07/20/2012 01:26 pm ET | Updated Sep 19, 2012

Westboro Baptist Church Prophecy: Obama Out This Saturday!

I spend a lot of time writing and talking about my life in the Westboro Baptist Church. As part of that I stay updated on their activity and try to provide my unique perspective of the things they say and do. To that end, I came across a YouTube video back in January of 2009.

Let me pause here and give you some back story for context. One of the affects of a theology like my father's is this tendency to dive deeper into the notion that we were a unique people in the world. If we, among all men, are chosen by God, there must be evidence in our lives, fruit if you will. So my father was always looking for fruit. But the fruit had to be unique to us to justify our dismissal of all other forms of fruit. Fred would spend hours, his fingers sliding lovingly over the pages of the Bible, sussing out evidence and justification.

Some of the conclusions he's toyed with over the years:
  • Christ would return in his lifetime (As I recall it was a broad window of 25 years either side of the year 2000)
  • He would likely never actually die, but would be taken up into heaven like the Old Testament prophets Enoch and Elijah.
  • More recently their rhetoric suggests a belief that ANY death is the judgement of God ergo if any of them die they were not really one of the elect. The implication being that now all of them hold on to the hope that they will be taken up into heaven when Christ returns. Likely the only ones on earth who will be raptured.
So, as I've often said recently, they appear to be entertaining some kind of end-game scenario. Louis Theroux's second documentary on my family, "America's Most Hated Family In Crisis," features some odd and disturbing discussion about someone having a dream about them ending up living in pink caves in Jordon (The Valley of Moses). Another video featuring my sister Margie has her worrying over the consequences of the Supreme Courts ruling in the Snyder vs. Phelps case. Fearfully, she imagines that the whole church will be forced to flee the United States and take up residence some where in the Middle East where they complete their task of helping to call out 144,000 Jews from the 12 tribes of Israel, a necessary prerequisite to the return of Christ. Where is all of this going? Harken back to the YouTube video I mentioned) Between 4:45 and 6:45 my sister Shirley is interviewed at President Obama's inauguration. Two specific "prophecies" she makes are that:
  1. Obama is the Anti-Christ (Nothing new here, they've been declaring that with their words and signs now for several years), and
  2. He is only given 42 months.
What does that mean? Well in the Book of Revelation, (where so much of the doomsday language of Christianity is found) Chapter 13, we find this (forgive me for the long quote, I find the language of King James fascinating):

1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy. 2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority. 3 And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast. 4 And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him? 5 And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.

If you work the math out in your head that means that some kind of divine intervention will occur this Saturday that removes Obama from power. This from the wellspring of biblical truth on the earth today.

So why would I bother writing about this? While most of the world watches them like they watch a train wreck, fascinated by the unique horror of it all, I hear from so many people who hear their nonsense and attach it to preexisting ideas in their own heads leaving them confused and terrified. I feel a strong need to demonstrate to them that my family's dogma is false. There is also a part of me that holds on to hope that somehow some of them can escape the madness of that place. If me publicly poking at them, pointing out their hypocrisy and error, can possibly bring some to their senses, I'm willing to do it.

There it is folks. Forget about the puny Mayans, the Great and Powerful Oz ... err ... WBC has spoken. Abandon hope, sell your possessions. Better yet, leave your possessions (in my name please), run to the mountains and hide in the caves.

It makes you wonder how many more of these silly predictions will we have to endure before humanity finally grows up and out of their superstitions.