What It's Like To Watch FOX News For 24 Straight Hours

Because I am a decent, thinking person, I despise FOX News. I believe I have good reason to do this. And yet, because I'm a bleeding-heart liberal who likes to have the facts before spewing prejudices, I feel duty-bound to give FOX a chance. So I'm going to watch 24 straight hours of FOX.

I know what you are thinking. "He is a madman!" you say. "He'll make his eyes fall out and his ears bleed!" Perhaps. But I have convinced myself that it will be worth it, if only so I can count the number of times Brit Hume's jowls bob up and down over the course of a broadcast.

I have decided to commence my torture at 9p.m. I've been deliberately waiting until after The O'Reilly Factor. I'm not sure that I can take that kind of horror straight off. I need to build up to it, like trying to boil a frog. I'll watch Bill tomorrow. For now, I'll ease into it with some less unpleasant FOX programming.

What I'd forgotten is that Hannity & Colmes is the 9p.m. program.

I think I'm ready for some punishment, though. I settle in, turn up the volume, and eagerly await the Dynamic Duo's adorable interplay.

Tonight's big news is Jesse Jackson saying he'd like to cut Barack Obama's nuts off. I picked an exciting news cycle to tune in to.

Newt Gingrich is tonight's first guest. He accuses Jesse Jackson of resenting Barack Obama's getting the nomination, as if somehow Jesse was in the running. Much gleeful Jackson-bashing is done.

But the interview takes an unexpected turn as it covers other subjects. At one point, Gingrich actually disagrees with Sean Hannity, going so far as to say that Hannity has uttered "the least Reagan-like quote I've ever heard you speak in your career." Everything is measured in units of Reagans. Nevertheless, the interview ends amicably.

The next guest is Juan Williams, who discusses the black "culture of victimization." He says Jackson is just upset with Obama for "not standing with all black Americans being contrarian and opposing everything." The interview ends like this:

HANNITY: Can you name one hard decision that Barack Obama has made and stuck to?

WILLIAMS: Wow. You know, for me, I think it's not a matter of that for him right now. I can't name it for you, so I guess I give up.

COLMES: (meekly) I have an answer.

Colmes is ignored. Williams suggests that "ending tax cuts" might be one issue where Obama is consistent. The segment ends.

So far, it's just as painful as I expected. Alan Colmes is predictably pathetic, and Sean Hannity is every football jock I ever hated in high school. I wonder what Hannity and Colmes are like together off the set. I don't think Hannity returns Colmes' phone calls.

With that, Hannity and Colmes is over, and I can breathe easy knowing that I only have 23 hours of FOX left.

Greta Van Susteren is up next. The theme of tonight's show is...Jesse Jackson!

Jackson comes on the show to explain the context behind "I want to cut Barack Obama's nuts off." After some questions on the topic, Greta asks the bizarrely SAT-like question "Do you admire Senator John McCain? And if so, why?"

After the interview, Susteren gives the result of her evening poll:

Will Jesse Jackson's comments change your vote either way?

54% YES
46% NO

I have no idea what the results of this poll mean. I don't think they actually mean anything.

The rest of the broadcast consists of Gene Simmons talking about his new book on prostitution, a discussion of the JonBenet Ramsey case (which occurred in 1996, I might add), and a whole bunch of sleazy gossip about somebody named Christie Brinkley (I don't know who this is. Should I?)

It really does seem as if the "trashy" bias of the network far outweighs the "conservative" bias.

Political news represents a minority of FOX's coverage , and it actually seems like a smaller percentage here than on CNN and MSNBC, who love to deluge us with "Race To The White House" pieces. So most of the news doesn't get explicitly political treatment. It's just, well, sleazy. For example, FOX runs a story about how the economic downturn has hit unexpected sectors...in this case, strip clubs. So they show background graphics of pole dancers doing their thing, and bring a stripper on to interview about her financial situation. It's sort of like having Jerry Springer host CNBC.

