Gay Marriage in Iowa? Come on, San Francisco!

As a San Franciscan, I am outraged that we've been out-gayed by Iowa and Vermont. Iowa! Iowa is all corn and no hole, for crying out loud. Take it in: the center of gay liberation is now Iowa. Not a huge surprise, as they elected Tom Vilsack Governor, and he has "sack" in his name. Vermont gayified via a gubernatorial veto over-ride, which is the legislative equivalent of the Iron Lotus from Blades of Glory. With Vermont surfing the lavender wave, perhaps the sequel to Milk will be Syrup?

We've been asleep at the wheel, San Francisco. I can't live with the shame. I was raised among gays. I'm the Tarzan of gays. I'm crunk for marriage equality even though I'm not gay, though I do own ramekins. My earliest memories are of attending what were called Gay Freedom Day Parades, before they were sponsored by AT&T and United Airlines.

I'm disappointed we let it come to this. Aren't we supposed to be the Gay Capital? I'm dreading the next issue of Jane, and right after the article about how to plan my Secure Lesbian Retirement, reading about how Halloween in the Castro has moved to Dubuque until further notice. Yikes. I may have to go to Vermont to campaign against gay marriage there, just so we can keep our mojo.

Let's focus, San Francisco! The way to reclaim our stature in the gayousie will be if we repeal Prop 8 at the ballot box, once and for all -- no courts, no inchoate boycotts of Utah, no Mormon-tax-exempt-status-revoking, and no gratuitous blaming of black people. We must unleash San Francisco Values in all their bedazzled glory on the unsuspecting California electorate to prove to ourselves, the nation and The Nation, that marriage equality can enjoy majority support. A decisive ballot triumph will force anti-gay marriage enthusiasts to find another parade to rain on or, if we're lucky, become ironic and retro, like hipsters who pretend to like bluegrass. In the immortal words Martin Luther King, Jr. probably stole from another dude, "The arc of history is long and blah blah blah."

On the other hand, every time we advance gay marriage through the judicial branch, it provokes yet another round of denunciations of "activist judges," right-wing mongering, and Rovian referenda gambits. For all the indignation about activist judges, I keep hoping to see California Chief Justice Ron George sporting an "I Gavel for Abortions" button or a tie-dyed hemp robe, but no such luck. Beating them at the ballot fair and square is the nail in the coffin of all that.

We'd just have to get over the smug satisfaction all liberals inherently derive from being ideologically pure yet socially marginal. It's hard to get too snotty about being countercultural when even obese evangelicals at an exurban Appelbee's are voting our way. We in San Francisco secretly like that gay marriage is illegal. It makes us edgy and subversive. But if it's going to be legal in Iowa then maybe gay marriage isn't cool anymore. Maybe it jumped the shark. Like how we all stop liking obscure rock bands when they "sell out" by making an "album" and selling their "t-shirts" at Hot Topic.

Winning such an election will be hard for us San Franciscans. For starters, we may have to wake up before 10am occasionally. We may need to fit persuading regular voters into our busy schedule of Burning Man decompression parties, Yelp, and sad documentaries.

If it's not worth it to win marriage equality, to unite to spite the right, it's definitely worth it to stop the insurgent Iowan and Vermontian hubris and salvage our street cred among freaks. To quote the distinguished political consultant Jon-Luc Picard: "The. Line. Must. Be. Drawn. Here!"

Nato Green is a San Francisco-based comedian.

Comments

[paulhogarth]

Iowa? That's the place where 17-year-old gay kids got kicked out of the house by their parents, so they take a Greyhound bus to San Francisco to arrive at the Gay Mecca ... only to be living on the streets.

I guess now they can go back to Iowa ... they can get married (unlike here), and it's cheaper to live there!

[Scaleburn]

I have to say, I understand the tongue-and -cheek of this, but I still have to say much of the rest of our country does love to talk smack about my beloved Iowa. It may be flat and a good share rural, but a majority of us are not backward hicks we are sometimes made out to be. Not saying Mr. Green is implying that and I enjoyed this piece, but we Iowans are getting a little too used to it and it can be a little disheartening.

