Some lousy relationships we just can't quit. And often we don't know where our partner begins and we end, which can create pain and chaos. If our partner criticizes or walls himself off or lies or cheats or mopes or is just generally shitastic we often think it's our fault.
There are a lot of fantastic relationships out there where partners treat each other with love, dignity and respect. Having a romantic relationship that provides a safe haven from life's ignominies isn't too much to ask.
The first month was bliss, and I truly mean it. Your first love blinds and cripples you. Everything is seen and done under a shiny filter and eerie carnival music; and you don't realize how fake the memories are until when the memories are all you have left.
In becoming a member of the club, there's suddenly solace. It's like an enormous billboard indicating: "YOU ARE NOT ALONE." And, truly, isn't that what we all want to know? We are not the broken, irreparable beings that we sometimes think we are.
I recently had a friend who was feeling stuck reach out to me to ask if she should start seeing a therapist. After our call, I thought that it would be useful to share some of these ideas with others who are considering "the talking cure."
Why do we stay in relationships that are unhealthy and sometimes harmful? I often hear, "We tried four times to make it work," or, "The relationship was over two years ago, but I just couldn't leave." Otherwise very healthy people regularly stay in relationships for the wrong reasons.
This may come as a surprise, but toxins aren't just found in air pollution or your poor food and drink choices. To really feel that desired sense of relief, clarity and glow, you have to look at all parts of your life.
Examine what holding patterns you may be settling for. Tell yourself the truth and examine the options. When two people are making skillful relationship choices, there is no limit to where things can go.
For those who are in relationships, Valentine's Day acts like a magnifying glass, illuminating and enlarging flaws that signal they don't measure up to the version of perfect love we've been sold -- from fairytales to films, and greeting cards to giant billboards.
The man I loved, the person who was the cornerstone of my life, who said I was the cornerstone of his, had moved on after a small argument. I needed some kind of validation for all the time, energy and money spent, hope and promises made.
While unhealthy intimate unions can wreak havoc on the psyche and may inform the way in which we treat others, it's usually an insular thing. Group dysfunction, however, is far-reaching and often much more dangerous.
Watching all the people crowding into Chick-fil-A made me look at my journal. How many of those people have experienced the feelings I've logged? At the end of the day, what is specifically gay-related, and what is human?