Unless there's some terrorist attack or legions of the undead rise from their graves, I seriously doubt John McCain is going to win the election. He's such a pathetically weak candidate with such an abysmal campaign, Obama feels like a sure shot.
HOWEVER. He won't be if these assholes don't keep their damn mouths shut:
Here are the people who are a bigger threat to Obama's political capital than is John McCain: (Mind you this isn't some type of sociological class study on voters, Nascar-Dads, Security-Moms, Or Angry-White-Male-Pornographers. This a pure gut instinct.)
1. Tyra Banks -- She dressed up as Michelle Obama in Harper's. Michelle is an accomplished woman who can put together a coherent sentence and doesn't need to strap on a fat suit to be proactive. Tyra slapping on a flip wig and a pearl necklace is embarrassing to every one involved. It borders on grotesque. Michelle has already struggled with being taken seriously, Tyra doesn't help. Tyra is the anti-hope. She makes me feel empty inside.
2. The Idealistic Kids -- Answer this dilemma posed by Radar Online editor Alex Balk: "Who's more annoying: the idealistic kids who think Barack Obama will bring us into a brave new world of transparency and change, or the hardened adults who think they're speaking truth to power when they remind you that Barack Obama is just as cozy with corporate interests as anyone else who's ever been in the position to be elected president?" My answer is the kids, because they'll be too busy playing Rock Band and massaging their thumbs with their assholes to actually vote.
3. All of Europe -- Sit down Europe, let's talk.
I know it's kind of weird that you guys were once The Empire and now We are (until China makes its move). It seems you guys still have that compulsory impulse to uh, get up in our shit. It's super cool that y'all were the cradle for modern civilization and hate George Bush. But um, can you guys tone it down a bit? Your crazy ass rallies and eerily authoritarian poster art is kind of spooking out the folks in Tallahassee. We promise we'll keep going to your super enlightened continent, convert out weak-ass dollar into Euros, makeout with German boys in techno clubs, and call our boyfriends to confess the whole thing in some absinthe-fueled soul purging if you guys will just, um, shut the fuck up.
4. Jesus Christ -- Stop comparing Obama to The Messiah. When was the last time you accepted leadership from a dude in open-toed shoes and shoulder length hair?
5. "Friends on the Left" -- Moveon.org got former heart throb/future Surreal Life star Rider Strong and some other chick to make an ad endorsing Obama. The Nation put out a sniveling letter signed by all the lefty trolls saying that Obama is super cool BUT if he wants to make all the ashen-face pacifists and sleepy-eyed socialists happy -- I mean, who doesn't? -- then he better create a single-payer healthcare plan, mandate rehab instead of prison time for drug users, eliminate racial inequality, and whole other host of soft-boiled fairytale policy prescriptions. I personally would do all in my power to offend and defy every single person on that list. So I can only imagine what some swing voter would think if they thumbed through the musty pages of The Nation -- Oh, wait! No one actually reads The Nation!
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I love you all: Europe, Jesus, the Kids -- not Tyra though, FUCK. TYRA -- and we know you guys all love Obama and will/would vote for him. But why don't y'all chill out, buy some new iPhone applications and let Obama meet the rest of America on they're own terms. Cool? Ok. *fist bump*
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Best line-- F**k Tyra.
I completely agree.
This was deep....
Can't compute-
You lost me after Tyra ...
me too - lol
Cute and funny - EXCEPT Point #4 doesn't hold up. It's clear from the link that McCain and his mob are the ones calling Barack "Messiah" and dog-whistling Fundies with intimations of "The Anti-Christ." So that category isn't "more damaging than McCain" - it IS McCain, et. al.
Double that for Ludicrous (sic). Musicians who want to make anthems to Obama should take a page out of Will.i.am's book.
Why dont they all just get up and do parodies on McCain and his cohorts and wife in an unflatterin smug way on purpose to equalize the antics they have been carrying out against Obama?
But this writer is correct.
especially the fractured, ever demanding, one track idealists on the far left of the Dem party that will seriously campaign against any dem if they dont encompass their single minded controversial agendas.
The Repubs are always more united because they only want one thing... money.
done.
No, the Repubs are always united because they don't whine about the extremists in their midst. They don't sell out the conservative base that put them where they are. They would NEVER vote for the Democratic equivalent of FISA.
