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Neal Wooten
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Neal Wooten grew up on a pig farm on Sand Mountain in the northeast corner of Alabama before being dragged kicking and screaming to the snow-infested plains of the American Midwest. He now resides in Milwaukee with his wife and three dogs.

He is a columnist for The Mountain Valley News, an author, artist, and a standup comedian. His work has appeared in several anthologies and magazines.

He is the author of Reternity, a sci-fi novel based on the Bible, which has won eight national awards and named to Kirkus Reviews Best of 2011. His new book, The Balance, a gay-themed sci-fi novel, will be released by Bold Strokes Books in April 2014.

Entries by Neal Wooten

Marriage Term Limits - My Mom's Greatest Idea

(1) Comments | Posted March 7, 2016 | 8:47 PM

I love to write for the Huffington Post. My favorite sections are Politics, Religion, and Crime. I even recently made my first contribution to Huff/Post 50. That hurt. But I never thought I would be writing for this particular vertical.

Yes, my wife recently asked me for a divorce. And...

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Making a Mockery

(7) Comments | Posted January 22, 2016 | 9:57 PM

Ever since the docuseries, Making a Murderer, came out on Netflix, the internet has been abuzz. But I ignored it. When my brother called and told me to watch it, I ignored him. But once he explained what it was about, I was intrigued. I moved to Milwaukee in December...

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What Do the Armed Militia Occupying the Wildlife Refuge in Oregon Want? In a Word: Welfare.

(25) Comments | Posted January 11, 2016 | 1:23 PM

As the Bundy brothers and company near the end of the first week of occupation at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Burns, Oregon, it has been somewhat confusing as to what their demands are. We know they don't think Dwight and Steven Hammond should go to prison for arson...

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Anatomy of an Alabama Football Fan

(15) Comments | Posted December 11, 2015 | 2:37 PM

As the Crimson Tide makes another run for yet another national championship, I am once again enlightened by what I believe to be the most amazing, and often times confusing, element of their football program -- the fans.

I read an article last year that ranked the top ten college...

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Rhetoric Trumps Answers

(1) Comments | Posted September 24, 2015 | 11:34 AM

I'm a small business man and I was just wondering... When is this economy gonna turn around?

I'm glad you ask that. I say now is the time to roll up our shirt sleeves and get to the bottom of this. The only way we're going to defeat this thing...

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Cash Is King (and the King Is Dead)

(2) Comments | Posted September 18, 2015 | 11:26 AM

I'm 50 years old so clearly from the proverbial old school. Times change so fast I can't keep up with them. Case and point -- my wife and I just bought a car for the first time in a while, and little did I know that the way we went...

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For Sale: Wisconsin

(42) Comments | Posted August 31, 2015 | 4:23 PM

Scott Walker, like every other aspiring GOP presidential candidate, is calling for President Obama to cancel a planned visit from Chinese President Xi Jinping scheduled for September. It's not surprising. The one common denominator that all of the candidates have is to be anti-Obama on everything.

It's almost a...

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The Hug

(1) Comments | Posted August 7, 2015 | 3:03 PM

Four years ago, Chris Christie was the most popular potential Republican presidential candidate in the country. His charm and straight forward non-political demeanor won us all over. Not to mention he had a problem with the same exercise regimen that a lot of us share -- pushing oneself away from...

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If This Article Offends You, Don't Become a Cop

(12) Comments | Posted July 24, 2015 | 7:03 PM

Some people just shouldn't be police officers. It's a sad fact. They don't have the right temperament, the right attitude, nor are they capable of separating their personal feelings from their profession.

Of course there are a lot of people in law enforcement who do a great job. Here's...

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Racism and the Confederate Flag

(7) Comments | Posted June 27, 2015 | 11:21 AM

Before you get your knickers in a wad, let me say that I would never fly the Confederate Flag. Why? Because it offends people. My history and heritage are what they are whether the flag flies or not. And I certainly don't think the flag should fly over any public...

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If You Don't Have a Platform, Borrow One

(1) Comments | Posted May 26, 2015 | 5:00 PM

Ah, yes: "platform." If you're an Indie author you know this term well. It might even be a four-letter word to you. This concept crept into the industry a few decades ago and has now become a major player. Long gone are the days when a new author's merit is...

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Facts Don't Lie

(1) Comments | Posted May 16, 2015 | 5:41 PM

Ah yes -- "Facts don't lie." I love this phrase. And by love, I mean, of course, that it makes me sick to my stomach, especially the way it's used. But it is true. Facts do not lie. Neither do stop signs, flower pots, or cow paddies for that matter....

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The Great Nemesis I Encountered Just Before My 50th Birthday

(0) Comments | Posted April 29, 2015 | 6:47 AM

Okay, I won't actually be 50 until August 1st of this year, but I've always done things a little faster than most. I skipped T-ball and went straight to Farm League. I graduated high school at 17. I was the first one from my high school to win a first-place...

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My Big Bang Theory

(9) Comments | Posted April 24, 2015 | 11:44 AM

I'm surprised to discover that I have a favorite television show again. I've only ever had one favorite show. And I'm talking about a currently running show. Obviously I love reruns of The Andy Griffith Show, but who doesn't? My favorite show is The Big Bang Theory. I never miss...

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The Sermon on the Mount (CCV -- Condensed CINO Version)

(3) Comments | Posted April 16, 2015 | 2:48 PM

The Sermon on the Mount is the largest collection of the teachings of Jesus Christ in the Bible. Unfortunately, I've never known anyone claiming to be a Christian attempt to follow these teachings. What I often come across instead are many who choose to explain what Jesus really meant.

...
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Go Fund Me Too

(0) Comments | Posted April 3, 2015 | 4:34 PM

I just read the article about the owners of the Indiana pizzeria that refused to provide catering service to a same-sex wedding. If a pizza place seems like an odd company to cater a wedding, you're probably right. The owners, Crystal and Keven O'Connor, claimed they have never...

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Indiana Religious Freedom Bill: A Fictional Story

(39) Comments | Posted March 31, 2015 | 3:42 PM

Two friends named Neal and Bob lived in Indiana and were very excited when Governor Mike Pence signed the Indiana Religious Freedom Restoration Act into law. They had long wanted to open a restaurant but, being devout Christians, cared not to serve those who flaunt their sins. After all, you...

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Tips for Writing Amazon Reviews

(12) Comments | Posted March 27, 2015 | 8:45 PM

What if a car manufacturer was to drop off a brand new car to a person's home, completely at random, and explain they had 24 hours to drive the car? Afterward, they would take the car to another home at random and do the same thing, and repeat for three...

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Meet Author C.M. Owens

(1) Comments | Posted March 11, 2015 | 6:28 PM

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Two years ago I received a phone call from Mike Owens, a cousin from back home on Sand Mountain in Alabama. I need to specify which cousin since I have thousands on the mountain -- literally. Mike was calling to inquire about being...

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Bill Cosby, Eddie Murphy and My Dad: Not So Black & White

(0) Comments | Posted February 26, 2015 | 2:29 PM

The year 1983 was a great year in my life. I graduated high school, bought my first car, and Eddie Murphy came out with Delirious. A classmate loaned me the tape one day and explained that Murphy was very funny. I remembered him from SNL, so I figured it would...

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