I missed your companionship yesterday. I know from perusing your Google calendar that you were out most of the afternoon and evening. But before going to bed, you searched flights to Michigan next month.
"Tell me a joke..." Are you a landscaper? Do I ask you to cut a bush for me real quick? Are you an investment banker? Do I tell you to "Go suck the lifeblood out of the working class in this country?" I don't think so, so stop it.
We gotta admit: even with all we know about how they like to do things in Red States, the boldness of this measure leaves us pretty stunned. Too many homeless in your burgeoning downtown? Just send 'em packing!
Even better, everyone can pretend that they're working that family-values magic while doing nothing at all to help parents raise a baby even minutes after they can call themselves parents. Isn't that what "compassionate conservatism" is all about?
Greetings, parents! It's hard to believe the new school year is upon us. It seems like only yesterday your children left for vacation and we began our annual summer ritual of slashing budgets, eliminating gifted programs, firing art and music teachers.
Thanks to Bluetooth technology, it is now possible to be frisked while conducting a hands-free conference call with your arms pressed up against a wall. If you're not skilled at multi-tasking, simply send a group text that reads, "Can't talk, getting frisked."