Greta Van Susteren ends, and passes it over to...Bill O'Reilly! What?! I had forgotten that The O'Reilly Factor repeats at 11. I can't watch this. Not yet. I switch over to MSNBC, in the faint hope that maybe Rachel Maddow will be on. She always restores my faith in people.

No such luck. It's To Catch A Predator, a more sensationalistic and exploitative show than anything even FOX has on. It looks like I'll be stuck with O'Reilly.

I had thought that eventually I would be numbed to the sensory assault of the channel. But you don't get used to it. It just drives you nuts. It's like your television is trying to attack you. You can turn on most other channels and just zone out, letting the gentle buzz of the TV wash over you.

But not with FOX. FOX screams at you, and won't let you turn your mind down a notch. Everything is angry, bright, and in-your-face.

O'Reilly is expectedly pompous and bullying. To Dr. Michael Eric Dyson, he says condescending things like "as an academic, you can appreciate me correcting you." When Geraldo Rivera objects to O'Reilly's categorization of La Raza as a radical organization, O'Reilly tells him "Nobody cares whether you object, not even your wife and children." He also uses the words "load of crap," "stupid," and "scum" a lot. "Far-left" is his favorite insult. Who let Archie Bunker have a news show?

He also makes sure we know that he is a maverick, free-thinking independent, and not a conservative. "I'm tired of The Washington Post putting the word 'conservative' in front of my name," he complains.

After O'Reilly's show, we have a repeat of Hannity & Colmes, followed by Greta Van Susteren again! It's amazing how much recycling there seems to be. Bill O'Reilly's show is repeated for a third time in the early morning hours.

Somewhere in the night, I fall asleep. Since the TV is on, it infiltrates my subconscious, and I have FOXy nightmares for a number of hours. By the time I awake, it is morning. As I slowly rouse myself, the first words I hear are of a Blonde FOX Lady saying this:

"It's hard to talk about climate change without talking about compact fluorescent lightbulbs, soon to be forced on you by the government. But could they KILL you?"

It was not shaping up to be a good day.

The morning chatterbox people were predictably empty-headed. "A 2nd African American could soon be running for President," referring to Cynthia McKinney's Green Party candidacy. To accompany the story, FOX put up the most deranged-looking photo of Rep. McKinney it could find, prompting the always-classy Bill Hemmer to remark "What is THAT?"

Nothing much in the rest of the day was that interesting. Wildfires, a missing pregnant marine, and Jesse Jackson were the big stories. There is an interview with a couple who is selling the naming rights to their unborn child for gas money. A further investigation into why lightbulbs will kill us all. I glance at the news ticker for the first and only time. It says "Number killed in the 9/11 attacks is now 2,975." Yes, apparently September 11th is still happening.

I start to count the number of different Blonde FOX Ladies. I soon find this to be an impossible task. They cannot be distinguished. Then there's more news about wildfires, a repeat of the lightbulbs-will-kill-you report, and a story on a suspicious package found at a mall.

After about six continuous hours of this, I can no longer deal with it. I break my pledge, I go out for a sandwich. The sense of relief is tremendous. It feels good to breathe the air once more, to be back in reality. The worst thing about FOX is not its bias, but the "panic mode" that it seems to live in. Everything is a catastrophe. Immigrants will get you. Lightbulbs will get you. Wildfires will get you. Jesse Jackson will cut your nuts off.

Greta Van Susteren introduced one of her news stories this way: "It's real, it's terrifying. All the horrible details coming up next." And I think that captures the FOX philosophy fairly well. The message of the network seems to be "It's a scary world out there. You're going to need a gun and some deep-seated prejudice if you're going to make it out alive."