[Nato Green - Huffpost Blogger]

Comrade Scaleburn, my missive was less about you than about us. San Francisco never has been what people think it is, nor California. For all the bisexual anarchist vegan caricature of us that we embrace with pride and Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly hurl with derision, we're all more complicated than that. We all have what Edward Said called the "irreducible heterogeneity of human existence," from the Castro to the Midwest to Palestine.

After all, California passed Prop 187 (anti-immigrant), Props 22 and 8 (banning gay marriage TWICE, which may be a record), Prop 227 (banning bilingual education), Prop 13 (permanently destroying our public education system), and Prop 21 (banning minority teenagers). Every crackpot right-wing notion can find a home here in California, and we are responsible for both Nixon and Reagan.

San Francisco indeed is home to freaks and hippies and homos, but is also home to Bechtel, The Gap, Wells Fargo, Charles Schwab, and Chevron. Captains of industry, see?

Since we don't fit our stereotypes of ourselves, I assume that you don't fit our stereotypes of you either, which is a place where people's idea of fresh vegetables is a recently-opened can and no one reads anything more highbrow than a Louis Lamour novel.

[WallyNut]

There is a new website dedicated to helping same-sex couples plan weddings in Iowa. It is www.gaymarriageiowa.org

[creepsinc]

Nato Green! It's been a long time. Haven't seen you since the Messenger Organizing War of the late 90s.
I still remember our drives to work.

-Chuck

[Nato Green - Huffpost Blogger]

Hey Chuck! Great to hear from you again.

I've been thinking about those days, as they were the last (dot com) economic boom and bust, and I liked that one better than this one.

[JenIA]

Iowa will always be mocked from both coasts but that's really okay because all of us here continue to live our lives--progressive ones at that--regardless of the names we get called. Think Iowans don't know how to get things done? Read on.

- In 1847, the University of Iowa became the first public university in the country to give women unfettered access to higher education.
- In 1868, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that segregated schools are a denial of equal protection of the laws. Brown vs. Board of Education, which did away with school segregation nationally, didn't come down until 1954.
- And in 1873, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled against racial discrimination in public accommodations. It would be almost 100 years before the U.S. Supreme Court would reach the same decision.

Iowans are a proud people who really could care less about what others say about us and certainly don't care about people trying to tell us what to do (the Clinton's really thought that they had all of our votes for the caucuses! oops...). The ruling that will allow same-sex marriage starting on April 27th is a testament to many who came before us to fight for equal rights in this state, long before the rest of the country came or comes around.

[SJBrown]

Less than 2% of Iowa's population was black until 1990's. It wasn't a first for civil rights for blacks either and it has a history of "black codes" and racism. It wasn't first for gay marriage and like California, the court decision addressed the whether a law was constitutional. Iowa can still change the constitution.

[Scaleburn]

As a native Iowan, and lover of history, I am not familiar with our "history of 'black codes'" though you are correct about our small population of blacks. Further, Jen is correct that Iowans tend to "Live and Let Live" mentality, though there are always deviants from the norm as in any place I suppose.

[Scaleburn]

Oh, and SJ, we can change our constitution, and I have heard calls for a Convention, though not based on the "marriage" issue, this process will be at the earliest 3 years away. I have a feeling, at least the hope that folks here will continue to support the rights of all our citizens.

[marignymitch]

You obviously didn't receive the memo, Mr Nato. San Francisco abandoned the future when it got bogged down in 1968. You go, Ioway!

