Want to know God? That's the mystery. To know God, I suspect you must give up, let go and be free of all conceptions, all beliefs about God. God is not anything you think. God is really nothing, no-thing.
According to the mystical tradition, Christ is born into the world through each of us. As we open our hearts, he is born into the world. As we choose to forgive, he is born into the world. As we rise to the occasion, he is born into the world.
I first learned of the outstanding classic of Kabbalah, the Zohar, in a manner atypical even for this extraordinary topic. Rather than discovering it in metaphysical circles or the Jewish religious milieu, I saw it cited by a French surrealist poet.
I'm needful. Not of a winning football team. Not of a parking space at the mall. Not, in fact, for any special favors no matter how serious. But of light -- what the Quakers perhaps best call the "inner light" that comes from God.