"Deal breakers" are those behaviors or conditions that one partner is unable or unwilling to tolerate in a relationship. Because "tolerance" is a relative term and subject to everyone's unique capacity to accept varying degrees of distress or discomfort, there is no generic, one-size-fits-all answer to this question.
Remember that to put your identity in anything external can be faulty and it keeps you from ultimate happiness. Recognizing your illusions and questioning your shoulds clears the path for you to lead a more whole, and authentic life. And in the meantime you can learn to see the growing pains as gifts and to discover what really makes you happy.
Remember that your beliefs are powerful self-fulfilling prophecies. The bottom line of this is that if you change your beliefs, you will change your experiences. You are not a victim unless you choose to be. Health and well-being in adulthood is not achieved through the accumulation of external successes, but rather through cleaning out your internal emotional closets.