don't have to be!

8:35: Huckabee says the campaign suspension was a "huge mistake." Awww you guys, I wish Huckabee was around tonight! Crazy bastard.

8:30 OOoo! This is like the Oscar pre-show except the red carpet has none of the hot celebs and all of the wonky, pale, awkward science and tech geeks who get cut out of the ceremony. But if you blur your eyes Chris Matthews does kinda look like Ellen DeGeneres We'll let's prepare! First, we need booze. Why? Because the more you drink the funnier I am. Here's a fun debate drinking game! Now that you're all loose and liquored up, have you seen the footage of Sarah Palin's one piece beauty contest strut? Quick! Before some intern takes it off of The You Tube! Also, John McCain's mom wants you to give him an A in the debate tonight and let him get out of gym class. Woooo! My tolerance for bullshit and alcohol is at an all time low! LET'S DO THIS, AMERICA!

Comments

[Vere15]

Agree 100% with the text of the article as I have said elsewhere.

Yes a picture is worth a 1000 words - thanks for the nice blend between truth and entertainment

[OpusIsUnderTheBed]

This actually, is a pretty entertaining pre-election. Even kinda fun, if it weren't so doggone important. Crucial even, because Georgie took the family new car out for eight years, and now it sure isn't the same car.

Is it me, or are our elections decided by that sliver of voting public ,just above the vast herd who don't bother to give a .........?

So, as crucial as this one is for us, for the nation, for our safety, for the children's futures, I address this plea to the fatal sliver of voters who always decide these things.

You're going to arrive at the voting place with attitudes, opinions, misconceptions, false information, prejudices, even anger. i want you to take deep, slow breaths, settle yourself, find a moment's peace. Then enter the booth and......

Vote for the smart guy. Vote for the smart guy. Vote for the smart guy. Vote for the smart guy. Vote for the smart guy. Vote for the smart guy!

Thank you.

[LiarLiarIraqsOnFire]

Kucinich isn't FOR Jet-Paks: high greenhouse gas emissions. Sorry.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hey Mr. TollyBon Tolly me Banana
Your 12 month tour done, but you No Come Home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Moose Wears Wal-Mart, and sleeps with her husband's business partner and breaking up his marriage. Ahhh Family Values.

[ruyen]

*Damn* you're awesome Natasha!
Funniest (because it's true!) debate blog I've read. Great work with the images too.

[timezone]

As a Boomer who has seen a lot of presidential debates, this was the first debate I've seen that sooo seemed like Old Guard vs. New Guard. Obama answered and corrected McCain when McCain questioned Obama's positions or history, where McCain just seemed to steer the topic away when Obama questioned him. Obama: more detailed in his answers, McCain: used cliched phrasing.

[mommadona]

As you listen to McCain talking about Russia:

He is the President of the International Republican Institute
http://www.iri.org/board.asp

Read their mission statement.

[Sparty1]

I told my friends to drink whenever JMac said 'my friends'. Since he only said that once, we had to change up. Every time he gave a bull$hit answer, we drank. Good thing that we don't have to go to work tomorrow!

[Diogenis]

Yep....we took your advice and drank! Whenever it was a mention of Russia..we downed Russian Vodka.

[BeauMonde]

Obama needs to grow a pair.

McCain is acting like his daddy.

[Sparty1]

You must be taking the 'every time JMac screws up' shots. I think you're drunk!!!!!

[barkanomics]

After eight years of watching a president who had such big ones he could hardly walk, I am so glad to listen to a dignified gentleman who knows how to be diplomatic! Eight years of snears, insults, contempt, ridicule is just about all I can take. Obama did a a beautiful job tonight. My question is, "Does America deserve Obama?" McCain was acting like an ass.

[Diogenis]

No. Mac wanted to say.."hey, look punk, you are young and know nothing." "I am old and know everything!"