Of course, all networks do this. FOX may be the worst offender, but it's certainly not alone. MSNBC has taken to airing the aforementioned sex-offender show, as well as a whole slew of "inside prison" documentaries, which show just how scary life can be among Terrifying Criminals.
My journey comes to an end at 9p.m., after another riveting episode of The O'Reilly Factor (tonight's theme: Jesse Jackson!). As I flip off the television and return to my life, I realize how grateful I am not to live in the FOX mindset. It's a world where love is replaced by fear, and flashing colors and loud noises stand in for open, honest discussions. It's a crazy-mixed up land of deceit, terror, and sleaze.

John Oliver once watched FOX for eight hours, and said afterward that "I may have lost something deep down in my soul." I did 22 (if you discount my sandwich break), and while I think I escaped with my soul intact, I'm not sure I'll ever be quite the same. But at least I've still got my nuts intact.

Comments

[Outsideadog]

It's shocking, venal, vindicative, vile (lots of words starting with 'v' basically), but it's also at the core of what Hillary Clinton's campaign slogan referred to...'taking America back' (incorporated into Obama '08 if Dems get it together). The rest of the world may well ask 'please take America back for our sakes too'.

I'd remembered a photo I saw in a Brett Baier sycophantic 'documentary' on the legacy of George W. Bush in which Sean Hannity was sitting in the Oval Office with the President. It summed up the sleazy, scary, scheming aspects all at once...Sean Hannity being the assertive, banal, dangerous pea-brain that he is. I managed to find the photo, but better still, found a NY Times article that exposes the strategy pretty succinctly. Also ties in with that 'military experts' strategy story a few months back, but never reported on Fox. I don't think the name Abramoff has ever been uttered on Fox either.

Here's the article and photo from late 2006:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/17/us/politics/17radio.html?scp=1&sq=%27talk+radio+wavers%27&st=nyt

Propaganda: 'organised scheme for propagation of doctrine or practice' [propagation + agenda]

[swift goat pet for truth]

30% of the US population actually like living in Fear.

We have polls to prove it.

[ProfessorDuh]

Britt's 14 Elements of a Fascist State:
No. 6 - A controlled mass media.
Bush and the Republicans have waged a long campaign against journalism — denouncing it, infiltrating it, faking it, extorting it, distorting it, planting prostitutes in it and telling every manner of lie about it.
Spring-boarding off right-wing radio ranting, in 1996 a propaganda TV news channel, Fox News, became the Pravda of the Bush White House.
Even Bush Press Secretary Scott McClellan admitted that corporate media reporters had willingly rolled over for the Bush lies that caused war.
The rescue of Private Jessica, the “enemy attack” slaying of Pat Tillman, the fall of Saddam’s statue, the WDMs — all were lies planted by the Bush administration.
To fake news, they added fake journalists. They bribed columnists. Local TV stations aired propaganda generated by Bush PR hacks, pretending it had been prepared by real reporters.
The $200-an-hour male prostitute named “Jeff Gannon,” a/k/a James Guckert, was able to get daily access to the White House press briefings for two years while working for a hack right-wing “news service.” And this is what conservatives continue to call the “liberal news media,” while laughing up their sleeves.
“One could argue that the entire conservative media project is predicated on smashing journalistic autonomy and having a feeble journalism that kowtows not only to the interests of media owners and advertisers, but the wealthy and powerful in general,” author Robert W. McChesney observed.

[noamjunior]

serves you right for watching that crap- for anyone out there that wants to get the same effect without wasting a day- I reccomend "OUTFOXED"- an excellent documentary on the facist propaganda network that calls itself Fox News

[lennix]

fox is something thst is out of the movies war house fore closers job loss and what fox is talking about nuts i am glade you excape with your mind still in tack mr.robinson and the sad part is msmbc cnn is heading down the same path

[surfcitysteven]

The best 24 hours to do this will be on election day at noon. The last time I did this, I got to see Brit Hume have a maalox moment as the results came in as it became clear that the dems were taking over the house and the senate. They won't be so arrogant that day.

[zizyphus]

That was dangerous work you did, Nathan.

