In light of the upcoming election, I would like to take this opportunity as your employer to inform you, my beloved workers, what will happen if you vote for Barack Obama: You will die.
Who do they think they are? Telling you who to vote for. Just cause they made a little money? Or have a masthead? Or a Facebook account? That gives them the right to tell you who to vote for? Screw them.
Fewer ships. Fewer horses. And more games downloaded from the iTunes app store by our military personnel than under any previous president. Do you want a military that plays Words With Friends instead of attacking our enemies?
If Mitt Romney wins this election, we the People in our wisdom will have validated that strategy, and demonstrated that we are nothing but our worst instincts, our fears and our rage, and that we deserve every horror a plutocracy will visit upon us.
Recently, I spent a night at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood, as well as a night at the Laugh Factory Chicago, to see what the comedians were saying about the political scene. This is some of what I heard.
Zombies and ghouls are not the only dead things that were once something we held dear. Many of the basic tenets of a civilized society have kicked the bucket, too. May these bone-chilling tombstones serve as a moving tribute to the dear departed.
Known across the web for her legendary "Hot4Hill" YouTube video of 2007 and Warner Bros online series, "Sorority Forever," Taryn is now preparing to release eight videos in a row to promote her new record.