The peaceful, balanced, and kind Suku totally lost it. He got so pissed off that he went into some sort of angry trance. When he woke up there were a lot of casualties around him. Almost anything he could have done would have been better. But in that moment, he was hijacked by his emotions.
Joy, enthusiasm, gratitude and pride are pleasurable emotions. Each of them also "asks" you to take appropriate action. If you don't pay these emotional debts you run the risk of shunning these emotions from your life.
Businesses have used a range of strategies to hold down wage growth -- outsourcing, subcontracting, avoiding union organizing and more. What's more, an "easy hire, easy fire" policy has led to diminished worker productivity and innovation.
There's no such thing as bad or unreasonable emotions. What is possible is that the thoughts at the root of an emotion are inaccurate, unfounded or destructive. Before you can analyze these thoughts, you need to first open the cocoon of the emotion with gentleness, never with reproach.
You can't be rational if you are too emotional. But you can't be rational if you are not emotional. When you are too emotional, you don't want to do what you know is best. When you are too emotional, you don't want to use the techniques you know will make things better.
Have you ever postponed an argument with your spouse because "the kids might hear us?" If so, you might have taken the third person perspective. That means that you would have put yourself in their shoes and imagined what they would think and feel if they heard your conversation.
To "see" better you need to add consciousness to your eyes. You need to break the spell of phenomena (from the Greek, "phainein," to show) and "look" with a disciplined mind. That is the origin of the scientific method: the concern for finding the truth behind the appearances.
Different subjects, with different mental models will experience different realities. And the more you can liberate yourself from the illusion that things appear to you as they "really are," the more you will be able to experience reality from other points of view.
How often could you productively get together with your colleagues and ask, "How are we working together? Is there anything I could do to make your work better? Or to improve our relationship? Or to help increase your well-being and happiness?"
To start with criticism, follow with orders and end with threats is not effective. "It's your fault. You broke it, so you better fix it!" is a really bad way to go. We're on the same boat; we float or we sink together.
To improve the performance, the relationship and the well-being of both of you, you must convey information about the impact of your counterpart's behavior on the goal and on you. But to maximize the value of this information you need to share it non-judgmentally.
Tara wants to confront her teammates, but she's worried that bringing up this potentially explosive issue can make things even worse. In the following video, I help Tara prepare to discuss the issue with her teammates and re-establish effectiveness, trust and integrity.
When you complain productively, you seek to restore effectiveness, trust, and integrity. You confront only once, and you follow through to resolution. At best, you end up with a new agreement that closes the matter.
Whether we are working together as employers and employees, fellow team members, or husband and wife, our effectiveness depends on the integrity with which we exchange requests and promises that allow us to coordinate our actions.
We have the power to take one small step toward a more authentic approach. And when we do, money becomes not the elephant in the room, but a tool that serves as an expression of our ideals. A way for us to commune with each other.