Even with the volume turned all the way down, the contagion can still be felt. The venom oozes through the TV and coats everything in the room. Seek immediate medical help, and please contact your doctor if side effects persist. (Side effects include mindlessly repeating neocon talking points, obsession with murders of white girls, and the sex lives of other people.)

[Bluedog12]

Nathan you could have just visited your local psychiatric ward and got a similar take on news and current events from an anonymous lunatic. Plus you wouldn’t have been subjected to the mental cavity search imposed on faux viewers.

[cminri]

We deleted Fox from all of our tv remotes long ago. Our lives have been much richer ever since....

[jurassicpork]

Dude, don't! You're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you! This is what Newshounds is for!

JP
welcomebac­ktopotters­villedotbl­ogspotdotc­om/

[4wehttam]

Poor Nathan, you should have relied on Newshounds. THEY WATCH FOX SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!!

Now your going to require at least a couple of sessions of rehab to cleanse yourself.

[goofticket]

Gretta's father was Joe McCarthy's campaign manager and she grew up sitting on McCarthy's lap.
Fox has no reporters, of any real quality.
The writers are even of lesser value. Interns run the chyron, they do the research and nobody at Fox, bothers to fact check anything.
Roger Ailes and Murdoch, are an embarassment to human thinking, because they refuse to.

Fox, is going to kill itself this year. Voters are made, and more people are active in this election, than anytime in history. The facts will come out, via the web, and the national media that accepts and airs the facts, will succeed. Those that choose to blindly follow, with false claims, like Fox will find advertisers leaving. Fox already has.
Have you seen more ads for the walk-in bathtub, or ads for fuel efficient GM cars on Fox?
Gretta would have you drive what Joe McCarthy did....her dad's car.

[TomR]

I think most of the corporate news media has largely gone downhill. Facts and objectivity have been replaced by talking head assertions and opinion. The role Fox News plays is to keep their viewers in a state of shock and awe, so they stay pliable and absorb their rightwing talking points.

Fear inhibits critical thinking, infantilizes viewers, and shocks them into obedience. They become more inclined to follow leaders who claim to protect us. Fox News promotes phobias in its viewers (i.e. fear of light bulbs) to introduce regression in their personalities. The CIA uses these same techniques to break down prisoners. The idea behind inducing fear, insecurity and psychological stress in Fox News viewers is to prevent them from ever relaxing and recovering from shock.

Unemployment is up and our gas prices have tripled and quadrupled under the Bush regime, making life more precarious for millions. The Shock Doctrine is used by radical free market profiteers because they've been unable to advance their agenda democratically.

Milton Friedman:
"Only a crisis actual or perceived produces real change."

- Tom

[SilviaMaria]

You are absolutely right. I could not have said any better.

Silvia

[JohnFromCensornati]

National Lampoon's Vacation.
The girl in the red Ferrari.

[WhitemoonG]

When you spend your whole life taking in stuff where the same basic slant underlies what is covered and ignored, and what is emphasized and de-emphasized,

it really must be an incredibly painful experience to actually endure hearing both sides of anything!

The nerve, to act like there's more than one way to view everything!

[Lenyon]

The promise that our democracy is safeguarded by the press has been shown to be a powerless paper tiger. FOX NEWS Journalalist / reporters don't mind regurgatating every outragous accusation about the "enemy" of today . Then they parade their "experts" to comment on the "news story".
The same supposed news story is not even mentioned on the main stream media. ABC/CBS /NBC.
I guess FOX would claim that its the liberal media that can't be trusted to give the watching and listeding public the truth. They get their experts (McCain's surrogates and political advisors)like Pat Buchannan, or Karl Rove, Phil Gramm to make an outragous statement, then FOX NEWS reports on this all day long on many different shows, Hannity, Gretta, O'Riley ,ect. The next day McCain makes some lame half-hearted statement distancing themselves from each other. Meanwhile FOX NEWS
has had a full day of mis-information on 3 or 4 programs repeatedly