It's the end of March and by now you've realized that reading is for stooges and jerks. But when it comes to impressing strangers having a book with you still takes the cake. That's what people who read call a Catch 22 and people who don't read call "a curious dilemma."
For our DeCarlo Honeymoon, DeHoneymooners wanted an epic European adventure. But after all the wedding bills, affording the grandeur we both had always dreamed about was an issue - so we two travel experts set to planning and executing a fantastic European Honeymoon on a modest budget.
While also unleashing all the shades of relationship gray that are inexplicably tangled up in the mix when dealing with sex issues -- frustration, confusion, awkwardness, anger, tenderness, tear-inducing panic and yes, love.
While I may not agree with the entire spiritual underpinning of "Lent," I liked the idea of participating in it as a personal-growth exercise, in line with my previous efforts to read Cats in the original feline, or to get taller.
Punxsutawney Phil, the famous Pennsylvania groundhog, was indicted on federal charges of fraud Monday, a culmination of a two-month-long inquiry into the groundhog's now-debunked prediction that spring was "right around the corner."
CPAC, always showin' off the pride and joy of America. I was honored to attend such a sacred event. I had to make my accent less apparent because people are only used to the lame stream media Yankees askin' them questions.
It's true: Lies work. They work really well. How's that? Well, people believe them. That's why you tell a lie in the first place, isn't it? So that people will believe it. Here are a few of the biggest lies anybody has ever told.
When I started writing situation comedies for television, 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' had just finished its run. It was too late to have a shot to write for the gold standard, but the right time to work with practically everyone who had been associated with the show.
On March 21, Twitter will turn seven-years-old. That's impressive. Seven years is a pretty short amount of time to become worth approximately $10 billion. When I turned seven, I was worth approximately one holographic Charizard.
My mother, a mostly easy-going person, made it very clear when I was a child that there were three things she would not stand for in our house. Loud gum chewing; hair twirling, twisting or curling; and declaring that something is "so fun." Living with mom was so much fun.
I used to give guitar lessons to little kids. One day my six-year old student Sam brought the lesson to a dead halt to ask me a pressing guitar-related question. He asked, "Would you rather have an ice cream cone for a hand... or a slice of pizza for a foot?"
Even cooler than a porpoise-drawn chariot, though, are porpoise assassins, an opinion that the Ukrainian navy apparently shares with me, because they have trained dolphins to "attack enemy combat swimmers using special knives or pistols fixed to their heads."