You all seem to think we should elect some one who will spend the next four years trying to "compromise" and be "bi-partisan."
You may not like what Bush & company accomplished in the last eight years (I certainly don't!), but the fact is, they accomplished it! They didn't hesitate when they had a one-vote majority, they didn't bargain for Democratic support, or try to unite the country: THEY DID WHAT THEY RAN FOR OFFICE TO DO!
It would take a hundred years of unbroken Democratic rule of the kind we've had recently to undo what they've done in eight. It looked like Obama might at least TRY to push it along a little faster, but I've kinda lost faith since he voted to end the Fourth Amendment, etc.
- "...Repubs...united...they don't whine about the extremists..."
They're always united because they primarily believe in "Party before Country". They'll stick with their own, despite evidence of wrongdoing or illogical thinking, no matter what. Some find that admirable; I find that disingenuous / loathsome [the need to follow some cult/sect mentality]. They remember Reagan's 11th commandment "Thou shall not speak ill against a fellow Republican".
They don't whine about "their" extremists because they privately believe in what they say/do (!)
- "...NEVER vote for the Democratic equivalent of FISA."
I don't agree with the "retroactive immunity" aspect of FISA; but understand the need to compromise -- "sometimes".
- "...elect some one...trying to "compromise" and be "bi-partisan."
I know it's naive to say, but I thought that was how things were SUPPOSED to be done in Politics (!?!). People make compromises to reach agreements acceptable to ALL parties involved (!?!)
- "...They didn't... try to unite the country"
Yes, they did NOT try to "unite the country" (despite GWB's "I'm a Uniter -- not a divider"); because, they care about PARTY -- NOT Country..!!!
- "THEY DID WHAT THEY RAN...TO DO!"
GWB -- to restore "Honor and Integrity" to the WH. An Administration mired in corruption / scandals does NOT show Integrity..!
- "...a hundred years... to undo what they've done..."
It took less than 20 years to get things "semi-balanced" from the Reagan deficit years (maybe 50 to fix GWB's messes?)
Sure, but...guess what? You gotta get elected first! And, that's the rationale of the article. 'Don't squelch what otherwise seems to be a pretty sure bet.'
Another person who needs to shut up already is Scarlett Johansson. The more she talks, the more she makes it look as if she and Obama were having an email relationship that the press found out about and now she is sooo embarrassed because nothing happened. Shut up and go live out your 15 minutes taking about your engagement and what dress you will wear to your wedding.
I completely agree about Tyra. What in heaven's name was she thinking? Does she want to jinx Obama or what? Hey Tyra, go do your own Color Purple or something and leave the Obama's alone. With friends like you, who needs enemies?
Funny article! I disagree with some of it--I love that Europeans love Barack. And what's wrong with idealistic kids?! Also the "holy" picture is of St. Francis, not Jesus. (A bad mistake---if you're going to dis saints and saviours, you better get your facts strait at lease!).
However, yes to your comments about Tyra. It could be said "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" At least Oprah has faded into the background.
"Michelle has already struggled with being taken seriously"...just like many women. She's one of us.
Speak the truth sistah.
Tyra, plzzzzzz zzz...... She came through the birth canal screaming, "Alright, Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close up". She's always looking to cash in on a photo-op.
As you, I wish they would just shut the F*up.
Thank you.....thank you....thank you!
Dang Natasha. Frustrated much? LOL
I totally feel you on the extras...but in fairness, they shouldn't keep their mouths shut. We all have arrived to a special time in history and must each express ourselves in our own manner. I've stopped worrying about every little thing that could go wrong.
I'm a believer and if it's meant to be, divine or God's will, B a r a c k will be our next Prez. If not, we will go on living, however depressed we are initially. But it really doesn't do us any good to get our pressure up stressing over what we can't control.
Barack will only make it to the presidency based on the Grace and or will of God. He has been abandoned by so many politicians (CBC) before the race started and now he has to deal with the Ludocrises (what a name-lyrics/core values) and Tyra Banks of the world as he moves toward the goal post.. I must add the Judas known as Bob Johnson (BET fame) who sold the black community down the river with the filth that Ludicris represents and model Tyra Banks embodies.
Keep your chin up Barack I like how you do what you do!
Good stuff Natasha. I cannot agree more with your assessment of Tyra Banks.
keep drinking the koolaide.
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Posted August 6, 2008 | 12:21 PM (EST)