Living with MS, a progressive illness, has forced me to accept sudden changes in life that are not always easy or pleasant to deal with. Accepting and loving myself -- overcoming fear, embarrassment and self-consciousness -- was a significant milestone for me.
When we allow ourselves to stop and feel grateful we are no longer peering out into a future that doesn't yet exist. Now we're really living, in the only place it is possible for us to live -- the here and now. That's what I loved most about that moment yesterday. I was nowhere else.
Here's the thing. I've been an overachiever all my life. Always trying to be the best, always trying to do several things at once partly because I'm super crazy creative and have so many ideas and so much energy channeling through me, and partly because I'm trying to 'get somewhere.'
As soon as we pause and allow our frantic schedules to subside, the mind can begin to awaken to the deeper work of connecting to our heart. When we make time for meditation, yoga, daily practices or whatever connects us to the place of peace inside, true transformation can begin.
I had caught myself red-handed, not practicing what I preach, and it was a delicious moment to be reminded of where my true peace and power lie -- within, not on the 405 freeway only when the conditions are just as I think they "should be."
This was the reality of the situation. This was the truth of the here and now. I couldn't be with him out there on the dance floor, so I had to reframe the situation and enjoy the experience in a completely different way.
I want so fiercely to fully live these years, to pay attention, not to miss a thing. But still, so often, I fail. I allow my own exhaustion or aggravation to occlude the beauty of this ordinary, flawed existence.
Time is a sneaky thief, hell-bent on racing toward our mortality. The only way that we can outsmart it is by savoring every precious moment by being fully conscious, focused and conscientious every second.
"How good it is when brothers and sisters dwell together in harmony." That was the huge banner hanging on the back wall of the church. Picture it: friendly people eager for a group experience of divine love. I wasn't feeling it.