As a deeply entrenched New Yorker I rarely drive a car within the city limits. I do own one, but rarely take it out and only when traveling outside the city, over the bridges or through the tunnels to a strange and far away exotic land called the suburbs. But since I work as a musician and gig in town, sometimes it makes sense to use my own car, especially since I have a reserved parking spot. (Anyone who owns a car in Manhattan and doesn't have a parking space need some serious therapy). It's cheaper than taking a cab and the subways aren't geared toward carting equipment. So last weekend, off I went on a quiet Sunday afternoon for a ride downtown that should take all of 10 minutes.
TWO AND HALF HOURS LATER...I arrive at my destination. The reason? It was Gay Pride Day and the streets are closed to allow for the marching and the dancing and the celebrating. I swear they held one of these just last month, but be that as it may, it got me thinking. Why? What is the purpose of this parade... or any parade? Wouldn't we all be better off if parades of any kind were no longer allowed in the city? Who would mind? Let's put it to a vote.
I can understand back in the middle eighteen hundreds or so, parades must have been pretty exciting - a nice break from the dysentery, bloodletting and blacksmithing. It was a chance for the townsfolk to get together and revel in the majesty of seeing other people walk down the street. But it's 2009. No one cares.
Sure, the St. Patrick's Day Parade is a tradition and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has a pageantry that the tourists love. But where does it end? Any attempt at showing disdain for these events can be misconstrued as a slight against the sponsors making me either homophobic, sexist, racist, or anti whatever it is you're touting. Not so. But I will give my opinion.
Let's start with the Gay Pride Parade. This is touchy but I'll come out with it. Why is one's sexual preference worthy of a parade? Why is one sexual preference celebrated and another ignored? After all, I love blondes with big breasts. Where's MY parade? Now THAT, I wouldn't mind watching. But I'd forego the opportunity in order to allow for motorists to get through town. I figure if I'm willing to do that it's only fair that everyone else be in accord.
Next up are ethnic pride parades. I find it a disturbing irony that my dad was a first generation descendant from Italy and my mom was born in Portugal yet, never once did they consider themselves anything but Americans. I wasn't even taught Italian or Portuguese (which is unfortunate) because to my parents, that was a world they were leaving behind for a better life. In fact my uncle fought in WWII in Italy and once when I asked him what it felt like to fight against the people of his fathers homeland, he responded impassively; "They were the enemy." A perfect answer. And it says so much about how proud they were to be United State citizens. They didn't shout praises of the land they left. That's why they left.
In general, ethnic pride is a close relative to racism. If what I am is so great, then what YOU are is less great. We can all claim that each heritage is something special, but if everyone is a somebody then nobody is anybody. Bottom line; keep your pride to yourself. Or throw a party in your backyard. Leave the streets for the citizens.
Finally there are the demonstrations. I understand free speech and the right to assemble and all that but as far as I know, nowhere in the constitution does it say that blaring P.A. systems may be a part of it. That infringes on my personal space. (Most notably, my ears). And some of these protestors get pretty hateful. Where's the politician with enough guts to stand up to this?
And finally there are the parades for "good causes." These crack me up. Just last month all manner of transportation came to a dead-stop stall due to a march against domestic violence. But does anyone bother to ask himself or herself; "Who is this message getting to?" Any sane person knows that domestic violence is bad. We don't need a reminder. And it isn't like anyone who commits domestic violence is going to suddenly be swayed.
"Gee whiz, maybe I shouldn't be beatin' up on Mary Joe after all. I ain't never thunk of that 'til now. Good thing I seen this parade!"
Let's face it; this is pure "preaching to the choir." It's a chance for people who are normally ignored to say; "Look at me! Me! Me! Me and my magnanimous cause. Hey buddy, I just want to get to the east side.
The list goes on, but I won't. The simple fact of the matter is, parades are an archaic ritual, which are not only annoying, they're costly. And if I were to make a more politically correct argument I could validly claim that they're bigoted in their selctions. Unless every group of every interest, of every ethnicity, of every religion and belief is represented, it really isn't fair. However, if all groups were recognized, we'd have nothing but parades on a daily basis. Given enough time, that's where it's headed. So let's stop this ugly animal from breeding further.
We have two choices. Either make Manhattan a full-time pulpit for people to advertise their pet causes, or accept that parades have no place among a sophisticated, modern society.
In other words, if you must have them, have them in New Jersey.
