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Neal Wooten
Neal Wooten grew up on a pig farm on Sand Mountain in the northeast corner of Alabama before being dragged kicking and screaming to the snow-infested plains of the American Midwest. He now resides in Milwaukee with his wife and three dogs.

He is a columnist for The Mountain Valley News, an author, artist, and a standup comedian. His work has appeared in several anthologies and magazines.

He is the author of Reternity, a sci-fi novel based on the Bible, which has won eight national awards and named to Kirkus Reviews Best of 2011. His new book, The Balance, a gay-themed sci-fi novel, will be released by Bold Strokes Books in April 2014.

Entries by Neal Wooten

'Eaten Alive' -- Bored to Death

(5) Comments | Posted December 8, 2014 | 9:17 AM

I still have my first grade report card. At the bottom it reads, "Neal is a great student except for an occasional snake." Yes, it took me a while to realize my teachers and mom didn't share my love of Eve's nemesis.

The Discovery Channel special, Eaten Alive, was...

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Rush Judgment

(0) Comments | Posted September 18, 2014 | 6:31 PM

In the wake of Ohio State University's new policies regarding sexual assault and harassment, Rush Limbaugh took to the airway to share his views. What people took from that particular show varies greatly on their opinion of Rush.

My conservative friends heard a man taking a stand against sexual...

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Where Have You Gone, John McCain?

(44) Comments | Posted September 13, 2014 | 3:16 PM

Where have you gone, John McCain? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Just like the lyrics of Mrs. Robinson, a lot of us wonder what has happened to our country. Where is the pride, the honor, the love for our fellow countrymen?

Most Americans have had their...

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Just Shut Up!

(4) Comments | Posted September 2, 2014 | 5:27 PM

Phil Robertson simply can't let it go. He keeps trying to explain his homophobic rant to GQ magazine, which might be partly to blame for the falling ratings for the hit reality show, Duck Dynasty. The problem is, you can't make people forget about something if you wont stop talking...

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Why the #IceBucketChallenge Works

(0) Comments | Posted August 20, 2014 | 5:18 PM

It's sweeping the nation. The Cold Water Challenge, or Ice Bucket Challenge, has become the rage.

You've probably seen it online or on TV. People take a bucket of water mixed with ice cubes and dump it over their heads. It's done to raise awareness for a number of...

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Goodbye Robin

(1) Comments | Posted August 13, 2014 | 10:05 PM

These are not The Best of Times Club Paradise is lost to some The Survivors are left to mourn And wonder What Dreams May Come

He was truly the Man of the Year
A Cadillac Man oh so sharp

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Yo Soy Blanco

(0) Comments | Posted August 13, 2014 | 6:13 PM

The shooting of 18-year-old Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri aggrandizes the question of police actions against minorities. I still remember the Rodney King case. It seems these events will continue to show their ugly heads.

But beyond these horrible headline grabbing scenarios of white-versus-everyone-else situations, I often wonder what it...

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So What's 'New' About the New Testament?

(25) Comments | Posted July 11, 2014 | 1:59 PM

There's one thing that will always be true -- people will believe what they want about the Bible. They will cling to certain scripture, manipulate the messages, and come to their own conclusions.

Clearly, however, there is a difference in the Old and New Testaments. The OT of course covers...

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Boy Is Their Face Red

(0) Comments | Posted June 18, 2014 | 9:08 PM

My Facebook friends are once again on the warpath. What has their knickers in a wad this time? It's those goofy Native Americans complaining about sport team mascots again. You know, like the Washington Redskins, Cleveland Indians, or my favorite ball team: the Atlanta Braves. My friends just don't get...

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My First Taste of Discrimination

(4) Comments | Posted April 21, 2014 | 6:08 PM

Being from the deep South, i.e., the Bible Belt, I have witnessed discrimination against homosexuals my entire life. I've just never personally felt it. My views are summed up in my Huffington Post article titled A Straight, Southern, Christian Redneck on Homophobia. So, yeah, being straight might have...

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The Universal Politician Speech

(0) Comments | Posted April 17, 2014 | 4:40 PM

Are you a politician with a big speech scheduled and your speech writer is out of commission? Fear not. Here's is the backup speech that will work anywhere, anytime, for any occasion, and for either party.

My fellow Americans, we are at a crossroads in history and we must forge...

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If You Like Your Health Plan, You Can Keep It

(2) Comments | Posted April 8, 2014 | 10:47 AM

As the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) hits its mark of seven million enrollees, we sometimes overlook the other numbers involved. For example, the millions of people who have benefitted from the Medicaid portion of the bill, or the ones who will benefit from the deductions cap, or the millions...

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The Death of Truth

(3) Comments | Posted April 2, 2014 | 8:38 PM

I'm 48 years old. I grew up in conservative Alabama atop Sand Mountain amid small rural farms. Perhaps I'm from the proverbial old school, but life was simple back then. We lived by a code. "A man's word is his bond" was more than a cliché. And from the time...

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Dear Members of the WBC -- I Love You

(0) Comments | Posted March 17, 2014 | 1:16 AM

I have apparently become a favorite for the Twitter feed of the Westboro Baptist Church, having been tweeted and retweeted about dozens of times. Some are strange, some amusing, but most are just sad. This last one, however, really got me to thinking. It began by saying, "nealwooten...

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How to Get Around Jesus

(1) Comments | Posted March 12, 2014 | 6:22 PM

Sure, I want to be seen as a Christian, but Jesus didn't make it easy. In fact, He raised the bar way too high. I'm all for loving my neighbor, as long as they are good, churchgoing folk, but this whole love-and-forgiveness-for-everyone thing is crazy. Luckily there are a lot...

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Don't Be Intolerant of My Intolerance

(8) Comments | Posted March 11, 2014 | 5:02 PM

It's an age-old argument. In fact, it goes all the way back to kindergarten. A little boy hits a little girl on the head with a yardstick, she goes and tells the teacher, the teacher tells the boy to stop being mean, and the boys says, "The girl is a...

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Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

(0) Comments | Posted March 2, 2014 | 7:12 PM

That's the title of the 1967 movie about a black man named Dr. John Prentice, played by Sidney Poitier, who falls in love and plans to marry a white woman, Joey Drayton, played by Katharine Houghton. It was on Turner Classic Movies Saturday evening and I watched it for perhaps...

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Science vs. Faith

(1) Comments | Posted February 7, 2014 | 11:53 AM

I grew up on a small farm in a small town and attended a small high school. Looking back now, I realize my entire world was pretty small. But we had a giant of a science teacher. His name is Terry Niblett and he was larger than life.


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Out With the Old

(0) Comments | Posted January 27, 2014 | 4:51 PM

My last Huffington Post article, titled "Judge Not - Except Gays," lit up the Twitter feeds of several members of the Westboro Baptist Church, as they posted verses from Ezekiel, Isaiah, and Leviticus to rebuke my views. Sadly, they're not alone. I have many Christian friends who also claim the...

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Judge Not -- Except Gays

(1) Comments | Posted January 23, 2014 | 3:33 PM

I grew up on Sand Mountain in the northeast corner of Alabama. I attended Sylvania High School, played football and had my ligaments and cartilage torn in a smash-mouthed 14-7 victory over neighboring football rival, the Fyffe Red Devils.

On Thursday, January 16th, 2014, the hurtful blow was not...

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