Some people tell me I should take that post down: What if someone finds it when they Google you? What if they see it while researching you for a job interview? All valid points. But I'm not taking it down. I need it there to remind me of where I was, of how close I was to killing myself, and to perhaps help someone else who might read it and resonate with it.
Words take on certain new meanings when you get sober -- or at least I should say some words. Yes, you learn new ones -- those types of things you're never going to find in the Oxford English Dictionary or outside of recovery circles probably -- like normie, sponsee and step work. But there are also a slew of words you're probably going to learn to use in new ways.
Regardless of outcome, stepping in to urge treatment and set boundaries is a way of showing an addict just how far they've fallen at the same time that you're showing them how deeply you love them. Being part of such an event can be a profound, even sacred experience. If it doesn't change the addict, it might change you.
In AA and other recovery programs, willpower is an unreliable tool for abstinence. Effortful self-regulation can and does fail us, and such failures can leave us vulnerable to impatient decision making. A better alternative can be seen in another practice well known in the rooms of recovery -- the gratitude list.
I believed that unless I had an open-door policy, eventually no one would come knocking and I would be rendered lonely and isolated. I can laugh at that now, but back then, my "savior behavior" that had me believing that I needed to be spontaneously available to provide whatever was asked of me, as an insurance policy against abandonment.