Conflict Management

Great relationships develop not from the absence of conflict, but from determining an agreeable pattern for how to resolve conflict.

There are many reasons why people dread having difficult conversations, with one of the standouts being fear of handling difficult people and their erratic, unpredictable ways. That fear is legitimate but misplaced.

I think we've all been in a situation where something goes wrong, and our first inclination is to kick or scream or throw things. Then cooler heads prevail, and we realize that we actually need to manage the conflict, rather than just vent.

When you are surprised by your own flash of anger, you may not be fully conscious of your own desires. You may be missing the underlying needs that your own anger is revealing to you.

No matter how well you ease into a tough topic, the person may still react strongly. Avoid using that reaction to blame the other party or as an excuse to not raise the issue at all.

If you are already scratching your head about the other person before you've even engaged with them, then you are missing something.

As a mediator, I remember the power of asking the parties questions they would not ask each other. Anything a mediator can do, individuals can do on their own. Observe with fresh eyes.