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Neal Wooten
Neal Wooten grew up on a pig farm on Sand Mountain in the northeast corner of Alabama before being dragged kicking and screaming to the snow-infested plains of the American Midwest. He now resides in Milwaukee with his wife and three dogs.

He is a columnist for The Mountain Valley News, an author, artist, and a standup comedian. His work has appeared in several anthologies and magazines.

He is the author of Reternity, a sci-fi novel based on the Bible, which has won eight national awards and named to Kirkus Reviews Best of 2011. His new book, The Balance, a gay-themed sci-fi novel, will be released by Bold Strokes Books in April 2014.

Entries by Neal Wooten

The Hug

(1) Comments | Posted August 7, 2015 | 3:03 PM

Four years ago, Chris Christie was the most popular potential Republican presidential candidate in the country. His charm and straight forward non-political demeanor won us all over. Not to mention he had a problem with the same exercise regimen that a lot of us share -- pushing oneself away from...

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If This Article Offends You, Don't Become a Cop

(10) Comments | Posted July 24, 2015 | 7:03 PM

Some people just shouldn't be police officers. It's a sad fact. They don't have the right temperament, the right attitude, nor are they capable of separating their personal feelings from their profession.

Of course there are a lot of people in law enforcement who do a great job. Here's...

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Racism and the Confederate Flag

(7) Comments | Posted June 27, 2015 | 11:21 AM

Before you get your knickers in a wad, let me say that I would never fly the Confederate Flag. Why? Because it offends people. My history and heritage are what they are whether the flag flies or not. And I certainly don't think the flag should fly over any public...

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If You Don't Have a Platform, Borrow One

(1) Comments | Posted May 26, 2015 | 5:00 PM

Ah, yes: "platform." If you're an Indie author you know this term well. It might even be a four-letter word to you. This concept crept into the industry a few decades ago and has now become a major player. Long gone are the days when a new author's merit is...

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Facts Don't Lie

(1) Comments | Posted May 16, 2015 | 5:41 PM

Ah yes -- "Facts don't lie." I love this phrase. And by love, I mean, of course, that it makes me sick to my stomach, especially the way it's used. But it is true. Facts do not lie. Neither do stop signs, flower pots, or cow paddies for that matter....

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The Great Nemesis I Encountered Just Before My 50th Birthday

(0) Comments | Posted April 29, 2015 | 6:47 AM

Okay, I won't actually be 50 until August 1st of this year, but I've always done things a little faster than most. I skipped T-ball and went straight to Farm League. I graduated high school at 17. I was the first one from my high school to win a first-place...

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My Big Bang Theory

(9) Comments | Posted April 24, 2015 | 11:44 AM

I'm surprised to discover that I have a favorite television show again. I've only ever had one favorite show. And I'm talking about a currently running show. Obviously I love reruns of The Andy Griffith Show, but who doesn't? My favorite show is The Big Bang Theory. I never miss...

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The Sermon on the Mount (CCV -- Condensed CINO Version)

(3) Comments | Posted April 16, 2015 | 2:48 PM

The Sermon on the Mount is the largest collection of the teachings of Jesus Christ in the Bible. Unfortunately, I've never known anyone claiming to be a Christian attempt to follow these teachings. What I often come across instead are many who choose to explain what Jesus really meant.

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Go Fund Me Too

(0) Comments | Posted April 3, 2015 | 4:34 PM

I just read the article about the owners of the Indiana pizzeria that refused to provide catering service to a same-sex wedding. If a pizza place seems like an odd company to cater a wedding, you're probably right. The owners, Crystal and Keven O'Connor, claimed they have never...

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Indiana Religious Freedom Bill: A Fictional Story

(39) Comments | Posted March 31, 2015 | 3:42 PM

Two friends named Neal and Bob lived in Indiana and were very excited when Governor Mike Pence signed the Indiana Religious Freedom Restoration Act into law. They had long wanted to open a restaurant but, being devout Christians, cared not to serve those who flaunt their sins. After all, you...

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Tips for Writing Amazon Reviews

(12) Comments | Posted March 27, 2015 | 8:45 PM

What if a car manufacturer was to drop off a brand new car to a person's home, completely at random, and explain they had 24 hours to drive the car? Afterward, they would take the car to another home at random and do the same thing, and repeat for three...

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Meet Author C.M. Owens

(1) Comments | Posted March 11, 2015 | 6:28 PM


Two years ago I received a phone call from Mike Owens, a cousin from back home on Sand Mountain in Alabama. I need to specify which cousin since I have thousands on the mountain -- literally. Mike was calling to inquire about being...

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Bill Cosby, Eddie Murphy and My Dad: Not So Black & White

(0) Comments | Posted February 26, 2015 | 2:29 PM

The year 1983 was a great year in my life. I graduated high school, bought my first car, and Eddie Murphy came out with Delirious. A classmate loaned me the tape one day and explained that Murphy was very funny. I remembered him from SNL, so I figured it would...

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Williams vs. O'Reilly

(0) Comments | Posted February 23, 2015 | 6:02 PM

It's old news now that Brain Williams of NBC exaggerated his Iraq War story of a helicopter being fired upon by a RPG (Rocket Propelled Grenade). The event happened in 2003, and Williams spoke of it several times over the next decade, always pointing out that it was a helicopter...

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Scott Walker Ain't Dumb

(131) Comments | Posted February 18, 2015 | 2:48 PM

As it becomes evident that Scott Walker, governor of Wisconsin, might throw his hat into the ring of contenders vying for the Republican nomination for president, his education, or lack thereof, has become the focal point for opponents. Walking away from Marquette University within a semester of getting his diploma...

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To Kill a Mockingjay

(1) Comments | Posted February 4, 2015 | 4:02 PM

Harper Lee is publishing another book titled Go Set a Watchmen, which is amazing news to say the least. The fact that it is a sequel to To Kill a Mockingbird is even more so. Being an aspiring author from Alabama, she is without a doubt one of my heroes....

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Clint Eastwood Is Unforgiven

(4) Comments | Posted January 27, 2015 | 3:12 PM

I was introduced to Clint Eastwood via Philo Beddoe when Dad took us to the theater to see Every Which Way but Loose. I had not yet seen any Dirty Harry movies or even any episodes of Rawhide. So Philo was my first impression.

And it was a pretty accurate...

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Economic Recovery

(0) Comments | Posted January 21, 2015 | 4:23 PM


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Michael Moore Was Right... and Wrong

(1) Comments | Posted January 21, 2015 | 1:10 AM

My uncle killed by sniper in WW2. We were taught snipers were cowards. Will shoot u in the back. Snipers aren't heroes. And invaders r worse

Moore's tweet has been the focus of many headlines and a plethora of backlash. But, it highlights a subtle irony in American history that...

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Washington, Carver, and... Zimmerman

(83) Comments | Posted January 13, 2015 | 8:01 AM

As George Zimmerman finds himself in the news again for yet another charge of domestic violence, I am reminded of the thing that baffled me most in this bizarre series of events. It wasn't just that Zimmerman was acquitted; it was his elevation to hero status amongst many of the...

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