[yuenzzzz]

I completely agree with you Nato, but it's not like Gavin Newsome isn't trying. Leave it to Vermont and Iowa to be the most progressive states in the nation, shame on us here in California for passing Prop 9. Whether you call it Gay Marriage or Civil Union, the basic premise is that every person should have equal rights. It’s good to see that some states are progressing, I made a list on my site of the states I think will legalize Gay Marriage first: http://www.toptentopten.com/topten/first+states+that+will+legalize+gay+marriage

[M1]

It is a true embarrassment. California not as progressive as Iowa. LOL

[BukowsKAI]

First Nato, Let me say that as a native Iowan, (and straight, not there is anything wrong with that, my apologies to Seinfeld), I am proud as hell to be from here! We have usually been very tolerant of others since the 1830's, especially our Supreme Court. As a minority, (my Dad was a Tuskeegee Airman, and my Mom is from Denmark), I have always have had many friends thoughout school and to this day. President Obama got his start here which should have shown some people that in some aspects we are ahead of the curve.

Having the Supreme Court rule as it did is a better outcome than if we had voted on it. The Court ruled that under the equal protection clause, marriage rights cannot be denied to segments of the populace that are extended to others. So even if the legislature tries to bring up an amendment to our Constitution to ban same sex marrriage, it would still be UNCONSTITUTIONAL! People cannot vote away rights for a minority group.

As an aside, I lived the dream today, Iowa's rep from the 5th district Steve King came into my shop today, and I was able to call him a piece of S*** to his face! How satisfying!!!!

People should come to Des Moines sometime, I think they would be very surprised!

[PhilipB]

Wow, WE should go to Des Moines!
People cannot vote away rights for a minority group.
Thank you SO MUCH!!!!
I so much appreciate that.
Thanks
Sincerely,
Philip B

[JenIA]

"As an aside, I lived the dream today, Iowa's rep from the 5th district Steve King came into my shop today, and I was able to call him a piece of S*** to his face! How satisfying!!!!"

LOVE it! Can you please do that for me the next time he comes into your shop??? But please call him a "f**king" piece of S** for me!!! LOL

[Nato Green - Huffpost Blogger]

If there's a theater you can fill, I'd be happy to come to Des Moines with the Laughter Against the Machine stand-up comedy tour, which consists of me, W. Kamau Bell, and Hari Kondabolu. It's guerrilla comedy--a righteous indignation tour.

But I'll still bring my own coffee.

[PlaceboStudman]

Pretty soon, Demoines (sp?) Iowa is going to start growing industrial hemp, and hopefully fields of legal marijuana crops, and that day, Demoines will have it's own Haight-Ashbury!

Oh, the humanity!

Well, there's still Ohio to rail against! (speaking as an Ohioan who sees no progress coming any time soon)

[JohnBisceglia]

"All corn and no hole"? - That IS precious. But this very common phrase bothers me - "If it's not worth it to win marriage equality...." - No shot here at you Nato, this is a gay-universal, but my attitude is more like:

I do not "win" my DUE civil rights. No discussion or debate here.
My FAMILY & CHILDREN's legal worth will NOT be a game where one side "wins".

The lack of an organized, nearly-violent riot (nearly) the minute PROP 8 became a ballot possibility is horrifying. We empowered and enabled the oppressors and abusers to use government to hurt us. We embraced victimhood. We trivialized our family's collective self-worth. Our DUE civil rights were an OPTION. Anyone else SICK to their stomach?

[Nato Green - Huffpost Blogger]

I disagree. Civil rights are won, not inherent or "due." This is because all rights emerge from their unique historical context. That's why today we're fighting for gay people to have the right to marry or to join the Marines and go kill shepherds, and not the right to be teachers or the right not to have homosexuality be designated as a mental illness.

Similarly, today unions are fighting for the Employee Free Choice Act, changing the terms under which workers may exercise an existing right to organize. A century ago, unions were trying to overcome being designated a criminal conspiracy.

More on this in my forthcoming scratch & sniff children's book, "Daddy, Where Do Rights Come From?"

[DoTheMath]

I have to admit that a lot of the references in this article are lost on me. However, as a northern Californian, a former San Franciscan, I must say it's about time someone publicly expressed some embarrassment about being out-San-Francisco-ed by Iowa. Now I've seen everything! http://www.friends-tv.org/zz211.html

[BeyondKen]

"All corn and no hole"?

I gather you've never been to Theatre Cedar Rapids.