It's not that I don't want to be a Dad, it's just that I'm not at that point where it's all I want to be. Which is where I want to get. Before I go there. Forgive me fatherhood, I've got to sin. Just a little more.
I can now truly confirm folks, that Mitt is all set for this presidential race and is ready to be unleashed!! So ladies, gentlemen and canines of either sex, put your hands and your paws together and let's hear it for our republican top dog.
We've gathered some of YouTube's top comedians to give their best tips on what makes a video funny, how to get laughs online, dealing with negativity, and just staying committed to doing what they love.
Although politicians are famously buttoned-up and skillfully practiced in the art of careful spin, they have also been the source of some of our best entertainment -- and laughter -- over the past half-century.
We've got to get this country back on track. I say we vote out all the bums and start over. Boy, that would send a message! I'd like to go up to each politician personally and just get right in his or her face and say, "Hey bub, back of the line!" and send them packing.
I like to think that I've accepted my grey hair, and accepted with it and even welcomed my inevitable aging and the wisdom and depth of character that comes with it, and that I will continue to grow and mature gracefully.
Dear Ecuador: We would like to admonish you for showing courage that is expected (only in principle) of a permanent member of the UN Security Council. We remain extremely concerned by your display of moral rectitude.
Courtesy of a highly classified internal document provided by a White House insider who understandably prefers to remain anonymous -- here are the top five secrets our own U.S. government does not want the American public to know.
That is one good lookin' VP! I, along with my most patriotic Americans, are excited about Paul Ryan for VP. Medicare schmedicare... I'm not old so I don't have to worry about it. And those old people are passin' on soon anyway so nothin' to worry about there either.
American people are still under the impression that you landed one of the coveted jobs of Hotdogger, and as a former Hotdogger, I'm a little bit insulted. I had a 1 percent chance of getting that job. 1 percent. You know, like what Mitt would have paid in taxes under your plan.
After the second sketch there was mock applause. During each sketch there were "hushed" whispers that my deaf-in-one-ear grandfather wouldn't have had much trouble hearing, though the accents were so cartoonishly thick that he would have had trouble deciphering.