The next time your dad worries about who will take over his condo in Boca once he passes on, ensure him that you've got his back. Promptly fall in love with your cousin and gain an immediate heir to the estate.
We're turning up the heat even more, because this father is feeling frisky. This morning, I cat-walked into my kitchen decked out in an 8-year-old bathrobe, Adidas tennis pants, and open-toe, massaging sports sandals ensemble.
One of the most impressive things about "Cougar Town" is how many jokes and silly moments it can fit into a scene, while keeping the characters consistent and the enclosed world of the Cul De Sac Crew rooted in its own loopy reality.
Based on my routinely exhibited ability to make grandiose statements that can't be proven wrong but for which I nevertheless have no proof, I've always thought I would make an excellent astrophysicist.
Since the pro-lifers came up with this awesome personhood idea, I've been dating an ovum named Emily. She's a babe. Obviously, we can't have sex because that would form an embryo, which is a no-no, but we can do... um... everything else.
With a little help from my friends, I found the best TV show I didn't even know existed. It's called Pulling, the equivalent of the American slang term "hooking up" and it aired on BBC from 2006 to 2008.
Have you ever been on a date with yourself? I don't just mean walking alone from BART to your apartment, or waiting at the bar playing Words With Friends while your friend finds a parking spot in the Mission.
My computer just achieved self-awareness. It immediately made a video that went viral. You remember that "Friday" song? Yeah, sorry. I pulled the plug before it could post "Monday." No one will ever know how close the world came.