It was only a matter of time before some nerd, someplace, somewhere, penned a valedictory piece comparing the Republican primary to the power-struggles of HBO's Game of Thrones. And, friends, I've run out of reasons why that nerd should not be me.
Inspired by the "Broken Windows" theory of crime prevention, I present the "Broken Compliments and Questions About Comedy" theory on making comedians, who are struggling in the increasingly weakening middle class of comedy, happier day-to-day.
Before I could move out of anyone's way, the cyclist turned around in his cerulean shorts that left little to the imagination and asked me the question that many of your citizens ask of me after almost running me over: "What the f*ck is wrong with you?"
Arizona has finally decreed it. They've had it up to here with the fighting about conception and when is a baby a real baby. So they have made a decision! A woman is officially pregnant two weeks before conception.
Our plastic vomit and artificial dog poo -- iconic, time-honored staples of American humor -- are now being produced in China. While most people will shrug this off as no big deal, I see it differently, and it's not just about the economics.
Americans need jobs! But is helping tax dodgers or building environmentally devastating oil pipelines the only way to create jobs? NO! There are others, and I'm proposing we get started on the following projects right now.
As I am a Christmas-and-Easter Episcopalian, which is to say a partaker in a beautiful spiritual tradition that celebrates the sanctity of sleeping in most Sunday mornings, I will be arising at the unholy hour of 9 a.m. this Sunday.
What he said: "The president's remarks were fully consistent with the principles described herein." What he meant: "Back off. Barack's my boy. If you come at him, you come at me, and everyone else in this joint!"