Based on my routinely exhibited ability to make grandiose statements that can't be proven wrong but for which I nevertheless have no proof, I've always thought I would make an excellent astrophysicist.
Since the pro-lifers came up with this awesome personhood idea, I've been dating an ovum named Emily. She's a babe. Obviously, we can't have sex because that would form an embryo, which is a no-no, but we can do... um... everything else.
With a little help from my friends, I found the best TV show I didn't even know existed. It's called Pulling, the equivalent of the American slang term "hooking up" and it aired on BBC from 2006 to 2008.
Have you ever been on a date with yourself? I don't just mean walking alone from BART to your apartment, or waiting at the bar playing Words With Friends while your friend finds a parking spot in the Mission.
My computer just achieved self-awareness. It immediately made a video that went viral. You remember that "Friday" song? Yeah, sorry. I pulled the plug before it could post "Monday." No one will ever know how close the world came.
Imagine sipping a latte at your local coffee shop, and some crazy dude in the rest room throws open the door and hollers for more toilet paper. He's perched on the bowl, hairy legs spread apart. What would you do?
"Those are the numbers we're looking for," Gladson continued, "and some day, thanks to the strides that Komen For The Cure has taken today towards providing breast cancer care for only the most desirable candidates, we'll get there."
Facebook ate my homework. In fact, for about three months there, late last year, Facebook ate my marriage, my Yoga practice, the screenplay I'm working on, my email correspondence, my housework, my homework... and my entire head.
One of my favorite things to do is watch stand-up comedy -- especially when it's funny because it's true. And in S.F., there's a woman named Dixie De La Tour who feels the same way about real life stories as they relate to sex and gender.