I'm From Driftwood is a 501(c)(3) non-profit forum for true lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) stories. The first full week in February, to commemorate Black History Month, every story will be from a member of the black LGBTQ community. These stories will reinforce the fact that there are black people in the LGBTQ people, and that there are also LGBTQ people in the black community.
Shara Dae, of Philadelphia, Penn., was always quite aware that she was gay. She was out to a few friends and at school, but she never had a girlfriend.
In the meantime I needed to get strength, and power, and courage up. Conveniently, I was looking through the Daily News and they had a little spec about the Attic being hosted or created by Carrie Jacobs at the time.
Upon arrival at the event in Center City, there were only four other kids roughly her age, around 14 or 15 years old.
Everything was so quiet. It's like everyone's going to hear me. Everyone's going to hear me, my name. What am I going to say?
Carrie immediately asked Shara, "How do you identify?"
I went, "Uhh, what does that mean? Identify? My name?" She said, "No, how do you identify? Are you gay, lesbian, bisexual?" ... And I kinda whispered "lesbian." And I don't know why the word was harder to say than "gay," but it was a lot harder to say than "gay" or "bisexual." So I said, "Lesbian, gay." And she just kneeled, she knelt by me very carefully and very gently just said, "It's good to have pride in what you are. And when you say it, maybe, you know, project a little bit more. Feel it. Feel pride in it."
Shara reflected upon the advice as she went home after the meeting. That night, she went to see Alice, the girl who would possibly become her girlfriend. They decided to pull away into a secluded corner away from Alice's parents so that they wouldn't hear the conversation.
I had my courage up, and I felt a part of the community. And I thought, you know, I'm a part of the gay community, I'm feeling stronger about who I am, and and I'm going to open up and offer this to her, as well, and maybe this is something we can do together.
In that moment, they were comfortable, and managed to profess their love for each other. Shara told Alice that she thought she was bisexual, but she's actually gay. At that point, her mother had approached, and heard everything the couple said to each other without the two of them knowing.
She decided after that that I was a gay threat of some sort. I was the gay agenda that had now co-opted her daughter.
Shara had no idea about this. She was too busy being excited about what she and Alice would now do as a couple. When she got home, she got a random call from her neighbor, who was a mutual friend.
She said, "You have to get over here. Everyone's here. The whole neighborhood's in the kitchen talking about how you told Alice that you were gay and that you wanted to be her girlfriend." So the whole neighborhood was there, in the kitchen. And I was infuriated. I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared. I was absolutely infuriated because I felt as though my rights had been, you know, trampled upon. They were absolutely encroached by people who didn't know me.
Shara responded to being outed so inappropriately by taking it in stride, taking Carrie's words to heart and using that courage to properly come out and own her identity in front of her entire neighborhood.
I asked them to look at me, look at who I am, and let them know that they should be ashamed of themselves... I am a lesbian. And I am a proud lesbian. And in that moment, I realized being able to say that out loud, being able to say it with pride and conviction and strength, and with a smile on my face... I remember walking away and feeling as though I empowered myself, but I also took away their ability to weaken me by defining who I was.
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Is Pride often campy, full of stereotypes,etc? Sure it is. But it gives us hope, a chance to celebrate ourselves among people like ourselves, builds a sense of community, and yes, PRIDE in who we are, and tells the world that they will not keep us down for being who we are. Furthermore, as we mainstream and straightwash, we stand to lose our culture, which would be truly sad.
It does not make sense. There is no reason to "proud" of something that one has no control over (allegedly; the people who engage in "pride" would support this argument). What is the point? And why even bother?
This is not to claim that one should be ashamed of his or her sexuality. Acceptance is probably a better state than "pride." Unless of course one is using "pride" as a synonym for hubris.
There needs to be a discussion of "gay" identity politics that actually looks at how the "gay" identity is working to really destroy individuality and push homogeneity amongst homo- and other sexual persons.
It takes Pride, in an often hostile world, to stand up and live an open and authentic life. It is also a time to remember those who went before us, who risked themselves, their safety and their liberty, to stand up for what is right. The first Pride events followed the riot at Stonewall Inn. Look it up to understand because I have no interest in explaining history to someone who thinks they can cheap shot.
And you know what else? It is a celebration. It is that moment in an LGBT person's life when they can look around themselves and know that everyone around them gets it, they know what it is like. Being in a minority group, and often feeling invisible, this can be an intensely powerful thing to experience.
As a gay man, I would love nothing more than to just be a man (who happens to love other men), but with politics running the way they are, I can't stand by and watch as I, and people like me, get dehumanized by the government.
I think that is more my point. And it is what is really ignored.
The supposed "gay" "community" (which is at best a collection of different subgroups with a base commonality of non-heterosexuality) is not a homogeneous group. It does not even act like lone. GLBTQIA is an ever growing acronym that does not function as a group. It is more GL using the BTQIA to further their own goals while ignoring the different problems that exist for BTQI. GL would claim that "their" problems are not "our" concerns (and they do; do a bit of reading on the subject).
That is why I really do not understand this. Destroying oneself in an attempt to create some false community is not a real defense against supposed aggressors from outside of the walls of ones community.