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Alison Rosen

I Can't Stop Sneezing and Also, I Got Married

Alison Rosen | Posted 05.18.2014 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

Is this how your wedding was? Is this just how weddings are? Were my expectations -- that I would feel as if I were floating from one calm, warm love-infused moment to the next -- artificially high?

Just Me or Everyone?

Alison Rosen | Posted 04.21.2014 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

It was a familiar thought -- the same one I had every time I was out walking and heard a fire engine's siren. Then I wondered if I was the only one who had this thought.

It's Time To Start Christmas Shopping!

Alison Rosen | Posted 02.22.2014 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

I keep hoping one day I will be one of the organized, decorative-doodad-using, mulled-cider-sipping, type A people but I just don't know if I have it in me. I'm too comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I Do Not Enjoy Dancing

Alison Rosen | Posted 01.23.2014 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

I don't want to shake my groove thang, get down on it, boogie woogie, cut a rug, trip the light fantastic, do the hustle, get out on the dance floor and show 'em how it's done, do the mash potato, stomp!, twerk or lambada. I've been immunized against disco fever. The rhythm has yet to get me.

Clutter, Memory and the Junk in My Car

Alison Rosen | Posted 10.30.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

I think there's a lesson in here about clutter and memory and the passage of time -- and maybe about what happens when you don't finish processing everything. The truth is, I'm still trying to figure it out.

About That Time I Test Drove a Car Into Another Car

Alison Rosen | Posted 10.22.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

I gingerly got out of the car. I looked around for cameras, convinced I was about to be arrested. Then I thought about how frequently these cars are driven. "This must happen a lot, right?" I asked, hopefully.

I Guess I'm Sick

Alison Rosen | Posted 09.30.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

I am the kind of smug person who never gets sick, which is making the fact that I'm sick right now not only uncomfortable but also baffling. What happened to my superior immune system? My ability to stare down the common cold? My talent for evading influenza?

Am I Not First Class Material?

Alison Rosen | Posted 09.23.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

Too often life is like this and I get stuck puzzling over numbers and combinations instead of enjoying the experience or being in the moment. Granted, the flight to New York was a moment I didn't want to be in, but I still suspect I could have handled it in an easier, healthier way.

I'm Afraid of Fun

Alison Rosen | Posted 09.09.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

Now that July 4 is safely behind us, I must confess something that may change how you feel about me: I hate firecrackers. I don't just dislike them. I hate them. HATE them. I also dislike barbecues, the beach, football and hot tubs.

Let's Get a Dog's Opinion

Alison Rosen | Posted 09.02.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

Getting your dog neutered in Los Angeles costs more than getting your appendix removed in another town, and if I ever have children, I'm going to think twice before getting them fixed.

The Uninvited Houseguest

Alison Rosen | Posted 08.25.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

What is the genesis of the fear? In truth, I'm a lot bigger than these things. And mice -- in a Disney film or even at a pet store -- can be cute. So why the panic?

Please Stop Yelling in a Little Box

Alison Rosen | Posted 08.18.2013 | Media
Alison Rosen

There was a time when having a nuanced, measured, well-considered take on something, one that didn't fit neatly into a, well, box was appreciated. Those days are gone.

Tropical Attire Encouraged

Alison Rosen | Posted 08.11.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

Who are these people longing for a chance to take it all off? It's currently summer in Los Angeles. How many more pieces can be removed before we're just naked?

Blame the Car

Alison Rosen | Posted 08.06.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

I'm normally a cautious driver, but suddenly I was doing 90, darting in and out of traffic, honking impatiently at blue hairs and, most troubling, smiling smugly at my fellow sports car driving motorists.

The Highway Is Trying to Kill Me

Alison Rosen | Posted 07.30.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

It sounds preposterous, but 100 percent of the time we've driven to Santa Barbara we've had to either swerve to avoid an accident or gotten into one.

My Imaginary Cape Friends

Alison Rosen | Posted 07.21.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

I still hold out hope that one day I'll wake up a completely different person -- one who prefers Capri pants to sweats and who summers at a beachfront cottage on some sort of cape with several other witty and charming couples.

The Impossible Shower

Alison Rosen | Posted 07.16.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

Imagine taking a cotton ball and stretching it out until it was kind of flat and rectangular and then imagine if it were black and giant and protruding from the back of my head. That's what my hair looked like. And it took me hours to achieve that look.

It's Getting Hot, So I'm Moving to Antarctica

Alison Rosen | Posted 07.07.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

The appropriate reaction to mercury rising is dread and anxiety. The weather is not your friend, or if it is, it's that friend that "accidentally" tells everyone your most unflattering secrets. In this case: flabby arms.

On Being a Woman in Comedy and Podcasting

Alison Rosen | Posted 07.01.2013 | Comedy
Alison Rosen

I think people are really getting at when they ask me about my experience is why aren't there more women in these fields. There are a lot, to be sure. Probably more now than ever. But the perception is that comedy and podcasting are still heavily male, and I do have some thoughts about that.